Exploring the Infinite Abyss...

Parking Place

2012-01-18T14:23:00.002-05:00

Time once again to park my annual book list in a place where I can come back to it, should I ever feel the need.

So here it is, the books I read, re-read or started to read but couldn't get through for the year 2011. Needless to say, I had a lot of time on my hands....and yes, I managed to get myself addicted to the Sookie Stackhouse books. I've been addicted to True Blood for a while now so I figured it was about time I tried the books. Well done Ms. Harris, because I can't put them down once I start (which is how I managed to blow through all 11 of them in a less than 2 months). And of course now I've turned my attention to another Sookie-type series. One of these days I'll get back to the classics. Who am I kidding, I love a nice trashy novel!!!!

The Books:
Brava, Valentine by Adriana Trigiani
The Book of Names by Jill Gregory & Karen Tintori
I Love Everybody, and Other Atrocious Lies by Laurie Notaro
Dead and Gone (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 9) by Charlaine Harris
From Dead to Worse (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 8) by Charlaine Harris
All Together Dead (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 7) by Charlaine Harris
Definitely Dead (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 6) by Charlaine Harris
Dead as a Doornail(Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 5) by Charlaine Harris
Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 4) by Charlaine Harris
Club Dead (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 3) by Charlaine Harris
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
Pictures of You by Caroline Leavitt
Living Dead in Dallas (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 2) by Charlaine Harris
Dead Until Dark (Sookie Stackhouse series, Book 1) by Charlaine Harris
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
The Abortionists Daughter by Elisabeth Hyde
Absurdistan by Gary Shteyngart
Later, At the Bar by Rebecca Barry
The Dove Keepers by Alice Hoffman
My French Whore by Gene Wilder
Very Valentine by Adriana Trigiani
Son of a Witch: Volume Two in the Wicked Years by Gregory Maguire
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Snooki In Wonderland: The Improved Classic by Phil Edwards (& Lewis Carrol)
A Clash of Kings (A Song of Ice & Fire, Book 2) by George R.R. Martin
Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice & Fire, Book 1) by George R.R. Martin
Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Palm Trees on the Hudson: A True Story of the Mob, Judy Garland & Interior Decorating by Elliot Tiber
Life, Love, and a Polar Bear Tattoo by Heather Wardell
Blue by Lou Aronica
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
Little Bee by Chris Cleave
Millie's Fling by Jill Mansell
Look Again by Lisa Scottoline
Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda
The People of the Mist by Henry Rider Haggard
The Year She Fell by Alicia Rasley
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
Mossy Creek by Deborah Smith et al.
The Dress Lodger by Sheri Holman
How to Be Lost by Amanda Eyreward
Major Pettigrew's Last Stand by Helen Simonson
We Thought You'd Be Prettier by Laurie Notaro
A Taste of Magic by Tracy Madison

Ah, the sweet, sweet smell of success....

2012-01-10T17:03:00.004-05:00

I still can't quite believe it, but I actually got a job. Let me say that again....I GOT A JOB!!!!! I GOT A JOB!!! I GOT A JOB!!!!

It only took 1 year, 1 month and 20 days, but I am finally, once more, among that most coveted of groups -- the gainfully employed. Granted, its an hourly temp job, which could end in as little as 4 weeks, but it beats the shit out of unemployment. I even get benefits (can you say 'best temp agency ever'?) And considering I was about to go work at Hooters, for no other reason that to get the hell out of the house (and give my DH something to be proud of, of course), what I'm doing now is an infinite improvement. I actually get to play lawyer. Like for realz. In some ways even more than I did in most of my other "lawyer" jobs. And unlike those other jobs, I do NOT work weekends, I do NOT work overtime, and I do NOT have to get dressed up...or even out of my pajamas if I don't like. That's right, I work form home bitches! A straight 40 hours a week.

I've never been so happy to be underpaid in all my life.

My new faves....

2011-12-22T12:00:00.003-05:00

We've been in AZ 3 months now and in that time I've developed a few new favorite things. So here they are....

Spicy Ranch Salad Dressing. They don't sell this back east. Don't know why, because its crazy delicious.
Green Chiles. Another item you can't find back east. Also crazy delicious. For those not in the know, green chiles are green but they are not the least bit spicy as one would expect from a "chile". Instead, they're almost sweet. Very flavorful. And they put them on everything here....burgers, chicken, salad, EVERYTHING. And they are now a staple in our kitchen.
Grocery Gas Rewards. Usually, 10 cents off per gallon for every hundred bucks you spend at the grocery store. Some stores let you combine rewards to get as much as a buck off per gallon! And since grocery stores here sell beer, wine AND booze, you can rack those points up pretty damn quick. Here's how it works: buy groceries using one of those store discount cards and BOOM, you get discounts on gas -- either at the grocery store's OWN gas station (yes, the grocery stores have their own gas stations) or, with one of the larger grocery chains, you can even get gas discounts at the Circle K.
Living in an Apartment. Granted, I've done this before but never in such a nice apartment and never in such a large apartment community. We've got 2 pools, a top of the line gym and the most amazing service staff. Got a problem with a running toilet? Jump online, place a maintenance request and BAM, less than 24 hours later, no more problem. Definitely faster than I could ever get the DH to fix anything. THe only problem -- we're on the third floor with no elevator so bringing up all that booze from the grocery store is a bit of a pain in the ass.
American Horror Story. Ok, so this has nothing to do with AZ, but since I'm listing favorites, I couldn't not list my new favorite show. One of the best new shows in a long long while. The first season just ended...if you haven't seen it, you need to find a way to catch up.
The Sookie Stackhouse Novels. Yes, I'm way behind the times on this. And again, yes, this has nothing to do with AZ, but I'm in love with these books. Or maybe the better word would be obsessed. Massively, don't-sleep-at-night, obsessed. Thank god for e-libraries & the option to download to kindle or I'd end up broke, considering there's like 473 of the damn things. :)

I suppose that's it for now. I'll be back soon. Another unemployed friend of mine has inspired me to blog more. If nothing else, it'll kill the time. You can only clean your house so damn much, ya know.

The Last 6 Months....

2011-11-01T12:51:00.004-04:00

Holy crap time flies, whether you're having fun or not. Though I suppose it does go a little faster when you're enjoying yourself. But whatever, here's a quick recap of the last six months (which were fun and stressful and exciting and scary and any other adjective you care to throw out there):

* Packed, packed and packed some more and then unpacked and still unpacking.
* Gave away a whole ton of shit, including the monstrous 'old person' chair.
* Experienced my first ever earthquake (minor, of course, but still...).
* Prepped for a hurricane, which never really came.
* Fell off the no smoking wagon.
* Spent some quality time down the shore with the family.
* Finished renovating the summer cabin (which is now too far away to actually use).
* Said goodbye to all our friends & family.
* Moved 2500 miles away from everything and everyone that we know.
* Drove through 10 states in 10 days.
* Stood on the stage at the Grand Ole Opry.
* Had Cracker Barrel so many times that I will NEVER eat there again.
* Learned that it takes 21 mississippis to cross The Mississippi.
* Finally won my fight with Dreams Resorts (and looking forward to our FREE 5 night stay there next year).
* Started and won a fight with my movers. But I'm still waiting for the check.
* Became an AZ resident and voted in my first local election (love the "everyone can vote by mail" law they have here).
* Found a local bar that we love.
* Became addicted to the X Factor.
* Joined LivingSocial and some other local 'deal-per-day' site and got to take an awesome photography class. Now I know what all those little symbols on my (super fancy) camera mean. Next up: ROLLER DERBY!
* Got a new hard drive for my Mac, as if I had a choice. Still hoping someone will be able to recover everything from the burned out old one.
* Found not just one, but FOUR places near me that have GF pizza.
* Applied for somewhere in the range of 40 jobs, but STILL unemployed.

So there you have it. The short & sweet version. I'd stay stop back soon for details, but let's be honest. I'm terrible at this blogging thing. :)

Holy Shit I'm Moving to Arizona!

2011-05-07T00:34:00.001-04:00

I mean I've known I was moving to Arizona for a while, but today, for the first time, the whole enormity of it hit me. holyshitimmovingtoarizona!!!

And the first thing I thought after that was... Holy shit, I own way too much crap. Not like, oh shit she's a hoarder amount of crap, but still, alot of crap.

And so the great Stina giveaway begins. Some stuff I am selling (it ain't cheap moving cross country) with the help of a friend (thanks Mr. Fister!), but for the most part, I'm gonna need to be giving away a whole bunch of random shit.

For example, know anywhere I can donate a chair that lifts up and down to help you out of it and weighs about 8000 pounds? Cool, cause I need to get rid of one.

Like I said, alot of crap.

And then there's the whole, ohmygodidontknowasouloutthere thing.

So yeah, I'm starting to freak out a little bit. Not in a bad way, but...still. Kinda freakin out a little.

And crazy excited at the same time. Its kinda awesome.

HSF

The True Test

2011-04-17T12:02:00.001-04:00

At 9:30 on Friday morning, I got in my car to drive to my moms some 350 miles away. Having JUST quit smoking, I knew the drive might pose a bit of a challenge. OMG how right I was. The Universe was definitely testing me that day.

Because instead of a relatively easy 6 hour drive, it took me more than 10 hours to get where I was going.

Ten fucking hours! Through some of the worst traffic I've seen in all my 40 years.

And yet I did not stumble. And did not smoke a single cigarette. Instead, I took back roads to keep the view interesting. And listened to my cherished country music as loud as it could go (can't get any country stations where I live so I look forward to road trips where I can). And even though it was the longest trip to VA I've ever made, it was surprisingly un-stressful. I actually think that had I been smoking the trip would've really sucked.

So there you have it. The big road trip test is done, at an even more difficult level than I had imagined. In case you couldn't tell, I'm pretty fucking pleased with myself.

And....now I've got several more days to hang put with mommy before going home to the next big test -- going out drinking with all my still-smoking friends.

Yippee! I'm a non-smoker!

2011-04-12T12:19:00.001-04:00

Just finished reading Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. And also just smoked my last cigarette. Ever.

I've stopped smoking before but it never really took. The last time I tried it lasted a year but then I stopped taking the meds. Because silly me, I didn't want to be on psychotropic drugs for the rest of my life. I lasted maybe a week after that. I fell into the same trap that many before me had also fallen into -- the "I can have just one" trap.

This time will be different. No drugs. No nicotine gum or patches or substitutes of any kind. This time I'm going in fully aware. No more traps for me. This time it will take. I know it. Because I know I'm not really dependent on cigs. Nicotine, yes. But cigarettes, no. So once that's out of my system I will be free forever.

Instead of 'giving something up', I'm gaining a whole new life.

Yay me!

Droid

2011-04-10T20:37:00.001-04:00

Got a new phone today. It has a blogger app. Amd so I figured I should give it a shot. And ya know what? It's super easy to use. Maybe it will lead to more blogging by yours truly. :)

Happy St Patrick's Day!

2011-03-17T10:35:00.002-04:00

Time to get my drink on. Although I'm not Irish. Not even a little. Except by marriage. So I suppose I do have a little Irish in me, from time to time anyway. ;)

Yeah - that's right....tasteless jokes are starting early this fine Paddy's Day morn.

And so in that vein....here's my favorite toast/Irish blessing of all time:

May those that love us, love us.
And those that don’t love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if he doesn’t turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we’ll know them by their limping.

Lost Lessons from Footloose

2011-02-03T03:02:00.007-05:00

In 1984, the movie Footloose was released. You know you know it. Kevin Bacon? Lori Singer (of Fame fame)? Crazy Christian town that has a ban against dancing? Don't be shy. You know what I'm talking about.

When I first saw this movie (somewhere around the time it was first released -- fuck, I may have even seen it in the theater), I fucking LOVED it. That much I remember. But its been ages, probably decades, since I last saw it so the details are a bit fuzzy.

But tonight I couldn't sleep. And there, on HBO Family, there it was. Had something else been available for my insomniac viewing pleasure, I might of skipped over it. But it was the best thing on (which actually says something pretty shitty about late night TV). And so here I sit, wishing for sleep, and watching.

And the crazy thing is....to my own surprise, I realized how political this movie actually is. Was. Whatever.

My point...Um. hello. Crazy right wing psychos forcing their religion down the throats of everyone else? Sound familiar? It could be the same fucking bullshit that is floating around today except instead of dancing, the question now is whether poor raped women should be able to get abortions on the public dollar. Not exactly the same, I know, but its still the same religious fucking douchebags trying to force their beliefs on everyone else.

Anywho, 1984 was quite a while ago, and yet tonight I realized that Footloose still has a few things to teach us (apparently because our society is led by a bunch of ignoramuses who can't learn from the past)...

1. It is SO not cool to punch your girlfriend. No matter how cute you are. And whether she was talking to another guy, as liberal as he may be, or not.

2. Book burning is bad. Even preachers agree. (On a side note.....yes, you are allowed to control what your kid reads. Of course you are. They're your kids. BUT, you are NOT allowed to control what MY kid reads).

3. The devil is not found without. He (or she or it or whatever -- I'm nothing if not an equal opportunist) is found within. So stop projecting you silly silly religious wingnuts.

4. People will follow the shittiest, most draconian, bullshit rules for no other reason than they're afraid to confront the status quo. Kind of like gays raised in Republican homes.

5. One person can make a difference. At least on a small scale.

6. Dancing can be good for the soul! (Even the bible agrees -- for example....."a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance" Ecc. 3:4; "Let them praise his name with dancing" Psalm 149:3; "Thou has turned for me my mourning into dancing; though hast put off my sackcloth and girded me with gladness" Psalm 30:11)

There are probably others, but I'm already up WAY past my bedtime and am done thinking for the evening. Feel free to share your own Footloose Lessons in the comments. :)

New Year, New Life

2011-01-03T18:18:00.002-05:00

On November 8, I started a countdown toward Thanksgiving. I didn't even make it to the second day. And that's because, quite simply, on the very next day I was abruptly terminated from my job. I spent the better part of my summer abroad working my ass off, and almost all of the fall shut up in a hotel in NYC working my ass off, and as soon as that was all over, what did I get? A nice big fat fucking boot up the ass. Not even a, hey, take your time, we'll help you find work, goodbye. A get your shit and get the fuck out one. It was ugly. But, looking back on it now, it was probably the very best thing that could have happened. Because not only was I given a push out of a job a didn't like in the first place, but I got to have one of the best holiday seasons of my life. One where I wasn't tied to my blackberry waiting for the other shoe to drop. One where I didn't have piles and piles of case with me to read. One where I wasn't going crazy at the last minute to find gifts, because I had plenty of time to buy them in advance. Like I said, it was awesome. A blessing in disguise, and one which I am still enjoying. Because I'm still unemployed, and will likely remain this way for at least a few more months. It will be the first time in my whole entire life since I was like 14 years old that I've not had a job. And I plan to enjoy every lovin minute of it.

2010 Book List

2010-12-31T14:59:00.000-05:00

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown (on Kindle)
The Chocolate Chip Cookie Murder by ?? (on Kindle)

Mr. Golightly's Holiday by Salley Vickers
Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh (gave up on)
The Survivors Club by Lisa Gardner (borrowed from lending library @ Bay St Station)
The Girl Who Chased the Moon by Sarah Addison Allen
Stalking Susan by Julie Kramer (borrowed from lending library @ Bay St Station)
Songs for the MIssing by Stewart O'Nan
The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson (not yet registered)
The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson
The Double Bind by Chris Bohjalian
The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer & Annie Barrows
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
One Day by David Nicholls
Home to Big Stone Gap by Adriana Trigiani
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen
Wetlands by Charlotte Roche
Burn This Book and Move On with Your Life by Jessica Hurley (bookray with a twist...http://www.bookcrossing.com/forum/20/6419292)
Wild Meat and the Bully Burgers by Lois-Ann Yamanaka
Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster
Learning Curves by Gemma Townley
Captain Corelli's Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres
Lovers and Players by Jackie Collins
The Third Angel by Alice Hoffman (not yet registered)
The Bad Behavior of Belle Cantrell by Loraine Despres

17 Days of Thanksgiving

2010-11-08T13:37:00.002-05:00

So I've seen this meme a few places....usually its says 25 days of Thanksgiving. Since T-day is the 25th this year, I assume. But I'm a slow starter and so rather than go back for 8 days, I figured, what the hell, I'll start today. I don't mean to be overly serious here or too self-analytical. Its really just an excuse to get me blogging again now that my stay in hell (aka the Millennium Hilton) is finally over. So....with that in mind....here it goes.

Today I am thankful for seamlessweb.com. Because it means never having to leave the building or talk to the take-out places who never seem to understand me. An online take-out ordering service may seem like a frivolous thing to be thankful for, I know, but what can I say. Sometimes I am just a frivolous girl. Besides, seamless is the shit. If you live or work in NYC, DC or a bunch of other cities it services, and haven't tried it yet, you should. It will change your life. For reals.

My New (Hilton) BFF

2010-10-28T13:11:00.001-04:00

For 26 days now, although it feels much much longer, I've been literally living at the Millennium Hilton. It's directly across from ground zero and after 2 or 3 days, I basically got used to the sound of the constant construction across the street. It never stops. And I mean never. 24 hours a day there are pylon drivers, and jackhammers and all manner of insanely loud construction equipment running. There is traffic and road work and all the rest too. But at this point, its almost soothing -- the constancy of it; the feeling of progress -- since I've been here, I watched them add several stories to the Freedom Tower. I've also witnessed some amazing sunsets from our "war room" perch up on the 55th floor overlooking the Hudson. Because not only do I live here now, I work here too -- all thanks to the inability of two billionaire companies to settle their disagreements. Well, its not quite that simple, but still.

So here's the deal: my firm has had the entire top floor of this place, which is usually the first class suites for the ultra fancy and super rich, turned into a series of "war rooms." (for you non-lawyers -- a war room is really just a room where lawyers can work together to prepare for trial or some other deal). I've spent no less than 15 hours a day in the war room. Usually considerably more than that. I've never spent more than 8 hours in a row in my room, usually considerably less. And fuck, in 26 days, I've spent a sum total of maybe 8 hours out of doors. I eat my meals here. All of them. If I work out, I do it in the hotel's gym. A laundry services picks up & drops off our laundry. There is nothing you need that can't be delivered. I go outside only to get Starbucks (when we run out of coffee in the war room) or to pick up more snacks from the bodega around the corner. It's utterly miserable.

But it actually gets worse....

Because you see, while I usually like the company of the people I work with, most of them are actually cool fun people, a few weeks ago the powers that be sent us an extra pair of hands in the from of a new associate. The First Year. By the end of his first day, we thought he was a little odd. By the end of day three, we decided he must have some sort of mental condition. And by day 5, we wanted either to kill him or kill ourselves so that we wouldn't have to spend another minute more with him. The odd things he does are just too numerous and mind-numbingly irritating to list here, but here's just a few.

(1) He paces. Constantly. As if under some immeasurable pressure. But I mentioned he's new right? He's here to be a glorified paralegal. There is nothing for him to be stressed about. The most difficult task he's been given so far is print about 40 case opinions from the internet and put them in a binder in alphabetical order. It took him 10 hours. Mostly because he was pacing for 6 of them. That and he appeared to have forgotten the alphabet.

(2) He breathes loudly. Like seriously loudly. Like so loudly that I have to wear headphones and turn my ipod way the hell up so as not to hear it. It sounds like the sound people make when they come up from being under water a little too long. A long, heavy exhalation. Except he's not underwater. It's like he's forgetting how to breath. Which is not all that unbelievable since he apparently forgot the alphabet.

(3) He twirls his sideburns. Often while pacing.

(4) He's a fucking know it all. Remember how I said he was sent to us a few weeks ago? And how he's a new? Well, the rest of us have been on this case for more than a year now. Have lost our summers to depositions in London. Have given up weekends to endless investigation into the facts. Well, apparently, newbie here is so fucking brilliant that he was able to master the case in two days. Or at least that's how it would seem since he constantly has to throw his two cents into every fucking conversation we have. And its not limited to shop talk. He knows everything about everything. When he tried to tell me about italian cooking though, I had to pull out the bitch and shut him the hell up.

(5) He hovers. And copies. For example, for the first couple of weeks, I would get up from my work area and go across the room to the "snack table" to get a snack. We have all sorts of snacks here. Lawyers who work around the clock need nourishment form of junk food. That's just how it works. Except in my case, my snacks are gluten free. They're special. And oftentimes not as good as regular snacks. I dream of mint milano cookies. But I digress....I go over to the snack table, I choose my snack, and before I can turn around to go back to my work station, there he is, right fucking behind me. And while he could eat anything he wants, he doesn't. He chooses whatever snack I choose. WHATEVER SNACK I CHOOSE. Like he wants to be my new BFF or something. I even purposely bought some of the most vile GF foods out there, and forced myself to eat them, just as a test, and lo and behold, if I ate it, he'd eat it. It's actually a little disturbing. I eventually bought my own snacks and kept them right next to me to dissuade his freakish behavior. He's since latched on to a colleague. She's vegan. So apparently now he is too.

So there you have it -- as if it wasn't bad enough that we have to give up our entire lives for this thankless fucking job for more than a month (we've been here 26 days and have at least 10 more to go), we have to deal with The First Year. Who we've nicknamed FS. Because we need to be able to talk about him while he's around so as not to go utterly out of our minds batshit crazy. And FreakShow would just be too rude.

"Jackie Kennedy would not have camel toe.*

2010-09-18T02:22:00.004-04:00

So this designer says, "Well, i was worried it was getting old?" And I get that in fashion language but at the same time, what the fuck is so wrong with getting old? Hmmmmm? Sure, I'm biased (40 is right around the corner; I can see it; that bitch is totally staring at me) but still. Who the fuck decided that only young and whateverthefuck is so goddamn fabulous and "old" is well, not gonna win you any contests? Whoever the hell it was, somebody, some "old" somebody, should kick his ass.

*Tim Gunn. Gotta give credit where credit's due. ;)

No News = Good News? Not Exactly

2010-09-03T16:27:00.006-04:00

In early June, maybe even late May, I applied for a new job. One where the hours will be more manageable and one where my commute will drop from 90 minutes in each direction to a mere 15 minutes in each direction. Meaning, even if the hours aren't any better at the new place, I'd still get back more than 2 hours a day that I currently lose sitting on a fucking train.

So -- June/May whatever....I send in my resume. A couple weeks later, I get invited to an interview. It takes a couple more weeks to set that up but it eventually happens and it goes GREAT! They fucking LOVE me. So much so that they ask me on the spot to come in for a second interview.

The second interview, thanks to my shitty fucking work schedule, took over a month to set up but it too seemed to go really well. Left there on a high -- absolutely sure the job was mine. They told me a decision would be made soon, within a matter of days. And then...NOTHING. Not a word. Radio fucking silence.

I couldn't take it. Here I was, spending each day thinking, Is today the day I give my notice? Can I book that weekend for early October? I started thinking about what it would be like to have free time again. But after a week of nothing, I started to go a little nuts and so I make a call and I'm told "Oh yeah, so great to hear from you, we're gonna decide early next week, yada yada bullshit."

That was 10 days ago. TEN. MOTHERFUCKING. DAYS. And on each of those days the job seems less and less likely. And the plans for fall have to be canceled. And the misery that is my job starts to set back in. Sure, they haven't said no. But they haven't said yes either.

Everyone says no news is good news. But that's not particularly comforting when you're facing 18 hour days in the interim. Who cares if no news is good news if you go crazy before you can get the good news, right?

Dear Karma,

2010-08-26T14:12:00.005-04:00

I think I've been a pretty decent person. I donate my time and money to charity. I'm good to my friends and family. I've done what I can to help other folks whenever they ask. I even try not to complain too much when it comes to my god awful job. And I never really ask for anything in return. But just about now I think I'm due. So Karma, please. Get me the fuck out of this job. Because I honestly don't think I can take it anymore. And I don't think I should have to risk losing my home to rid myself of a job that makes me so unhappy that its all I can do not to burst into tears on a daily basis. And it's only going to get worse the closer we get to October. I've already lost my entire summer. I don't want to miss the fall too.

So look, I've already done all the leg work and found a job I think I could really enjoy. And I did pretty well at the interviews too. All I need you to do is to give the powers that be a little push to offer me the job. So please, I beg of you, do me a solid Karma, would ya? I will be eternally grateful. You have no idea.

Thanks,
Your Friend and believer,
'stina

Sometimes TV is Totally Fucking Awesome

2010-08-08T02:18:00.004-04:00

Sex scenes in first few episodes of The Pillars of the Earth:
-- true lovers: sexy, beautiful
-- old married social climbers: boring, perfunctory
-- rape (daughter of disgraced nobleman by loser son of social climber)
-- social climber mother jerks off power hungry rapist adult son: gross & demented

So I had this idea about writing something witty (and possibly even eloquent if you can fucking believe it) while watching this new show. And that little bit of nonsense above is my "holy shit, quick write it down before you forget it" notes. Of course, there were a couple (or three) glasses of wine in between the original thought and now, so I'm not a hundred percent sure where I was going with it.

But what I AM sure about is this... if you've read Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth, then you HAVE to fucking see The Pillars of the Earth on Starz. Maybe even if you didn't read the book you should check out the show (and if you don't have Starz, I'm sure there's somewhere on the web to find it). Granted, the production value ain't great in a couple of places, but the story and the characters are simply fantastic. Religion. Politics. Corruption. Intrigue. Murder. And the building of a cathedral in 12th century England.

Plus, c'mon, who doesn't like a variety of sex scenes with their evening drama?

2010-08-04T16:50:00.003-04:00

A little birdy just told me that Prop 8 in California has been declared unconstitutional under both the Due Process and Equal Protection clauses.

Can you say hallefuckinglujuah?

Of course, the knuckle draggers behind that shitty law are sure to appeal, all the way to the Supremes if necessary, but this is a pretty amazing step in the right direction.

So thank you Chief Judge Walker. Thank you.

Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness was probably already rich

2010-07-13T10:29:00.009-04:00

In less than 24 hours, I'm off to London once again. And the beauty of this trip? My return date is OPEN. Yes, open, as in, we haven't decided yet when you'll be allowed to come home, now back to work you fucking grunt. Ok, that's not totally true -- I know I won't be there past August 7, but still. How they expect people to live like this is beyond me.

I for one have had enough. But unless I want to go from one horror show (a.k.a. big slave-driving law firm) to another, there ain't much out there these days. At least, there ain't much out there that pays enough for me to make my mortgage payment each month without having to take a second job just to get by. Which pretty much would defeat the purpose of leaving the shitty job I have now.

If only I had some money. . . I don't need much -- maybe just a few hundred grand or so (yes, that sounds like a lot, but in the scheme of things, its really nothing) -- ya know. . . enough to pay off the dreaded second mortgage, quit my life-sucking job and start my own business. The DH and I actually have an AMAZING business idea -- we've got the concept, the name, the approximate location (eastern shore of VA, baby!) and the know how. All we need now is the cash.

We'd sell our house but thanks to greedy fucking banker assholes who crashed the real estate market while lining their own already overstuffed wallets, its worth less than we owe on it. I don't have any rich relatives or know any venture capitalists and without some cash of our own, no bank will even consider giving us a loan no matter how fantastic of an idea we might have. And I don't care what anyone says, with few exceptions, the whole "American dream" of creating wealth from nothing doesn't mean shit anymore. The system is set up to keep the rich rich and everyone else just getting by.

And then we're fed a whole line of bullshit to keep us from rising up against this fucking nonsense....Unhappy with the status quo? It couldn't possibly be because you're broke or don't have the freedom to do what you want. Oh no -- because if you just did what you love, the money would follow, say some (of course, they don't tell you how you're supposed to eat and keep a roof over your head while waiting for the money to flow). Money doesn't buy happiness, say the others (as they drive around in their luxury SUVs wearing $1500 sunglasses on the way to their $20 million dollar homes). Maybe my little business idea would fail; maybe I'd hate it. But without the start up money, I'll never be able to even try.

So please, spare me the money doesn't buy happiness line of shit. The only people who really believe that are people who don't need money. Because I'll tell you fucking what -- if I suddenly had a million dollars, I'd be the happiest bitch on the fucking planet, I promise you that.

A Red Bull Convert Speaks

2010-06-21T12:10:00.008-04:00

It is Summer Solstice today...and I've heard its a beautiful day. I've heard the spring was nice too. But I wouldn't really know because I've been in the seventh circle of hell, known in wider circles as my job.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate my job? Well, its getting worse by the day. In March, I was so bored I wanted to pull my hair out. And then April came along and I've barely seen the light of day since. On Saturday, I got shipped off to jolly olde England for the most exhausting of all my cases and all my friends kept saying how lucky I was -- how it was just sooooo coooooool that I got to travel to London on business. So cool my fucking ass. What my friends don't seem to understand, even after I fucking explained it to them, is that the only parts of London I'll be seeing are the inside of my client's offices, the inside of the law offices of our co-counsel, and if I'm lucky, the inside of my hotel room for a few hours each night. I got to see London Bridge, too, but that was only because we had to drive over Tower Bridge this morning to get to one of the offices where I'll be spending the better part of the next week (and then three more weeks in July). And yet, despite being told all this, the friends all insisted, Oh stina, I'm sure you'll have some free time to yourself; you'll be able to have some fun. And something inside me would crack just a touch more.

So I gave up trying to explain the insanity that is my job. I even gave up telling people I was traveling because I just couldn't bear to hear the, Oh that's so cool, nonsense anymore. I've almost given up on getting a good night sleep - but a little part in the back of brain remains hopeful, and I can't in good conscious say I "gave up" on sleep because that would suggest I've done so voluntarily even though the sleep deprivation at this point is more akin to torture than it is due to some undying work ethic or some shit.

And so, to keep myself from falling asleep at my computer and hitting my face on my keyboard (again) I've given up water for Red Bull. Even though the only time I ever used to touch the stuff was after a shot of Jager had been dropped in it. Which, actually, come to think of it, might not be a bad idea right about now. Because, seriously, if I'm going to be delusional from lack of sleep, might as well get a buzz while I'm at it, right? I'm not talking about getting dance-on-the-bar drunk or anything, just a shot or two to take the edge off. Bad idea? Good idea? You let me know. In the meantime, I've got to go see if Marks & Spencer unpacked the new shipment of Red Bull yet.

A Potential Advantage of Celiac Disease

2010-05-17T11:48:00.008-04:00

About 2 months ago was the last time I posted here. And also about the last time I had a true honest moment to myself. Or did anything particularly fun or exciting. Or hell, the last time I left my fucking desk for lunch. But today, for the first time in 8 weeks, I will get to leave the building while the sun is still shining. I will get to have lunch somewhere other than my desk. And I may even get home before my husband goes to bed. It's like I've been lost and am now returning from that lost place.

You see, in those 8 weeks, my work has exploded, or imploded, or whatever you call it when it gets so busy and so out of hand that you find yourself working around the clock and without end. Now granted, there are some folks in my office who have worked even more than I have in the last couple of months, but those people are fucking crazy or lack imagination. Because the hours I've put in have fucked with my life enough -- I can't imagine putting in anymore, and especially not double. Let's put it this way: I have worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week for the last 8 weeks, but these other folks were putting in at least 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. And living at a hotel to be on call 24 hours a day. And every single one of them just put up with it. I don't know if they're afraid of losing their jobs during this shitty economy or what. But you better believe that that life will never, fucking ever, be mine. Fuck that. Although it looks like one of my cases is barreling toward that insanity as I write this....

But I plan to avoid this fate one of two ways...

One -- my preference would be to find a new job. And I'm working on that, but as you can imagine, the pickings are slim. Really slim. So, that may take much longer than anticipated. Which means I might still be stuck here when trial hell starts for my case. And if that happens, then .....

Two -- I will absolutely and without regret check myself into a psych ward. Any psych ward. Because just the thought of working 100 hours a week makes me sick, and crazy, and in need of serious medication. I figure after 4 or 5 15 hour fays, I could definitely have a nervous breakdown. Or at least fake one enough to get them to admit me, right? And if that doesn't work, then I will simply poison myself with gluten. Repeatedly if necessary. Can't work 15 hours a day if I'm puking my guts up all day, now can I?

Today in Bigoted Scumbags

2010-03-24T15:19:00.005-04:00

You may have heard about Constance McMillan, the high school senior who was told not only that she could only have a boy as a date to prom but that she had to wear a dress too....she's been all over the telly and the interwebs, including a fan page on facebook. So you must have. But if you live under a rock or have been in a coma or something, here's a quick recap...

Backward-ass town in Mississippi (is that an oxymoron?) tells high school senior she cannot bring lesbian girlfriend as date to prom. Oh, and she can't wear a tux either. Dresses only you little bitch (I don't know they said that, I'm just assuming the bitch part). Cute little lesbian calls in the big guns (aka the ACLU) who demands the school change its policy. Shithole "agricultural" high school, instead of letting a girl wear pants, or god forbid, dance with a girl, cancels said prom. Lawsuit ensues. Yesterday, federal judge says students have a first amendment right to take whoever the hell they want and to wear whatever the hell they want to prom. And that canceling prom was a violation of McMillan's rights.

Now this is all good. Right? Right.

BUT, the judge did not order the school to actually hold a prom. The reasons for this depend on which article you read. But on this one I'll go with the ACLU's press release which says the judge isn't ordering the school to hold a prom because there is a "private" prom being held to which he "expects" Miss McMillan and her girlfriend will be invited.

This private prom, however, was set up by a bunch of fucktard redneck loser ass parents for the whole purpose of being allowed to exclude Miss McMillan, AND as of a few days ago, Miss McMillan was definitely NOT invited. And that just pisses me right the hell off.

OK, the shitty "private" event is going to be held at a furniture mart (yes, you read that correctly) so it will probably suck ass, and all LGBT and LGBT-friendly students in Mississippi are being thrown their own prom by the Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition, which prolly will be way better (um, hello, Green Day is sponsoring it! along with hottie-petottie Lance Bass), but still. The whole "lets have a prom and only straight people can come" makes me sick. And that so many people seem to have no problem with it whatsoever make me even sicker.

Well I for one hope the federal judge throws the fucking book at this homophobic little school system. And I hope the parents who arranged this willfully bigoted "private" prom all....well... I don't know exactly. I could up with a few choice words but I don't want to sound like a raving lunatic so I'll just say I hope they get whats comin' to 'em, whatever the hell that is. Fucking bigots.

Dom Perignon taste. Korbel budget.

2010-03-23T21:59:00.011-04:00

In 9 months and 2 days I'm getting married. Well, technically, I'm ALREADY married, so I guess the proper word is wedding. In 9 months and 2 days I'm having a wedding. In the Dominican Republic. On the beach. And now that we have a travel agent that doesn't suck, it's coming together quite nicely. Except one little teensy tiny little thing. Its nothing really. It's only, well, its only . . .

THE DRESS. Oh goddess help me.

Don't get me wrong, I know I still have plenty of time. So I'm not really stressing about finding something I like (although I'm kinda hoping I can avoid too many trips to those bridal salon joints, something about them just seem so....so....antiseptic and uptight). No, that's not it. You see, my problem, when it comes to the minor issue of what the hell I'll be wearing to my own goddamn wedding, is not finding something I like but its finding something I like that I can actually afford. My problem, quite simply, is that my tastes are WAY beyond any reasonable calculation of my budget. WAY beyond. Besides, even if I had it laying around, I'm not about to spend five or ten grand, OR MORE!, on a few pieces of chiffon that are going to be worn on a beach, for a few hours. That's just so not my style. There are so many better ways to spend that kind of money.

And yet, there in front of me, page after page, are pictures of pretty dresses and every time I find one that jumps off the page and screams "me, me, me! find me! buy me!", I look more closely and find that its a custom Vera Wang; or a vintage Dior; or, like this cutie to your left, a fucking Monique Lhullier. Granted, these lovely ladies have nothing on the most expensive dress ever purchased, but still. They're outta my league. Way out of my league. Even though they are gorgeous as hell. So now the search continues. I only hope I can find something, without too much effort, or too many pushy bridal sales ladies, that is as fabulous as a Marchesa but at a price that doesn't make my stomach turn.

Although who am I really kidding -- if I hit the numbers, I'll buy whatever the hell I want, money be damned. I'll just donate the same amount to charity to assuage my liberal guilt. Ahh, now that would really make this whole dress shopping ordeal a pleasure.

Another reason (or two or three) to love Tuesdays

2010-03-09T23:29:00.008-05:00

Tonight was the Celiac Chicks fundraiser for the Celiac Disease Center at Columbia University: An Evening with the Paul Taylor Dance Company. And of course I had to go....how could I not? It combined my 2 favorite things: food I can eat and dance. And Oh. My. Fucking. God. The food! Unless you have some serious food issues, you have no idea what its like to be free to eat anything you want from a WHOLE BUFFET. Usually, I can pick a few things, at best. But tonight. OH. It was...I don't even have words.

But even the spread (and the goody bags!) was second fiddle to the show. The company did 3 pieces, closing with Syzygy, and oh how I wish I could find a video link for that piece because there is no way I can properly describe it. I don't know what exactly it was about it, and I'm am 100% sure that other people didn't get from it what I did, but it may be one of the very best pieces of choreography I've seen in all my life. In the coat check line, for example, some dude actually compared it to Elaine dancing on Seinfeld and if he had not immediately followed that comment with "But I don't know dance so what do I know" he definitely woulda got a piece of my mind. Although at the same time I kinda see his point because the piece was haphazard and almost frenetic. But at the same time it was also controlled and organized and well, simply amazing to watch. So....he was spared.

And then, not only did I get to pig out at a buffet without worrying about throwing up 2 hours later, and then, full from super tasty food and a lovely Pinot Grigio, see some amazing dance performances, I also came home to the DVR. Where for once, an Idol contestant took on Stevie and did not disappoint. Srsly. If that chick recorded that song tomorrow, I would download it. I'd even be willing to pay the extra 30 c. that iTunes charges for "hit" songs.

But wait...there's more.... What? you ask, could top yummy food, beautiful dance, and a sweet new version of Rhiannon? One word. MamaSox. Oh yeah...my new fave singer chick rocked another one.

It was a good night.

And, hold up a minute -- turns out I CAN buy the Stevie song for the low low price of a buck 29. Sweet. Or at least I will be able to in about 4 days. Which will be Saturday. I love Saturdays.

Tuesdays rock. I bet Elaine would agree.

Another reason to hate Monday

2010-03-08T09:49:00.006-05:00

Driving to work this morning, I found myself getting teary eyed and more than a little weepy. Not moments before, my mom, who had driven up from VA for the weekend and who I don't get to see very often, had turned off my road to hit the highway and head home. I wasn't surprised to feel the way I did -- I hate goodbyes and always get a little sad whenever a visitor goes home -- but usually I have something else to distract me and so the doldrums are short lived. Today, however, I face another ridiculously boring day at work -- I literally have NO work to do. None. And since last week was SOOOOOOO slow too, I don't even have any personal business to attend to. So not only is it Monday, which sucks of its own accord, its a Monday that started with tears and one that will likely take weeks to be over. The best thing I can say about today is that the Oscars were last night so I'm sure there is a ton of obnoxious internet chatter but who was wearing who and who should be seeking out a new stylist. But even that is unlikely to distract me from knowing that it will be several months, at least, before I get to see my mom again. And that's just too long. Maybe its time to start thinking about moving back down south. Or maybe I should just get a job that doesn't have me bored to death one day and stressed beyond comprehension the next. I don't know. All I do know is that I hate Mondays.

The Ever-Changing Face of 42 (or "Winter Sucks")

2010-03-05T15:17:00.005-05:00

OK - I know its only early March and I should not yet be complaining that winter is still around, but DAMMIT, winter is still around and I HAVE HAD. E. NOUGH.

Last night, driving home from the train station, my car said the temperature outside was 42 degrees. A few weeks ago, when it was snowicaning all over the damn place, I would've been siked for 42. I would've been like, "Hells yeah, spring is coming, spring is coming!" But last night? Not so much. I felt like telling 42 to go fuck itself. Assuming the car was telling the truth, 42 has completely changed its tune since a few weeks back. Or rather, I suppose I expected it to be kinder than it was. But it wasn't being nice. NO. It was being a little bitch actually. That is if it really WAS 42. It sure didn't seem like the 42 that a few weeks earlier I had wished for. Oh hell no. Last night, my sweet little 42 was more like that frigid bitch 32. And that was so uncool. But I didn't want to fault 42 so as I sat there shivering, I actually yelled at my car. Out loud. "Bull-shit it's 42. You fucking piece of shit liar." I know. I know. It's not nice to swear at my car, especially since its a Toyota and is likely to go postal on my ass, but comethefuckonalready. Winter seems so long at this point that I don't even recognize my beloved 42. And that, my friends, is reason enough to think your car capable of temperaturistic plots against you.

Needless to say, if winter doesn't end soon, I may very well have to check myself in somewhere. But at least then I'll be warm. They tend to keep temperatures up in places where people wander around in bathrobes.

Hey there internet world...

2010-02-19T23:08:00.023-05:00

How's it going? It's been a while, huh? My fault, totally, of course, but what the hell can I say, I'm a scatterbrain. I kept meaning to stop by a share a story or two and then, BAM, next thing ya know, February is almost over. I mean, seriously, where the fuck have these last few month gone? And how the hell is it possible that it seems to have passed by in a flash and yet, at the same time, winter seems so un-fucking-believably long? I don't have it nearly as bad as my friends down south, for sure, what with snopocalypse, and snOMG, and snomageddon and the Real World DC and all, but still. The leaves were falling just a moment ago and its felt like Narnia before the thaw ever since. Weird, right?

But anyway, let's see, in the last few months I've been, at one time or another.... busy, distracted, overwhelmed, excited, relaxed, overworked, exhilarated, depressed, proud, shocked, nostalgic, disappointed, ridiculously happy and pathetically addicted to facebook, to name just a few. It would take several pages for the details of where all that came from, so, in hopes of keeping your attention, I'll just give you the highlights. And only the good ones at that because, quite simply, I've had some vino and don't wanna make myself sad. So, here it goes...late 2009 thru early 2010, in a nutshell...

There was......playing "Champion!" at the Rocky statue during the Great Urban Race, attending the NCCC Conference in Chicago and the very next day jetting off to DC for a visit with Mr & Mr Durban Bud & a sea of rainbow flags at the National Equality March, Turkey Day at Denver Stadium with my bro & his boys (which counts as a good highlight even though the Giants even barely showed up to play that day), the annual Jamaica trip (best job perk ever!!!), White Christmas in Charlottesville with the fam (with a snow fort and everything), and then, the super-duper favoritist highlight ever, which includes a bunch of its own smaller highlights -- 12 days in Costa Rica, during what were some of the coldest days the east coast has seen all winter, to see two of our very dearest friends tie the knot and during which time we......

...got a private river tour of Cano Negro near the Nicaraguan border (including our own special little run in with some seriously heavy armed Tico cops)

...had the pleasure of getting to know Carlos (former Jersey resident and Tico-born proprietor of Chachagua Rain Forest Hotel, which you HAVE to go to if you ever find yourself in central CR) and his horses

...got to stay in one of the most beautiful rooms I've ever seen with a view there are not words for

The Room:

The View:

...entered and won what we could only describe as Battle Karaoke

...watched as El Jefe, an adorable and yet somewhat terrifying monkey, climbed onto our private deck (named El Jefe, or The Boss, because, as the DH said, "well he's the boss of me" -- cause really, if there were a big ass monkey on your deck, you'd probably let him be in charge of you too)

...had drinks in an Iran-Contra era airplane

....witnessed a simple yet stunning wedding ceremony on a piece of beach that gets washed out each day and so will never again be exactly the same (which I thought was just so crazy cool)

And best of all, got to live life with no cell phones, television, blackberries or internet for 10 whole days. It was glorious. So much so that I'm thinking seriously of buying property there just to have a place to escape every so often. Because then at least I'd have an excuse for not stopping by more often......

Bookcrossing 2009

2010-01-14T11:18:00.005-05:00

Here's a fact about me you may not know -- I am a voracious reader. I almost always have at least one or two books lying around, plus another in my commuter bag. I cannot get enough. And often wish I had more time for pleasure reading (as opposed to work reading, of which I have a ton). I tend to like fiction, chick-lit type novels, but my interests vary.

So, as part of this healthy addiction of mine, I am a "bookcrosser." I'm not going to bother to explain what that is -- if you are really interested, you can learn about it here.

So anyway -- on my bookcrossing page, I, like most bookcrossers, keep a list of books I've read. To avoid getting an unmanageable sized list, I do it by year and then, when the year is up, I park my list here. Not terribly exciting, I know, but its what I do. So, in case you care, here is my 2009 list:

Books read, re-read or gave up on in 2009:

Our Spoons Came from Woolworths by Barbara Comyns (bookray)
Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (bookray)
The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie
Belinda by Anne Rice (ray-it-forward)
Snow White & the Seven Samurais by Tom Holt (bookray)
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke
The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein (bookray)
One Good Affair by Tess Stimson
Hidden Secrets by Cait London (bookray)
The Somnambulist by Jonathan Barnes
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (bookray)
Shopaholic & Baby by Sophie Kinsella (bookray)
The Queen of the Big Time by Adriana Trigiani
Surviving High Society by Elizabeth Marvin Mulholland
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
A Rather Lovely Inheritance by C. A. Belmond
The Knitting Circle by Ann Hood (bookray)
Drop Dead Neighbor by Saralee Rosenberg
You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps by Tom Holt (bookray)
The Undomesticated Goddess by Sophie Kinsella
Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
Cocktails for Three by Madeleine Wickham (aka Sophie Kinsella)
Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler
My Sister's Keeper: A Novel by Jodi Picoult
When In Rome by Gemma Townley
Inkspell by Cornelia Funke

So there's this guy...

2009-12-05T02:44:00.006-05:00

I have this friend. Jill (names have been changed to protect the guilty). About 20 years ago, little less, Jill had this thing with this guy Bobby. And by thing, I don't mean anything in particular, just one of those I'm-single-you're-single-you're-horny-I'm horny-let's-hook-up kinda things. So Jill and Bobby had this hot-and-heavy totally uncommitted "'relationship". Next thing ya know, there's an ultimatum. Oh shit. Adios. Goodbye booty call.

Fast-forward 20 years.

Jill's not-quite-happily married. Bobby's divorcing. There wasn't exactly any cheating going on, exactly, they never even got close to laying a hand on each other, but... Hell, there would have been something (and one hell of a story probably too). Ya see, there was this whole weekend in the city planned. Planned via text message, by the way. TEXT MESSAGE. Um, hello, but srsly? Aren't you like 40?

But whatev... Weekend's planned. And then, BAM, all outta the blue, Jill runs into Bobby. Which was unfuckingbelievable since only days before Bobby was living over a thousand miles away. But there he was...in her fucking kitchen of all damn places. It's too convoluted to even bother to explain. Believe me. You'll regret the 20 minutes. I promise.

So, yeah, there's Bobby in Jill's fucking kitchen. Which was doubly weird cause her husband was ALSO in the kitchen. Apparently she got through it without totally spazzing; probably mostly because she was txting me like every 3 seconds. Poor kid, someone should probably give her an ativan. I would, but my doctor totally sucks.

Anyway...the short story is that Jill and Bobby got like 2 seconds together and at the end of the night, the weekend was still on.

Fast-forward 2 weeks.

It's the Monday before "The Weekend." Jill is driving me crazy. It's not even my weekend and I can't wait for it to come. Only a few more days, I figure I can deal. And then, BAM, a-fuck-king-gain, random Bobby spotting by Jill. During this particular little visit, we find out that Bobby, not-yet-even-divorced Bobby, has some new girl on the side.

Fast-forward 4 weeks.

Jill's a mess. Turns out this girl-on-the-side ended up to be a little more than that. Or at least that's Bobby's story. Goodbye weekend. Problem is that Jill really really REALLY wanted The Weekend to happen and now its totally not. And she's driving me crazy.

So you see, there's this guy. Not my guy. Just a guy. And I wish he'd just forget about whoever this chick of the moment is, just for a day or two. No offense to whoever she is, but I'm tired. Friends can be exhausting sometimes. And if I didn't have unlimited txting, I'd be broke. So please. The Weekend. Is 48 hours really too much to ask?

Second Class Citizens Still.

2009-11-30T13:00:00.003-05:00

A week or so ago, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued new guidelines regarding when and how often women should get Pap tests, which, in case you didn't know, screen for HPV and cervical cancer. In fact, the Pap test is the sole reason why the number of deaths from cervical cancer in this country has dropped so dramatically in the last 30 years. In countries where the Pap has not been so widely used, cervical cancer is second only to breast cancer in causing premature deaths of women.

Until this change, the guidelines said Pap testing should start within three years after becoming sexually active and take place every year. Now they say testing shouldn't start until age 21 regardless of sexual activity and then only has to be done every 2 years after that. And, once a woman reaches age 30, it should only be done every 3 years. The reason for the change, ACOG says, is because doctors have been performing too many unnecessary procedures on young women; procedures which can cause these women to be unable to carry a pregnancy to term; procedures which aren't necessary because in MOST cases the HPV or abnormal cervical condition will clear up on its own.

The new guidelines came just days after the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (of which not one member is an oncologist) issued its own new set of guidelines related to women's health. Namely, guidelines detailing when women should start getting mammograms, the primary screening tool for breast cancer. There too the age for testing to start was raised, from age 40 to age 50, in part because too many doctors were performing too many unnecessary procedures.

The ACOG says their guidelines have nothing to do with the mammogram guidelines; and that they have nothing to do with the current health care debate going on in which women's sexual health is a major sticking point. The timing, they say, is purely coincidental. The decision to make the change, they say, was not political. Well I for one call bullshit. LIFE is political and there are no coincidences.

But what I'd really like to fucking know is why are women being screwed because doctors are fucking up? If the doctors are over-treating then, hello, fix the fucking doctors. Why is it we keep hearing about how women's health care needs to be rationed? Why is our society so willing to put women's lives at risk because a bunch of doctors (mostly male I remind you) don't know what the fuck they're doing? What about mens health care? Is there NO overtreatment there to be rationed? You think anyone is even thinking about changing the guidelines for when men get their prostate checked? Or whether Viagra is being overprescribed? I highly fucking doubt it. And that is because women, no matter how far we've come, are still undervalued in our society. And our fertility seems more important to that society than our actual lives: it was negative fertility outcomes that led to the change in Pap testing to begin with. I'll tell you this: not being able to carry a baby to term is devastating, but I imagine dying from, or even just suffering with, cervical cancer would be a whole lot worse. Because while reduced screening will surely lead to less unnecessary treatments, you know what the fuck else it will do - it will lead to less NECESSARY treatments too.

On the day the guidelines came out, I heard stories from 3 young women who would probably be dead if they waited until 21 to get their first pap test, or waited 2 or 3 years between tests. These women are all cervical cancer SURVIVORS, instead of victims, because of yearly screening and the treatment they received after their "abnormal" test results.

The point is simply - early screening saves lives. Every day. And by pushing back screening ages, the ACOG and the USPTF are putting women's lives at risk. And I am disgusted. And what makes it worse is that the National Cervical Cancer Coalition, an organization which stresses early screening and which I thought would be outraged right along with me about the Pap guidelines, actually supports the new guidelines because HPV/cervical abnormalities ALMOST always clear up on their own in younger women. But what about those women for whom they don't just clear up? Are their lives not worth saving? Aren't these women's lives worth more than the fertility of a few others? Or are we all still just here to be babymakers, worthless without that biological ability?

You might think that in the 21st century women, and their health, wouldn't have to take a back seat to some bureaucratic bullshit. But apparently you'd be wrong.

Spot the Dick

2009-11-17T09:49:00.005-05:00

Have you heard this story yet? About the 21 year old single mother Army cook who refused deployment to Afghanistan because she didn't have anyone to care for her 11 month son and is now facing possible criminal charges for doing so? Well, technically, she didn't refuse outright to be deployed; rather, she failed to show up on the date of her specific deployment claiming she needed more time to find someone to care for her infant child while she was serving abroad. Apparently, the grandmother had originally agreed to take the kid, but after having him the week prior to the mom's deployment date, decided she couldn't do it (the grandmother, it seems, is also caring for a special needs kid of her own as well as two ailing adult family members). The Army says it would never deploy a single parent without a "family plan" in place; but the mom's lawyer says that isn't exactly the truth and the mom had been told that she had to deploy regardless of her family plan and if the kid had to be placed in foster care, well then, so be it.

I obviously don't know who is telling the truth here, or what's gonna happen to this chick and her kid, but I gotta say, reading this story on the train this morning got me all kinds of worked up. At first I was like, "That motherfucking military! What the fuck is wrong with them? How dare they even think about sending a single mother into a war zone? Have they no fucking compassion?" And that led, of course, to me ruminating about how fucked up the fucking war is in the first place and how we should be done with it already. But then I thought more about the actual story, and although I still think the situation is fucked up (and that our Nobel Peace Prize winning President should really do whatever it takes to get us the hell out of the middle east), I can't help but wonder....

1. Where the hell is the kid's dad? He's not mentioned in any of the articles about this story. Not even a 'we don't know where the hell he is' mention. Who is he? Why can't he take the kid while mom is at war? Does mom know? Is there some other fucked up cover-up going on here?

2. Mom joined the Army in 2007, her kid is 11 months old. So that means she, single and without adequate family support (I'm assuming since she doesn't seem to have anyone else to watch her kid for her), got pregnant and decided to have a baby while actively serving (and depending when in '07 she joined, potentially only months after joining). And presumably while knowing she would be deployed to a war zone; or at least knowing she was at risk of being deployed to a war zone. Um, hello, but WTF is up with that? Has this chick never heard of condoms? Or, duh, the PILL? 'Cause I know military insurance pays for the Pill. I know it for a fact. Did she do it on purpose? Is this all just a scam to get her out of the service which she VOLUNTEERED for? Why not just wait until your tour is done?

I'd really like to know the answer to at least some of these questions so I can decide whether to be pissed at the Army, or pissed at her. Because someone is being a dick here. I'm sure of it. I'm just not sure I can spot who it is. Can you?

2009-10-01T00:59:00.001-04:00

Best thing I've read all day.

No wonder the arts in the public schools are suffering...

2009-09-30T16:04:00.012-04:00

So I go SMAPA on Monday night to take my usual super-awesome jazz class with super-awesome Taylor. On this particular night, there were 2 brand-newbies who obviously were friends and had come together. The first brand-newbie, we'll call her Willing, was, well, how do I put this nicely, a touch on the not-so-skinny side. The other, we'll call her Lazy Bitch, had more of a 'dancer's body' but definitely didn't just walk out of some company rehearsal or anything. Or even a different class. The point being -- these women LOOKED like newbies, not like dancers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The class is, after all, a "open" level adult class. And yay for Sharon that she's getting new faces to her studio which, sitting as it does above one of the more sought after shopping areas in town, must fetch a crazy penny in rent.

But whatev...

There we are with the 2 brand-newbies. Taylor runs us through the warm-up (easy), on through stretches (super-easy) and then into the combination. Which he went over so many times I lost count. The whole thing was maybe 8 counts of 8. Which is NOTHING. And considering some of the other numbers he's choreographed for us, this was pretty low on the skill scale too. Anyway, after a couple of run-throughs with music as a class, we break into smaller groups so we can really 'dance' the piece. And of course, Taylor makes sure a 'regular' is in each group so the newer folks have someone to follow.

I ended up in Group 3, Willing in Group 1 and Lazy Bitch in Group 2. Which was cool, cause I wanted to see what these chicks looked like on the floor. I was actually surprised by how well Willing did -- she struggled some, sure, but she muscled through and her attitude was great and performance quality decent. I wouldn't say I was impressed, exactly, but I wasn't horrified. And then it was time for Lazy Bitch's group to go. I wondered if Willing's somewhat smaller compatriot would do as well. But! instead of trying the routine, Lazy Bitch took a seat on the window ledge. I though Taylor was going to lose his shit.

But wait, it gets better.

When asked why she was sitting and not getting ready to dance, Lazy Bitch responded in a tone of voice dripping with disdain, "We're dance teachers. And I learn best by watching. It's what I teach my kids."

Dance teachers? FUCKING DANCE TEACHERS? That has to be a joke, right? These two brand-newbies got paid to teach dance? Really? I was astounded. Not to mention the fact that no dancer worth their toe shoes would ever say they learned best by watching. Dance is something you learn best by doing you stupid cow. It's why on SYTYCD people re-do the steps for the choreography session over and over and over again. It's called muscle memory, and that shit works.

But anyway -- the show must go on, so to speak, so we kept running the number, all the while Lazy Bitch sat on her lazy ass. After a few run throughs, class finished, as it always does, with some across the floor work. Again, with Lazy Bitch sitting on her lazy ass with her holier than thou attitude, basically giving up on the whole class after Taylor tried once again to get her back on the floor. (Willing, on the other hand, proved that while she may not have a dancer's body, she sure as hell has a dancer's spirit cause she worked it across the floor -- maybe she wasn't technically gifted, but she had the right attitude at least).

And then, just as I was putting on my shoes and feeling those awesome endorphins and that super stretched sweaty wonderfulness, my post-class bliss was shattered. Decimated. Because that's when I learned that Lazy Bitch isn't just a dance teacher in some shithole studio somewhere, like I'd been telling myself since her first mention of it earlier in class. Oh no no no. NO. Instead, I learned that fucking Lazy Bitch is actually a dance teacher in a NJ public elementary school. And that's when I threw up a little in my mouth.

Because I could dance circles around this bitch and would possibly consider killing someone for that job. How the hell did she get it? I mean, seriously? I've been dancing all my life, hold 2 degrees, and even I don't qualify for a job teaching dance in the public schools.

And those poor fucking kids. Come. On. They're being introduced to dance by someone who can't dance and who thinks you learn by watching. Someone who basically gives up when challenged by a teacher. Hel. lo. Nice fucking life lesson whore. Next why don't you teach them that reading is overrated and college doesn't matter? It makes me sick still to even think about it.

And it makes me wonder if there will be any arts left in the public school by the time I can manage to get my license to teach there. If Lazy Bitch is any indication of the direction things are headed, I'm guessing no. And that sucks even worse.

In case I haven't mentioned...

2009-09-21T00:27:00.008-04:00

I'm a HUGE NY Giant's fan. I'm talking major crazy, out-of-my-mind, scream-your-face-off, rabid fan. I even own season tickets (well not exactly "own", yet, but that's a long story that its just too late to tell) and I'm laying out a sick amount of cash for the right to keep those tickets when the new stadium opens. Plus, in March, we went on the "Cruise with the Champions" -- which was just a regular cruise to the Bahamas with the addition of some Giants' players and some private events where you get to meet said players (it rocked!!!! except for the motion sickness part -- that was so not cool).

So, there we are, enjoying a cruise to the Bahamas while our friends are freezing back home and who should we meet, and save from what appeared to be an overzealous fan trapping him in a corner so he, the psycho fan, could drone on and on about this game or that game or whateverthefuck he was rambling about? Well. . . we met all the guys on the trip (including possible Hall of Famer Otis Anderson), but the one in the pic (for you non-fans out there) is none other than Lawrence Tynes, the kicker for Big Blue. Who once again proved his worth tonight when he kicked not one, but TWO, field goals in the last few seconds of the game for the WIN!!!!! Over those America's-team-my-ass, Dallas Cow~~girls~~boys.

Now, this is the only picture of me with any of the players -- although I did technically meet them all. Like I said, I'm rabid, but I'm not a hanger-on or stalker so much. The DH, however, who is usually pretty quiet, well, he out of nowhere gained some amazing fame-whoring skills on this trip. I think we have pictures of him with every single player and ex-player there. It was remarkable. We even ended up bowling with OA and one night, after I'd gone to bed, he actually caught up with Steve Smith & Domenick Hixon in one of the bars on the ship and ended up doing tequila shots half the night. I couldn't believe it. Here's a guy who doesn't even like to call to order take out, chit chattin with the pros. And, excuse me, but WTF -- he couldn't wake my ass up to do tequila shots with the pros? I like pros. I can handle tequila (usually). I mean, sure, I'd have been pissed at first, but as soon as he said "shots with the players", I'd have been up outta bed, dressed and ready to go in minutes.

Anyway -- Shit. I guess I forgot my initial point. Then again, maybe there never was one. I did have quite a few Redbridges while watching the game. And there was much screaming and jumping around so I'm pretty beat. I guess I'll just leave it with this...

COWBOYS SUCK! GIANTS RULE! Na na na na na.

P.S. I should add that I came really close to scrapping this post because the picture of me is just terrible (can you say double chin?), but I like to think I'm bigger than caring-about-outside-appearances bullshit (and for the most part I am, with people other than myself that is) so I let it ride. Plus, HEL. LO. It's not like anyone would believe me if I said I met Tynes and didn't have a picture to back it up. That and this picture was taken 6 months and about 16 pounds ago, so there's that.

P.P.S. Note to the hanger-on we saved Tynes from -- the Giants players are not going to be your best buds now simply because you were on the same ship and saw each other in your swim trunks. They aren't even going to remember your name, just like I'm sure they don't remember mine. Although it's possible Smith & Hixon remember the night of tequila shots with the guy from Jersey. But you'd have to ask them.

TEN QUESTION INTERVIEW . . . consider yourself tagged.

2009-09-15T23:25:00.004-04:00

1. Who Is The Hottest Movie Star? If I have to pick just one...Brad Pitt. Hands down. But there's also George Clooney. And Ryan Reynolds (especially playing the "bad boy" in adventureland). And Matthew Fox (of Lost & Party of Five fame). And Denzel. And Taye Diggs. And back in the day, Patrick Swayze (R.I.P.) I could go on and on... All different kinds of hot. All equally yummy.

2. Apart From Your House and Your Car, What's the Most Expensive Item You've Ever Bought? A couple of years ago, we bought a cabin -- an investment/vacation property -- in a lake community in the Poconos. But since that's technically a house, I'm not counting it. I'm only bringing it up because it was that purchase that led to my biggest non-real estate/non-automobile purchase... namely a bright, shiny red Old Town canoe.

3. What's Your Most Treasured Memory? My memory's for shit, but there are a few choice moments...such as my baby sister's kindergarten graduation. And my own, from law school, some 15 years later.

4. What Was the Best Gift You Ever Received As a Child? To be honest, I don't really remember. But I do remember being crazy excited when my mom got me a pair of Asiacs Tiger gymnastics shoes.

5. What's the Biggest Mistake You've Ever Made? There are very few things I've done in my life that I consider "mistakes"; I'm much more likely to see mistakes in, and have regrets about, the things I haven't done. That said, there is one thing I did, back in early 90s, which I realized almost immediately afterward was a huge fucking mistake. Basically, I did something very very stupid, while very very drunk. Which I'd rather not retell for all the world to read about (not to worry, it wasn't drunk driving and no one was hurt, at least not physically).

6. Four Words to Describe Yourself. Intelligent. Easy-going. Fun-loving. Liberal.

7. What Was Your Highlight or Lowlight of 2008? Last year passed in a bit of a blur, but the best thing by far was my trip to Greece. 17 days, whirlwind trip. When it was time to go home, I wished I'd had another 17 days.

8. Favorite Film? This is a tough one -- I've got a lot of "favorites." Two of them are Garden State...

and The Breakfast Club.

9. Tell Me One Thing I Don't Know About You. I used to be a competitive gymnast.

10. If You Were a Comicbook/Strip or Cartoon Character, Who Would You Be? I've never been a big follower of comics, but when I was a little girl I was dying to be Wonder Woman.

Thanks to 42andstillbreathing for the tag! Now it's your turn -- just link back your answers to jerseygirlesq. Tag you're it!!!

Sleepless on Satur/Sunday

2009-09-13T02:00:00.006-04:00

Am I sharing too much if I tell you I want what Kelli O got?
I have a new book idea. That last one, while a good one, is, if I'm being honest, just a pipe dream. This new one is a little, umm, err, sexier, so to speak, and I won't be writing it so much as editing it, but, I think the research is going to be a lot of fun. It's actually a damn good idea if I do say so myself. And I've even got a title -- which I will post here as soon as its copyrighted.
I also have an idea for a reality/competition tv show. Don't suppose anyone out there in blogger land knows anyone in tv?
I'm not a Yankee hater per se, but I fucking love it when this happens.
Taking hypocrites to task never looked so fun. (Via JMG.)
Not sure how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong -- I love the woman and it could be fun. But it could also be a train wreck. Guess I'll have to watch and find out. My husband will be so happy.
I know every one knows this already (or at least the non-crazies get it), but Joe Wilson is a dick.
I can't help but wonder what the real Susan B. Anthony would think.
Goddess I fucking hate that bitch. Shut the hell up already would ya?

And now for something on the lighter side

2009-09-12T00:20:00.005-04:00

So I was catching up on bloglines and came across this from LSL:

"Oh man, I love this (not for the faint of heart.) Christians, the Apocolypse wants you to lose it's number. Srsly. (Via JMG.)"

And although today (technically yesterday) was somewhat somber, I peed my pants a little I laughed so hard. And I've only had one glass of wine. So thank you LSL and thank you to whoever came up with the letter in the first place too. Srsly.

Remembering September 11

2009-09-11T09:16:00.004-04:00

Exactly 8 years ago today, at almost this very same minute, I was sitting in a class at law school. I was 10 weeks pregnant and doing my best to pay attention to the professor despite my utter exhaustion and a touch of nausea.

My classmate, we'll call her Jen, sitting next to me, was doing an even worse job of paying attention than I was. She had her laptop with her that day and had apparently paid the school for the coveted wireless internet access (being a broke-ass student and since hard-wired service was free throughout the school, except in the classrooms, I had not opted for the service although I did have the required laptop). So there Jen sat, checking the news and whatever else. Occasionally, I would glance at her screen and it was during one of these glances I saw a picture of what appeared to be a plane sticking out of the upper floors of one of the Twin Towers. Having grown up in Jersey I could spot those buildings anywhere. My first thought was of an accident, a pilot with a heart attack perhaps, or some other unfortunate twist of fate.

Within moments a murmur arose in the classroom - Jen wasn't the only one goofing off on the internet it seemed. And moments after that I grabbed my stuff and excused myself. My brother worked in those Towers, although I couldn't remember which one, and I needed to get home and call NJ to see if there was any word (a cell phone was another 'luxury' I did without back in those days). I learned later that classes for the day were cancelled just shortly after I had left the building.

I lived less than a half-mile away and as soon as I walked in the door I turned on the TV and picked up the phone. While dialing my brother's home number, I watched as the second plane hit the second Tower. Time stopped as the phone hit the living room floor. I knew then, immediately, that this was no accident, no unfortunate twist of fate. This was a vicious act of terror and destruction. And as the tears welled in my eyes, and the off the hook tone rang through my tiny basement apartment, I hoped against hope that my little brother wasn't at work that day.

I woke my husband, who was sleeping in on his day off, and the two of us sat there blindly staring at the television, steaming cups of coffee going undrunk on the coffee table, as we tried again and again, unsuccessfully, to get through to someone, anyone, who could tell us my brother was alright. I knew phone service had been knocked out for much of the tri-state region during the last attack on the Towers several years earlier, but I had to try.

The rest of that day passed in a blur. At some point we went over to my mom's, who lived on the other side of town, having moved to VA a decade earlier from NJ, met there by my aunt, my sister, and my other brother. I don't remember where I was when the Towers fell, but I remember seeing it all on the TV and thinking that I had lost my brother for sure.

Several hours later a wave of relief washed over us all when we received a call from my sister-in-law telling us that my brother had made it out alive. It took him another 6 hours or so to get home to his family, but he was not in the buildings when they fell. He was alive. Witness to horrors many of us can scarcely imagine, but alive. And on his way home.

That day, my brother was spared. My family was spared. His sons would grow up with a father, my mother would not have to face the loss of a child, and I would not have to learn what it was like to lose a sibling. I remember feeling as though I had been touched by grace. Three months later, however, I had to live through a different loss. One that shook me to my core and, I think, changed the course of my very existence. But that, perhaps, is a story best left for another day.

Because today I remember September 11. I remember how lucky I am to still have my brother. I remember all those families that weren't as lucky as mine. I remember the bravery of the men and women who rushed into the Towers that day against all odds to save what lives they could at risk to their own. I remember the people who worked on the pile in the days and months following, many of whom today suffer terribly today as a result of that experience. And I remember that life is fleeting and so every day we should give thanks and cherish one another. I remember.

Looking Back at Summer 2009

2009-09-07T13:46:00.007-04:00

It's Labor Day today, which means just one thing -- the summer is officially OVER. O-fucking-ver. And that just sucks. I'm so not ready to say goodbye to flip-flops and sarongs just yet (not like I've had much opportunity to wear the latter). But the worst part is that it feels like summer only just began. So in the hopes of making myself think I had a longer summer than it seems, I thought I'd look back at the season and what it held. So here, in a nutshell, it is...

Memorial Day weekend: the annual "Screw the Parkway" BBQ (named in honor of the highway in our backyard and the ridiculous traffic visible on this start of the season weekend). This was our 5th year doing it, and each year it gets easier, and yet, miraculously, more elaborate. Each year we learn new tricks, notice areas for improvement (like for example, having a two-tiered start time starting next year so that the kids get the run of the place during the day, and the adults get the night) -- basically, we figure by the time we're on year 10 we'll need a bigger yard - and another bathroom. Which wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for this fucking shitty real estate market.

June:
-- Bon Jovi! at the Corzine rally: I'm not a huge Corzine supporter but there is nothing I won't deal with to get to see NJ's homegrown hottie. Of course, he only did a few songs, and the rest of the rally sucked (i mean seriously -- if you are trying to engender support, perhaps you should include speakers who don't sound like mindless morons. You want me to vote for you and yet you pick as your local campaign director some chick who can barely string 2 sentences together? Here's a hint, Mr. Corzine -- in the future you should really pre-approve ALL speeches).
-- Party for P&H: celebrating a whole bunch of major milestones (20 years together, 10 years married and 40 years on this earth for each of them). Even the rain couldn't spoil the fun on this day!
-- Weekend trip to Phili to see my cuz & my new "nephew". Since L&J have the new baby, not to mention a very rambunctious 2 y.o. little girl, it was a pretty chill weekend, but it wasn't home, so that's cool.
-- Virginia Beach with the fam: highlights include getting to see my 65 year old mom boogie boarding, the raging tan I came home with & of course, the Sun City Carnival tour (oh how I luv me some Kenny Chesney). The whole trip only lasted a few days, though, so that kinda sucked.

July:
-- concerts, concerts & more concerts. Lynyrd Skynyrd & Kidd Rock; Nickelback (and whoever the hell opened for them); and concluding with day 2 at the All Points West festival (which, blessedly, was rain free! albeit still mud-soaked: next year, I'm wearing wellies for sure).
-- my 20th high school reunion! At the same hotel where we had our senior prom. Cheesy, yes. But still a ton of fun. Coolest thing about it? Learning that a certain popular girl who seemed like such a snob in high school was actually totally shy and worried that everyone would think she was snob because she was so focused on her sport that she didn't really hang out much.
-- wish I had more to add here, but what can I say, July sucked. (mostly thanks to the shitty hours I had to put in at work).

August:
-- Weekend in Seaside: this was supposed to include a half-day at "surf camp" but thanks to having to work late coupled with shitty traffic, I didn't get to the beach until almost 11PM and then ended up oversleeping the next morning. We probably should have gone right to bed after I arrived, but what kind of fun is that? The DH was able to get a Seaside Tony, though, and we stopped for steamers on the way home so the whole weekend wasn't a bust.
-- The Great Urban Race NYC: on the hottest day the City had seen all fucking summer long. Perhaps wearing all black was a mistake. But damn it was fun!!! So much so, that we're heading to Phili in September to do it again.
-- Recruiting trip to UVA: had to miss my nephew's first ever Giants game (preseason) for this, but I figured I could use the brownie points at work. Besides, I got to hang out with the fam on the firm's tab.
-- S&J's in the rain: A BBQ 2 years in the making, S&J have decided to host a BBQ whenever there is a drought because every time they decide to host one it fucking rains anyway. Even with the rain, though, it was a fun party with great food (including my own GF coconut cupcakes which were gone in like 5 minutes -- and no one even knew they were GF) and great friends. Plus, I learned that I was going to be an auntie again (congrats J&T)!!
-- hiking & canoeing in Ithaca: I actually was supposed to be in Ithaca over this weekend and through mid-week; HOWEVER, thanks to my shitty ass job, I had to change the plans and travel to the region last week. It is a really pretty part of NY state, and if you like hiking at all, or like waterfalls, then I highly recommend it. But don't waste your time going to Moosewood -- maybe we just had a bad experience, but after bad service and mediocre food, the uber-famous vegetarian restaurant (and purveyor of fine cook books) now has the title of most over-rated restaurant I've ever had the displeasure of eating at.

That's it -- the whole shebang. And the one glaring problem (to me anyway)? Not nearly enough beach days. Especially considering that the beach is only an hour from my house. Gonna have to do something about that next summer. At least I'll be seeing quite a bit of it over the winter...

Now bring on the fall, and all the awesome shoes & boots that come along with it. ;)

Random Late Night Bullshit...

2009-07-29T00:56:00.003-04:00

So I'm up too late, not for the first time, and I came across this random website. At first, I was just gonna post it on facebook, because, quite honestly, with that whole "share on facebook" dealy u can put in your browser toolbox, posting to facebook is easy, but then I thought, eh, fuck it, I've been all too serious here for all too long. And it was time for a little silliness. So here it is for your viewing pleasure: Drunk Yoga.

I just have a few small caveats....
1. I take no responsibility for the 'official' yoga terms used on the linked site. I do yoga. And I love yoga. But at my studio there are English words for the poses (so, for example, the "ananda balasana" pose on the linked site is "happy baby" pose at my studio) and the rest of the time I really have no idea what the instructors are saying. I know the shapes, not the words. For all I know the names used on the linked site are all bunks..., except for the Pigeon pose -- that shit kicks my ass every class. And it isn't sanscrit so I can understand that shit. And...
2. on the off chance that any random yoga-obsessed folks should come across this site, please don't bother to tell me how offended you are that someone should dare make fun of yoga. Its just yoga, not world peace. Get over yourself.

No future in dance?

2009-07-23T22:55:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had someone tell you that something you wanted to do, something you were passionate about, was a waste of time? And not had anyone to tell you different? Not had a single soul to tell you that nothing is a waste of time if your heart is in it? So that you were left with no real choice but to believe the line of crap being fed to you? No? Well, I have. And let me tell you...that shit sticks with you. It's not something you're likely to forget. Ever. Even if at the time you brush it off; even if you think you've managed to let it go, forget it, get over it, get past it. You can bury that shit far in the recesses of your mind but someday it will come back to you. I guarantee it.

You see, in what feels like an eon ago, when I was but a wee little thing in 11th grade, I had this "guidance counselor." I don't remember her name but I do know that her job was to help me find my way in the world. And I don't know what she had to do to get her job, but whatever it was, it wasn't nearly enough. Because this woman, this supposed authority on what's good for young people, this alleged guide for a great number of very impressionable young people, had the audacity to intentionally distract me from something I was actually quite good at. Something I wasn't just good at but something that I loved. Something that gave me joy. And was a bright light in what was otherwise a sometimes very difficult adolescence. Something that was as much a part of me as my big ass mouth and my blond, never-dyed hair.

I distinctly remember when I had my big official meeting with her -- that meeting in the beginning of 11th grade where you go see your guidance counselor and discuss your future. I showed up at her office at the allotted time. We reviewed my grades. My extracurriculars. She asked me what my parents did for a living (I still don't know why the fuck that should matter) and what my plans were for the future.

I was 16 so of course to me the future didn't extend much farther than the next couple of weekends. But realizing I wasn't there to talk about which party I would be attending the following weekend or who I was hoping to hook up with at that party, but also not realizing that she wasn't really all that interested in my future and was just looking for me to say "I want to go to an Ivy League school" so she could check me off her little list (because if she really cared I can't imagine why she would have said what she did), I was honest. I told her the truth -- I wanted to be a dancer. Or do something involving dance. Sure I wasn't clear, but so what? I had a general idea right?

And do you know what that fucking bitch said in response? Well, she didn't say, "hey, good for you, you're only 16 and you know what you want"; she didn't say, "congratulations, you've managed to find something you love." NO. What she said was:

THERE IS NO FUTURE IN DANCE.

No future in dance? Really? None?

Not "wow, really? that's a going to be a tough road, it's really competitive, it won't be easy, have you really thought about that?" No.

Not, "dancing, huh? why dancing? what kind of dancing? are you going to go to college for it? Or just move to NY and start auditioning?" No.

Not even "Hmmm, that's interesting. What else?" No.

NO.

All she said was, THERE IS NO FUTURE IN DANCE.

And the really fucked up part is....I believed her. I didn't even question her opinion. And all these years later I want to kick myself for that even more than I want beat the shit out of her.

Sure, I could have ignored her, I could have told her she didn't know what the hell she was talking about. But I was only 16. What the fuck did I know? She was my fucking guidance counselor. for fuck's sake. All I knew was that I loved my dance classes. And there wasn't anyone else to tell me she was an idiot. So I listened. And while I kept dancing (and still do), the idea of dancing for a living slipped from my mind like one of those amazing dreams that you can't remember 5 minutes after waking up.

From that point forward I started wondering what I would do with my life. What it was that I could claim as my own. The problem was, that although I was really good at quite a number of subjects, really, whatever I set my mind to (what can I say, I'm a smart chick), nothing I did, no classes I took, moved me the way dance did. Nothing came even close. And so I floundered.

I eventually went to college -- changing both my major (once) and my actual college (twice). Hell, it took me 7 years to get a 4 year degree. In a subject that turned out to be even more useless than dance. Granted, I made some great friends at those schools (some of whom may even read this entry), friends I wouldn't have met if I hadn't been to those schools, but still. I never really felt like I'd found the right path. I even eventually went to law school, but even that was a fluke, not something I had actually chosen for myself.

And so here I am, 20-plus years later, finding myself in a career that I don't particularly enjoy and which recently is sucking the very life out of me. And all I can think is, what if?

What if I ignored that stupid bitch? What if there had been just one person to tell me that she didn't know what the hell she was talking about? I wonder what might have happened had I just went ahead and moved to New York and started auditioning. Or even, if I just lived at home and went into the city for auditions (I am only 12 miles away after all). Or even, what if I majored in dance instead of business (my first major) or anthropology (the second one)? Would I be as dissatisfied with my life as I am now?

I obviously can't answer those questions, but my guess is that maybe, just maybe, I might have found myself in a place that felt more "right." That felt more "me." So much so that I've started thinking about a mid-life career change. Started wondering what I could do with dance at this point in my life. It's probably a little too late to get into the whole audition scene, but there are tons of options. No future in dance? Bullshit. I've managed to come up with a few decent ideas just in the last couple of months.

And do you know what happened when I told some friends about these ideas? It's probably not what you think. Because friends are supposed to be supportive, right? Yeah, well, apparently not these particular friends.

It was like 11th grade all over again. When I told a couple friends about one idea (teaching dance in public schools -- no up front investment, summers off, and I get to dance for a living, hello)...can you guess what they said?

It wasn't "wow, what a great idea, I know you've been unhappy and it's so cool you've found something you're so interested in."

It wasn't "cool, a teacher, huh? Teachers rock!"

It wasn't even, "really, are you sure? there aren't that many dance teacher jobs out there."

NO.

What I got was "Dance is a hobby, not a job. If you're going to leave the law you need to get a real job."

A real job? WHAT. THE. FUCK?

Am I crazy? Am I missing something? Is it really that crazy to want to make a life from dancing? Really? Because it seems to me that there are more options for dancers today than there ever were (umm, hello, Katie fucking Holmes was singing on SYTYCD tonight...I bet no one ever told her the arts were a waste of time). And so the fuck what if it's hard, or competitive, or whatever? If it makes me happy, shouldn't that be enough?

Luckily, I'm not that impressionable young 16 year old anymore so I can ignore the bullshit. But I still wish I didn't have to. I still wish someone, anyone, would say, "dance, huh? that's awesome. good for you. don't forget to invite me to your first show." I really don't think that's too much to ask.

But hey, if people don't want to support me, fuck 'em. Because I know there is a future in dance. I just need to find MY future. And then rub it in all of their faces.

These people again?!

2009-07-17T13:39:00.004-04:00

Several years ago, I wrote that the families of the victims of the 9-11 attacks needed to shut the hell up and just let them build the new Freedom Tower or whateverthefuck it is called where the Twin Towers once stood. A friend called the piece "provacative," and it was. Because while most people lent the "9-11 Families" a sympathetic ear, I wasn't having it. I couldn't stand the selfishness and utter disregard for the rest of humanity that these people exhibited. The 'oh poor me, my family member died so now I should be treated special' attitude they all seemed to exude.

Well now it looks like these people are at it again. This time around they think that because they lost family members during the attacks on 9-11 that Obama should reverse his decision to close Guantanamo. That shady place where people disappear to and where completely innocent people have been known to rot for years without contact with the outside world.

Why? Because, oh poor fucking them, they're the only ones who matter, didn't you know? They're the only ones who have experienced pain, who are angry, who want justice. Because they think that closing Guantanamo means the people who orchestrated the attacks won't get their just desserts. Well fuck them. I am so sick of these people and their constant poor me bullshit. One lady even went so far as to say, "I don't think there is one family member of a victim or the family of a victim who wants the commissions changed in any way."

Really? Not one? Are you sure there sweetheart? Because guess the fuck what? My brother was in the Towers that day too and maybe he didn't die but he was as much a victim of those attacks as those who didn't make it out. He moved to another state to try to avoid the memories; the nightmares; the City. And here I am, his family member,** and I say close the fucking place down. Close it. NOW. Not to mention, that of the thousands of people who lost relatives that fateful day, I'm guessing there is at least one who would join me in wanting to see that black mark upon our country's reputation gone for good.

Besides, your excuses for keeping the place open are total bullshit. This country was perfectly capable of trying, convicting and punishing terrorists (hello, can you say Timothy McVeigh) long before there was a fucking Guantanamo. Long before Mr. Bush the Second made this country hated by the people of the world. Before we went from freedom-lovers to torturers. So don't give me the old "we want justice" song and dance, because that is not what you are really after. Not if you think the military commissions are "too fair". Not if you think that human beings should treat other human beings the way the human beings at Guantanamo have been treated. What you fucking people want is not justice. It's vengeance. And perhaps media attention. You're not entitled to either. And I'm really quite sick of you all these many years later.

So shut the fuck up already. And let them tear it down.

** Point of clarity: back in '05 I said I did not count myself among the "families of the victims" because I did not have a family member die in the attacks. Well, four years later, I've realized I was outright wrong. You don't need to die to be a victim of a crime; everyone in and around those Towers that day was a victim. So technically I am a family member of a victim.

Flirting with Disaster

2009-07-10T16:13:00.004-04:00

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you totally didn't want to be and yet you weren't really sure how to get somewhere else and so there you were, lost, basically, hoping someone would come along and push you in the right direction? That is my life right about now. Lost. And in need of a push.

If you've been to visit here in the last few months, you have surely noticed that the law has lost its glamour for me and that I am floundering in a place of uncertainty, trying to figure out what the hell to do with the rest of my life. I've a ton of ideas, but one which I keep coming back to involves dance. And one way to make a living with dance is to teach it. Sure I could open a studio, but that scares the shit out of me (and requires a ton of money upfront anyway). So I thought, hmm, what about teaching in public school? I could be happy as a dance teacher. Because not only do I love dance, I'm stone cold jealous of teachers with their regular schedules and their summers off. Straight up, no bullshit, hard core jealous. And yeah, teachers make shit money, but not a little as you might think, considering they are home by 4pm and have summers off. Especially not here in NJ. Sure $50Gs a year won't make you rich but you ain't starvin' neither. So, I figured I get licensed, I line up a job, bang, I'm outta here.

Which led to me spending the better part of today researching what it would take to become licensed to teach in NJ. As turns out, if I want to teach Social Studies -- very little, thanks to my fancy-schmancy anthro degree, but if I want to teach anything else -- like dance -- I'd have to take a bunch of college classes...upwards of 30 credits worth. So I thought, hey, no biggie, I can take some classes. I like dance classes. I can make it work. I'll give up a yoga night. Or come in late a couple mornings ort whatever. And then I thought, oh fuck, the best I can do while still working is one class a semester -- and if I need 10 classes, that's 5 freaking years. And I thought, oh hell no. And so I stopped looking because I can't stay here, lost, for five years.

And then, last-minute-Charlie (one of my many bosses) sent me an email telling me he needed xyz done by Monday morning. Luckily, its the weekend of my high school reunion so I had an excuse to get off the hook, this weekend, but I know he will fuck up my next weekend and the one after that and the one after that. Cause god forbid he should consider that maybe, just maybe, I might have a fucking life worth living. Or, god forbid, he should assign the fucking work when he finds out about it instead of waiting until the last fucking minute. the mother fucker. Last time I had to work with this guy, I didn't have a day off for 33 days, and that was just last month. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but that probably wouldn't be good for me so I said sure, I can work my face off all next week and for the rest of my natural born life until I have another acceptable excuse to run away. So you see, I definitely do not have 5 years to give.

And then, just a moment ago, I read about even more layoffs in the legal world (30 senior associates, like myself, let go from one of the nation's most prestigious law firms). And I thought, god I wish they'd lay me off.

Yes, I actually wished to be laid off.

Because as financially devastating as that would be, I know it would also be completely liberating. It would, for sure, be the push I seem to need to get the fuck out of this indecisive place.

Yes, hoping to get laid off seems counter intuitive and a bit nuts, but what are my other options really? Sure, I could go to some other shitty law job but what's the point? I'd take another job and a salary cut to go along with it and end up just as miserable but without the advantage of being able to escape to the islands a couple times a year. So, maybe like pulling off a band aid, a swift kick in the pants right out the damn door is what I need. And without a job, I could get my 30 credits in one single year. Granted, unemployment would barely cover my mortgage, but I'd get at least a few months of severance first, and I do have a little bit of savings, so I'd be OK for a bit. Scared as hell, I'm sure, but not starving.

So yeah, I'm flirting with what would likely be a total disaster, for a little while at least, but really, what's the point of money if you are too damn depressed to spend it? Or worse, if you aren't even allowed out of the office long enough to spend it? And what's the point of life if you don't get to live it? So please, bring on the layoff.

PS - my prayers will not likely be answered. Unfortunately my firm is financially sound (unless they're totally lying to us). Best I could do would be to get "asked to resign" - but you don't get severance for that. Ergo, still damn stuck.

Danger Approaches

2009-07-02T12:44:00.004-04:00

I generally avoid fast food. Not only am I 'allergic' to most of it (cause really - what's the point of a big mac without the sesame seed bun?), but I am well aware that it is total crap and completely unhealthy. Much of it only barely qualifies as food even.

But, I do have a few weaknesses, which until lately, have been limited to my southbound trips. There are the burgers at Five Guys, which I ALWAYS get when I visit the fam in VA. If you haven't had one of these tasty suckers, well, then don't. Because they're addicting. Granted I get mine without the bun, so my view may be skewed - but I'll tell you -- a tastier fast food burger I've not had anywhere. And they're slightly less bad for you than McD's or BK, so I don't feel guilty indulging a few times a year.

And then there are slushes from Sonic. Ice cold, frosty & devoid of any nutritionally redeeming qualities whatsoever (frozen sugar water is what they are I believe), Sonic slushes are my kryptonite. Blue coconut is my favorite. It doesn't actually taste like coconut, so I'm not sure why it's called that, but whatev - it's fucking tasty as hell. And hello, they stay frozen for-like-ever!! It's probably the 2 inch thick earth-crushing stryofoam cups they come in, but I'm not convinced there isn't some secret chemical who-the-fuck-knows-what that does it. Yet as yummy as these delightful treats are, I only ever get them when driving to (and, if I'm being honest, from) the Eastern Shore (VA) or OBX (NC). Or a couple times when visiting a friend in SC, cause she has a Sonic addiction and I didn't want her to have to drink alone.

Mind you, the ability to limit my intake of these completely unhealthy "food" choices is not a matter of will -- I wish -- it's a matter of there not being these particular fast food joints where I live. It's has been a great blessing to me. But now danger approaches. And it has reached practically to my door step.

In the very next town, Five Guys is setting up shop. There are other Five Guys in NJ, but not right next door. WTF? Til now I've been able to avoid them entirely (except, like I said, when in VA). But they've gotta open in the town where I do the majority of my drinking? I am so screwed. Let's just hope they close really really early cause me + a couple of Redbridges means Five Guys will be making some mad money off of me.

But that's not all - it actually gets worse, because at least Five Guys isn't next door to the bar or on the way there or whatever -- I will have to make a special trip 'across town' (yeah, like 1 1/2 miles) for a burger. What I will not have to make a special trip for are slushes. Oh fuck. Cause you see, on the way to the fucking MALL of all places, they're putting up a Sonic. Lord have mercy I am going to be in so much trouble. Cause you know sure as hell I won't be giving up going to the mall (hel. lo. jersey girl here. malls are like my mecca). And I don't what-the-fuck they put in those slushes but they're like crack. One taste and you are fucking hooked (or so I'm told about crack). And, while Five Guys food has at least some nutrients -- I always get grilled veggies on my burger for example -- slushes, on the other hand, can you say empty calories? I already hate going to the gym and now I'm going to have to go even more.

Shit shit shit shit. What next? Starbucks is going to start carrying gluten free baked goods? Fuck me.

Have you lost weight?

2009-06-19T11:15:00.003-04:00

I've been getting this question a lot lately. It's usually followed with 'cause you look good' (which I suppose is better than 'cause you look sickly'). And my response is always the same...thanks but no; at least not according to the scale.

Now, normally the question wouldn't bother me. It's almost like a compliment, right? 'Cause I look good, right? Except that hidden behind the question lurks the ugly little suggestion that I didn't look good before; that I was, dare I say it, FAT and in need of losing weight. Before (cause now I "look good"). I know that's not really true (although I am still shedding my winter 'coat' so maybe its a little true) or at least I don't think the people asking me the question really care about my weight but in this weird transitional place I'm finding myself lately, the question just didn't sit right with me this time. And its not like I was gonna go off on a friend for asking what normally would be an innocuous question so here I rant.

Maybe its cause I'm pms'ing. Or maybe I'm hypersensitive about my weight (I am a girl after all and I do live in one of the most superficial places on the planet). Or maybe I'm just having a funky week. I am seriously sleep deprived, so that could be a part of it too. Or maybe my star sign is in the house of 'damn people are annoying'. Who the hell knows.

But enough about me . . . have you lost weight? Cause you look good.

Top Ten Reasons Why Writing is Hard

2009-06-09T23:50:00.005-04:00

A lil' while back I yammered on about this book my colleague & I were going to write. Sounded like a great idea at the time, right? Of course, since then, we've accomplished nothing. Not a damn thing. Not together and not apart (or at least I haven't accomplished anything myself; and I'm pretty sure she hasn't either). That whole "once a week at lunch" idea? Fantastic in theory; impossible in reality. It's not that we don't want to; that we've changed our minds; or won the lottery or anything. No. It's just been really really hard finding the time and drive to make it happen. And here's why:

10. There's this little thing called A Job. Mine requires me to work ridiculous hours with very little downtime. At least that's its torment of the moment.
9. Sleep is golden. And there never seems to be enough of it.
8. I'd rather be dancing.
7. Or day dreaming.
6. It's rained more days than not for the last month and weather like that is hardly a motivator.
5. Facebook. 'nuf said.
4. Did I mention sleep?
3. There is no right way to write a book. And I like to be right.
2. It's hard enough to come up with ten reasons why its hard.
1. If it was easy, everybody'd do it. And then it wouldn't pay. So what would be the point.

So this is what exhausted feels like

2009-06-06T10:25:00.003-04:00

Today is the 19th day in a row that I've had to work. And, even if I magically get next weekend off, I've got to work tomorrow and all week, so it will be 26 days in a row before I'm done. And the chances of actually getting off next weekend are basically slim to none, so add another weekend, plus the standard work week to the total, and I'm looking at 33 days without a fucking day off. I'm already at my limit -- and have no idea where the energy is going to come from to get through the next 14 days. No idea whatsoever.

This should be fucking illegal. No wonder lawyers are a bunch of suicide prone, alcoholic drug addicts.

Dancing to the Music in Your head

2009-06-02T23:00:00.006-04:00

Most people hear music in their heads. A song comes on, they can feel it, so to speak. They remember the tune; they know all the words; maybe even they see the video in their mind's eye. And of course, everyone is familiar with that desperate moment when you get some god-awful song stuck in your brain You know the one -- that song that you wouldn't admit listening to is suddenly repeating itself over and over and over and over and over and, well, you get my point.

Or maybe not.

My point , you see, [oh, and on a total tangent, I just watched the most obnoxiously smug commercial -- 'don't be so vanilla' some 7 year old quips; why the fuck does a 7 year old know what the hell that even means?]...oh, right, my point...

My point is that while some people hear music in their heads, I don't. Well, I mean, I do. But I don't just hear the music. I also SEE dancing. Or rather, its like I FEEL dancing. I choreograph. In my head. To everything. Almost all the time. And what is really crazy is that I can almost feel the movement coursing through my body. Even though I'm usually on a train or subway or some other public place where it would not be exactly appropriate to break out into dance. Maybe it's some weird psycho thing I've created in my mind, but I think breaking into song would be looked upon less strangely than breaking out into dance. Not to mention that you can sing no matter what you're wearing. Try dancing in a suit with 3 and a half inch heels, and things could get ugly.

But yeah, I dance in my head. ALL. THE. TIME. On the subway. In line at the grocery store. At my desk. Ev. ry. where. Always. If there's music on, you can bet I've got a number going on in my mind. Hell, the other night, at the post-last call cocktail at my place, I started actually randomly dancing. And not like oh I'm at a party, dancing. Lyrical dancing. Mia Michaels type shit. My friends, and the DH, all thought I was totally nuts. But regardless, the dancing never stops.

And I think I know why. Up until the last, say, 5 years, give or take a couple of year, I was a rabid club goer. I wasn't there for the X, or the potential hook-ups like some folks I know, I was there to dance. In fact, for as long as I can remember, I've always tried to get my friends to go out dancing with me. And it has always been depressing how few of them would ever actually go. Oh, they'd show up at the club but then just stand at the bar and refuse to dance, leaving me to dance alone (hello, if I wanted to go dance by myself at some random club I wouldn't have asked you to go with me) or not at all. A few years back, the few who said yes was depressing, but now no one EVER wants to go dancing. No one. Never. And it fucking sucks.

Plus, thanks to the new job and the crazy fucked up hours associated with it, I've not been able to take this dance class I used to take every Monday night.

And then, there's this little part of me that thinks maybe it's more than just missed classes and a club-free existence. Maybe I see dance in my head where others hear music because, simply, I feel most alive when I'm dancing. Maybe, just maybe, like George Balanchine once said, I HAVE to dance. I know that sounds, like, wow, coming from someone pushing 40 who is not a professional dancer and I realize its probably too late for me to become some star dancer, but maybe I could still become some hotshot choreographer. Or even just a great dance teacher. Maybe.

Of course any of these choices, or paths, would require leaving my job and taking some ginormous risks. Which I believe I made quite clear in my last post, I am nowhere near ready to take. But, perhaps the winds of change will sweep in faster than I can see. For they are definitely starting to blow.

For now, however, me and my Dior bag will have to keep dancing inside and maybe make some new friends to go clubbing with until I can figure the rest out.

Happiness is a Dior habdbag

2009-05-29T10:48:00.003-04:00

Two months ago I was forced to transfer from my laid back easy going NJ-based office to the workaholic land of my firm's NYC office. Well maybe not technically forced -- I did have a choice: transfer to NYC or get laid off. So, not technically forced but practically.

Anyway, since the transfer, my life has been an unpredictable mess -- some days I've wanted to pull my own hair out as a result of overpowering boredom. Other days I've wanted to cry from the sheer exhaustion caused by 16 hour days. And then there are the days that I get to revel in the glow cast by my uber-famous (at least in the legal world) champion of liberal causes boss. On those days, the exhaustion recedes and the light shines, if only for a brief moment.

Not that it's all that bad or anything. I've actually been quite lucky. I'm ridiculously well paid. The people I work with are pretty damn decent and the people I work for don't suck. So I've got it better than most (professionally speaking at least). But, having had to give up my last two weekends (or at least part of them) and expecting to give up part of the upcoming weekend, at the whim of some amorphous 'client,' not to mention not expecting to see the light of day for a couple of weeks, has gotten me thinking that perhaps its time for a change and I don't mean a 'ooh I'll go to another firm' change; I mean a maybe its time to get the hell out of the law game altogether kind of change.

The lightening quick passage of time isn't helping. Just yesterday I was a bright-eyed eager law student, ignorant of the realities incumbent upon my law school attendance and later legal career. Blink your eyes and BAM! I'm pushing 40 and wondering if maybe I made the wrong decision all those years ago. So, yeah, it may be time to make some hard choices. And the prospect is scary as hell. Mostly because, quite honestly, I've grown accustomed to my standard of living.

I know money isn't everything, and in the "big picture" means very little, but there's something to be said for financial stability -- I spent the better part of my life without it so I know what I'm talking about. Fuck. Everyone knows struggling sucks. Its comforting not having to worry how the mortgage will get paid. It's nice being able to go on vacation every year. Money may not buy happiness but it'll buy you a fucking hot ass Dior bag to make you forget your troubles.

So... Change. Choices. Easier said than done. For now, me and my Dior bag will be staying put.

The EAS Strikes Again

2009-05-28T02:15:00.004-04:00

I can't fucking believe it. It wasn't enough that the goddamn EAS (thanks ot Adam for the nomenclature correction) interrupted Idol. Now I'm now stuck working all kinds of fucking late. I've got Bride Wars on in the background to keep from totally losing my mind and wanting to cry. And what the fucks happens? Not once, but so far three fucking times? The motherfuckinggoddamn EAS has to go and interrupt me. And I'm watching the fucking movie on OnDemand. So it isn't even regular TV that's getting interrupted now. It's a fucking move I fucking am paying for.

AND -- it isn't even a missing kid this time. NO. Its just a test. A motherfucking test. A test that has interrupted me two additional times even since I started typing this very short rant. That's at least 5 times so far. AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Somebody kill me now.

Idolinterruptis

2009-05-22T23:45:00.003-04:00

Dear Emergency Broadcast System:

The other night, while watching American fucking Idol (on a one hour dvr delay), you rudely interrupted me no less than 15 times (my FB friends may have seen my live rants). Each time you would stop my dvr and switch to the TV guide channel for an announcement about a missing kid.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've nothing against announcements about missing kids generally, but in this particular case, let's just say I was not the happy-go-lucky girl I should have been to watch the much-hyped Adam Lambert fall to cutey little Kris Allan. And here's why:

First: ummm, hello. I don't give a flying fuck what the goddamn emergency is, there is no excuse for telling me about it every 5-7 minutes. Did you not realize its the fucking AI finale? Do you live under a rock? I realize a lot of us 'mericans are a bunch of fucking moe rons (I've complained about it myself) but come on. No one is that dumb. Once is enough. I'd even give you a couple reminders. But 15 times?

Second: it don't matter how many times you play the fucking announcement cause it told me nothing other than that the state police had issued a state of emergency until 2am for about five NJ counties because of a missing kid. That's it. No gender. No 'last seen'. No nothing. What the fuck? Talk about dumb.

Third: I don't fucking live in any of the affected counties. Hell, they aren't even in my fucking part of the state for pete's sake (btw, who the fuck is pete?). So, technically, as far as my life was concerned... no goddamnmotherfucking emergency. Ergo, no need for interruption after interruption. Come on EBS - I have to believe the technology exists to target people better than that.

Fourth: even if I lived in one of the counties...why the fuck are you telling me (and the rest of the at home tv watching public) anything? What the fuck am I supposed to do sitting at home in my pjs? Hmmm? Go out searching? Even if I knew what the kid looked like or was wearing or where s/he was missing from or how s/he went missing (which you idiotically forgot to mention despite having like 15 tries at it), what the fuck good is me knowing that doing for this kid? I mean obviously, if I see a kid wandering about lost I can help without a useless tv announcement about it. Then again, I'm in my fucking pajamas so its not like I'll be goin' anywhere I'm apt to run into missing kids.

Fifth (yeah, that's right, there's more): why on earth did you keep changing the start and end times for the 'state of emergency'. From 9pm-2am to 10pm-3am to, finally, 11something-12:11am. Why is that? Was the kid less missing? More found? What? There must have been some reason, right? (Ok maybe the state police did it, but still, you are responsible for your own broadcasts, no?) Which leads me to...

Sixth: why the fuck, if the emergency is over, would you keep on issuing the fucking announcement? Sure, AI was over (although I did not enjoy it as much as I normally would have) but at this point you were interrupting me watching the dvr'd pilot of Glee. I was not amused. Nor was I in the slightest bit gleeful (although that show rocked!). Or...if you were going to interrupt regularly scheduled broadcasting (and apparently dvr viewers as well - wtf is that about?), you could at least have changed the fucking end time from 12:11 to something later. Cause it was well after that time the last time you fucking interrupted me.

And, after all of that - I still don't know what the fuck the whole thing was about. For all I know some drug-addled-excuse-for-a-mother woke up from some hazy place, couldn't find her usually neglected children and called the cops to report them missing, forgetting, of course, that in her stupor she'd asked her sister to take them for the night.

Needless to say, EBS, I am way pissed at you. So don't call me again, m'kay?

Color me unsurprised morons

2009-05-14T10:27:00.006-04:00

From today's NJ Law Journal Daily Briefing:
The law firm revolution is not upon us. So say 208 law firm leaders in response to an Altman Weil survey conducted in March and April. "Law firms are not doing anything dramatic and are not planning to do anything dramatic," says an Altman Weil consultant and co-author of the survey, which was distributed to 687 firms with 50 or more lawyers, asking how firms are dealing with strategy, growth, pricing, staffing and business development in light of the current economy. However, 38 percent of firms with 500 to 999 lawyers say it is likely or possible that they will cut additional equity partners in 2009.

All I have to say is, no fucking shit sherlock. Law firms aren't changing as a result of the economy? Gee. I never woulda guessed that. Who decided on this stupid ass survey I wonder? And how much did they spend on it? TO find out what everyone in the legal world already knows -- law firms are what they are and they aren't changing anytime soon. Why? Because they are fucking money making machines, that's why. Would you change if you were making millions upon millions upon millions of dollars each year, hell no you wouldn't. NO revolution for you my friend.

Of course, I've been billing around the clock for the last 6 days straight (see what I mean -- money makin', money money makin') and haven't seen the light of day so I haven't really had much time to think about potential revolutions in the legal market (or anything really, other than the never-ending pile of shit to do on my desk). Although now that I am thinking about it, if there ever is change, perhaps beefing up case coverage should be among the changes so that, oh I don't know, I could fucking go home before 1 o'clock in the motherfucking morning.

I guess I really shouldn't complain -- they pay me ridiculously well, and the partner I'm working with is actually a really nice guy. And it isn't like he's piled on the work and gone home (unlike some former bosses of mine who now have their own firm with a moniker than sounds a little sleazy -- S&M anyone? and No, I'm not kidding)) -- he's been here slaving way too; at least almost as long as I have. And I have been granted a once-in-a-lifetime reprieve...despite the fact that this case is on for an evidentiary hearing (that's like a mini trial for you non-legal folks out there) on Wednesday (yes, as week from yesterday Wednesday), and that the rest of the team will not see the light of day until after the hearing, I have been excused!!! I actually get to take the next 4 days so that I can go see my baby brother graduate from UVA! (Ok, so he's not a baby, he's not even the average age of a college grad, but he's the youngest of my brothers so baby brother he is, and always will be).

BUT -- no one likes working from 7:30AM to 1:30AM no matter what they get paid and no matter how interesting the work is or whatever-the-fuck. No body. Or at least definitely not me. I like being able to see the sun. And call me crazy, but I enjoy having dinner with other people, at a table, instead of sitting at my desk and trying not to get food all over the 4000 pages of shit I need to deal with. Plus, I fucking missed American Idol AND Dancing with the Stars this week. So not cool. Then again, its always been this way. Feast or famine. Insane hours one week; extreme boredom the next. And, like I said, it changing anytime soon.

So, "the law firm revolution is not upon us"? I could have told them that.

And now, I've got to go back to my ~~office~~ cave of horrors. This little foray will cost me but it was either rant or go on a killing spree. I thought ranting would be much more appropriate. Otherwise I'd have to hire my own fucking lawyer.

Novelista in the Making

2009-05-08T16:40:00.001-04:00

So my colleague and I, both relatively fed up with the legal world and major devourers of the written word, have decided to write a book. A chick lit novel to be precise (we're both VERY familiar with the genre so it just makes sense, that and we are chicks). Which we will write under a pseudonym (we've another colleague who is a bit of a celebrity in the non-fiction world and we'd rather not have to deal with what she has to deal with).

We figure we'll spend one lunch a week work on it together and then work on it individually whenever when we can. It will probably take a while, at least a year or two we're guessing, and will eventually cut into our already meager social lives, but we figure the potential life of leisure at the end of the road (you know, after the book is published and sells a bazillion copies) is worth the lost social time (and sleep). Basically, we've got nothing to lose and we figure if we can make this happen then maybe, just maybe, we can leave law firm life behind. For good. Which would be just too cool.

We've played around with this idea now for a bit but yesterday, we cemented it and even did a little brainstorming. We've got some great ideas already and I'm pretty excited about it. You'll meet the heroine here, I'm thinking. We may even give her a facebook page. :) Granted, I don't know a damn thing about writing a novel, but I figure if this guy can write a novel on the fucking subway, on his fucking PDA, then we should be just fine.

And if I wasn't convinced enough . . . I just was given a lovely assignment which is going to basically ruin my entire weekend. Again. What the fuck is it about this place that ends up with me having nothing to do for three days and then getting slammed with work on a fucking Friday. Oh - and get this -- if i had fucking KIDS, guess what? That's right,mommies are excused from working this weekend. Don't get me wrong - good for them, I love moms, especially my own, but I want to know if there will ever be a I'm not a mom but I'm still fucking worthy of respect Day. But that's a rant best left for another day. For now, I've got to get to work and start thinking about what I'll be ordering in for dinner since I won't be meeting my friends for cocktails and appetizers this evening after all. God this sucks.

I just hope (please oh please oh please) this new venture pans out, 'cause I don't know what else I'll do when I eventually get so tired of the law game that I'd rather lose my house than come to work another day. I see that day on the horizon, for real, and I can only hope that I find an alternative before it gets here. So wish me luck, m'kay?

Island Girl?

2009-05-07T00:20:00.011-04:00

I've been listening to ALOT of (hot ass) Kenny Chesney lately. I mean alot alot. Like crazy alot. Like every album of his I own (4). At least a couple of times over alot. Like, I'm actually listening to it while writing this post alot.

No idea why...why, while commuting one morning last week, of the god knows how many artists on my iPod I landed on KC and just let it play through all his albums. And then did it again. (and again...). But that's how it started and it's been like an addiction ever since. Perhaps it was fate, or some sort of sign from the goddess or some message from the universe. I don't know.

But since that fateful morning, I've thought endlessly about moving to the islands. Or maybe the Florida keys (since you can drive there and all). Basically about moving to some place where there is a lot of sun. A lot of sand. And a laid back vibe. A no-shirt-no-shoes-no-problem kinda vibe, as Kenny might put it. Now mind you, this isn't some, oh, hippy dippy fantasy land idea of moving, a I-won't-have-to-work and I'll-just-get-to-play-all-day-on-the-beach kind of idea. One of those lottery winning dream kinda ideas. Oh no. This is way more reality based than that. Fuck. I've gone so far as looking into what it takes to join the bar of the U.S.V.I. (I'm already familiar with the Florida bar terms -- score two for the keys: no test req'd). Because what the fuck else am I gonna do, right? (which is a whole other thing I've been thinking about alot lately, but I'll leave that for another day).

Maybe it's because it's been raining for like. fucking. ever. And so now I have a vitamin D deficiency that is causing my brain to seek out the sun or some shit. Or maybe it's regret poking its ugly little head out to fuck with me (ages and ages ago I was had an opportunity to live on St. John but stupid me chose to finish college instead -- what the fuck was I thinking?). Or maybe it's just a touch of ennui. Regardless, all this Kenny Chesney listening, with all his Island Boys and girls from Boston, has left me feeling, well, not quite 100% comfortable in my own life (no, its not the swine flu). And thinking that I'd be more comfortable in a place where I didn't have to wear a jacket. Or shoes. And where I didn't need to use fake tanner because I'd have that I-live-somewhere-sunny look about me.

At first I thought, I must just need a vacation. And then I remembered, fuck, I just got home from vacation like 6 or 7 weeks ago. A sweet ass vacation too -- 7 days cruising around the Bahamas (to the left is just one of the keys we visited). And I haven't worked particularly hard since then (except for the last few days or so, before that it was snooze city). So I'm pretty sure that's not it. But I don't know why else this new fascination with island living.

So here I sit - an inescapable and sort of fuzzy idea of a totally different life floating around in my head. And I have no idea what to do about it. It's not like I could ACTUALLY move anytime soon. My house is worth shit just for starters -- I couldn't even move down the street. That and the whole, what the fuck am I going to do for a living question I was talking about before. Gotta answer that first, I think. Or maybe the two have to be decided together? I guess I could take another vacation, but I don't think that's gonna do it. At least not for the long run. I think, maybe, seriously, that I may be on to something. A (very?) long term something, perhaps. But still something. Something real. I can see it. Sort of. Or maybe I've just completely lost my mind.

In the meantime, anyone know any good realtors in the keys?

Oh, and by the way -- will someone please talk to someone about this fucking rain. I CAN. NOT. TAKE. another fucking day of it. Please. Rain is only sexy in the fucking islands.

(hat tip to D-bud for the Vitamin D reference)

An Open Letter to the Colonel

2009-04-19T22:21:00.004-04:00

I used to be quite a fan of your fried chicken, until about 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with celiac disease. The I saw the ad for your new grilled chicken and for a brief moment I was pretty damn excited. (I'm not a huge fast-fooder but sometimes a girls gotta go what a girls gotta do, right?) So there I am, watching the ad, and for that moment I actually did "unthink" what I think of KFC. But then I saw that the product unnecessarily contains wheat, and therefore gluten, and I was quickly disappointed. There are plenty of quality substitutes for the nauseating wheat-containing ingredients you use, if only you would take the time to do your homework. And I simply do not understand why you would use a known allergen in a fucking GRILLED product. Are you all a bunch of idiots? Do you not understand that you are missing out on taking money out of the pockets of as many as 3 million Americans, not to mention untold numbers of persons around the world -- many of whom would be happy as hell, jump for joy, all that shit, crazy excited over the opportunity to have a place to go for a quick chicken meal, without the worry of being fucking poisoned by gluten. Like the smiling dancing people in your ad. Hell, I would have been one of those people. And I possibly would have been so happy to able to get a dam piece of unfucked up chicken that I probably would have waited for the the slow ass motherfuckers in the my local KFC to take their sweet ass time getting me my non-poisonous chicken. And even after it had taken 37 minutes to get a bucket of grilled chicken, in a fucking fast food joint, with only 5 customers in it, I wouldn't even have been pissed, knowing I could have got faster service in a fucking diner, no. Because who gives a shit about 30 minutes when the chance to live like the average American is upon us? Nope, not mad at all -- I would have taken my yummy ass chicken and thanked the nice lady for slowing the pace of my overworked life.

But no, you had to go fuck it all up and use a fucking wheat based product on a piece of grilled meat. Guess I'll just have to keep giving my money to Chick-fil-A when I'm in a rush. If I was you, I'd figure out who the moron is behind the gluten-is-no-biggie decision, and fire 'em. The dumbass.

Catching Up

2009-04-08T12:51:00.009-04:00

I've spent the better part of the last two hours going back and reading my old posts (I'm really really bored at work) and I've come to realize one major thing -- I used to be way more funny and so much less serious. Seriously. I discovered that my earlier posts were actually about me, and not just my opinion on things happening to other people. Granted, I probably didn't need to go back through the old posts to know that, but still... I also realized that I've barely breathed a word about myself in 3 months and that is soooo not like me. Plus, its almost impossible to be funny when discussing politics or the goings on at the NJ Supreme Court or whateverthefuck. And I decided that I like my blog, and myself, better the other way. And so I started wondering....how the fuck did this metamorphose happen? Where the fuck did I go? And you know what?

I blame Obama. That's right. Obama. The President. The man I campaigned for. The man I froze my ass off for in PA weekend after weekend to get elected. That guy.

Because of him I'm actually watching the stupid news and reading the paper and paying-the-fuck-attention. I'm so attuned to what's going on in the world that that I'm listening to NPR instead of Z100 when I get ready in the morning. That I've got more bookmarks for news sites then for celebrity gossip. That I actually watch cable news (sometimes anyway). It's gotten to the point that I don't have time to tell stupid stories about my useless days. Instead, I feel the need to rant about whatever crazy shit is going on in the world because well, if I don't, then all that shit runs around my head like the fucking Jersey devil all goddamn day and night and then I can't sleep. Oh, and because I've also stopped going out on school nights, I don't have the sleep inducing assistance of the nightly cocktail. And that just sux.

Times were so much simpler in the Bush era when I didn't watch anything more intellectual than So You Think You Can Dance. Back when I drank on school nights, didn't know who the fuck the secretary of agriculture was (it's Tom Vilsack now - why do I know that?), and changed so quickly from any mention of the news on TV that I'm surprised my remote could keep up. Back when I didn't get worked up about the wingnuts and the knuckledraggers and the mindless fuckheads on the far right because, well, I was fucking completely ignoring them. Those were sweet times. I didn't post anything about current events. Or court cases. Or the fucking price of tea in China. Instead, I just told silly stories about myself. I guess ignorance really is bliss. At least in the blogosphere.

And so, in the spirit of that bliss, I hereby am instituting a moratorium on this blog -- no more boring ass ranting about things that do not personally involve yours truly. In other words, nothing that isn't, to paraphrase the bitingly charming Tom & Lorenzo describing one of their friend's blog, straight from my own experience and my own point of view. Random political ranting...I can do that on facebook. Here I will try to stay focused entirely on the happenings in my own life -- even thought its not as exciting perhaps as I would like it to be. Either way, I think it will be good for me. Too much caring about everyone & everything else makes 'stina an even duller girl.

So moratorium in place, here's a snapshot of what's been going on in my life....

HOUSE: same old same old. Same old house with the same old fucking sewer problem. Although I did finally get around to suing my piece-of-shit town for the damage caused thus far. I'm hoping that it'll settle soon because, let's be honest, I may be a litigator, but I don't actually want to have to go to court. That's no fun. I'd rather just get a check, hire a contractor, and wake up one morning with a new basement.

HOMEFRONT: all's quiet. no major upheavals. no changes in our parenting status. although we are probably going to adopt a kitten. so that should be fun.

WORK: Ahhh, something out of the ordinary. Here is where I go way past the same old same old routine. Indeed, major massive upheaval going on here. The details: last month, my office, which I freaking loved, fucking CLOSED. Well, not exactly closed -- more like morphed into a new firm which I was not invited to be a part of. Basically, my boss decided he would rather cut ties with his firm, start his own firm and continue doing the work he wants to do instead of stay with the firm, keep my office open, and tow the party line so to speak. Which is great for him, I guess. But not so fucking great for me, or the 3 others who were not asked to join the "new" firm of Fuck You & Piss Off LLP. Of course, after a very very long weekend of worrying whether I'd have a job come Monday or whether I'd be forced to move in with my mother, everything worked out for me in the end. If you call adding more than an hour to my daily commute with no extra money "working out." But at least I was given the option, I suppose, a sort of no brainer option -- get laid off with zero severance or transfer to the NYC office -- but an option nonetheless. And if I'm being honest, so far it actually hasn't been too bad. I forgot how much I love NYC (or any C for that matter). And as an added bonus -- drinking on school nights. Cause all my former colleagues are still here and after work cocktails always happen midweek. None of that bs Friday shit here.

And finally, just cause with all the talk of drinking I could use a cocktail, here's Google's reason to drink today: it's Worldwide Roma Nation Day. Go gypsies!

Looking Back: March

2009-04-03T12:04:00.005-04:00

Ten Things:

I'm currently reading: The Knitting Circle and A Rather Lovely Inheritance. Both of which are pretty decent reads. And last week I read Tom Holt's You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps. Which is one of the funniest books ever and which has led me to think that I may have found a new favorite author!
Newest music I added to my iTunes: BMG music is changing to something else and getting rid of their music club which meant it was time for me to finally use all the free CD coupons I've accumulated. So...I bought and uploaded the new Nickelback CD, the Grease soundtrack, a CD of Italian faves by Pavarotti, and Dr. Dre's The Chronic. Odd mix, I know. But what can I say, I'm a girl of eclectic tastes.
Movies I saw: Let's see -- Twilight (twice). A couple of on demand movies not even worth mentioning. And The Wackness. Which was crazy good. I mean, run out right now and rent it good. Sir Ben Kingsley as a pot smoking psychotherapist helping his pot dealer, who just graduated from high school, with the doc's step-daughter, work through some issues. It's one of the best movies I've seen in a while. And yes, it was better than Twilight.
Yummy food I made: Haven't been cooking much lately. Although I do make my own gluten-free bread now (or at least the machine makes it for me). It's way better than the frozen shit I would otherwise have to buy .
The last place I ate out: The Orange Squirrel. New local restaurant with a rotating eclectic American menu. FAN-freaking-TASTIC!.
Something that I'm thankful for: My health. My job. And that the latter allows me to do things to improve the former. Like Yoga.
Something that made me cry: The Knitting Circle (see books above).
Something that made me laugh: The pictures from college that a friend of mine posted on facebook. Couldn't help but laugh at myself when I saw what I was wearing.
Something I'm looking forward to: Not having to lug a coat with me on the commute.
Something I want to remember about this month: My first ever cruise. Even with the seasickness on the first full day, it was worth every penny!

(hat tip to LSL for the meme).

So now what?

2009-04-03T10:17:00.001-04:00

STUDY FINDS MEGAN'S LAW DOES NOT STOP RECIDIVISM
A federally funded study finds that New Jersey's sex-offender registration and community notification law is ineffective in deterring repeat offenses and may help cause them, since stigmatizing and ostracizing convicting sex offenders creates stress that may impel new crimes. The study, “Megan’s Law: Assessing the Practical and Monetary Efficacy,” by the state Department of Corrections’ Research and Evaluation Unit and Rutgers University School of Criminal Law, says that while recidivism rates have dropped from 50 percent to 41 percent since the law's 1994 enactment, the law has had no significant effect on the overall number of victims involved in sexual offenses, the length of time before a sex offender's first rearrest or the type of first-time offense or re-offense. Meanwhile, the system's annual costs have risen from an initial $550,000 to an estimated $3.97 million.

Get a Brain! MorOns.

2009-03-26T16:04:00.007-04:00

I want to throw up.

And I don't mean that in a metaphoric way. I mean, literally, sick to my stomach, want to throw up.

Why you ask? Because of this vile pack of bullshit: the Republicans' so-called Road to Recovery. Which is supposedly a response to Obama's calling them out for bitching about the budget without offering their own. Of course, this isn't a fucking budget. There's not one single fucking specific in the whole fucking thing -- other than the way they want to change the tax system. In fact, when asked for specifics about the alleged GOP budget that this ridiculous document supposedly "outlines", that waste of fucking air John Boehner actually said, "wait and see." Um, wait and see, what the fuck is this -- a magic show? And the scariest part is that the knuckle-dragging wingnut talking heads are already railing about how Obama was "wrong" TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO about the Republicans failing to offer their own budget based on the GOP issuing this useless and detail-free piece of rubbish TODAY. Talk about a waste of paper. And a load of bs.

Now mind you, I didn't read the whole fucking thing (just couldn't get through it all without hurling) but you don't have to be a brain surgeon (but you do need to not be a "moran") to realize there are no budgetary details in here and that the whole fucking thing is just a bunch of wishy-washy ideas of what the GOP says they'll do that the Dems supposedly won't. And of course, their usual 'the Dems suck and they hate you' rhetoric.

My problem, however, is not that the GOP has taken issue with Obama's budget, or even that they only offer useless grandstanding in lieu of concrete solutions (well, come to think of it, that pretty much pisses me off too, especially since they make utterly unsupported and hateful claims about the specifics of what the Dems have suggested, but that really isn't my point); my problem is in the tenor of their grandstanding and the way in which one must forget history to believe a single word of it.

Take, for example, their stance on 'health care reform', and I fucking quote (from page 8 if you must know) . . .
"Republicans seek to provide universal access to affordable health care and to address Medicare and Medicaid’s trillion dollar unfunded liabilities with common-sense reforms that ensure our children and grandchildren can secure benefits in the future."

Yes, that's exactly what it says, and no, I'm not fucking crazy.

So yeah, fucking excuse me? The GOP are supporters of universal health care now? The GOP wants to save Medicare and Medicaid? WHAT?!?! Isn't this the same party that has effectively stalled all prior attempts to work toward universal health care coverage? The leader of which actually vetoed expanding health care coverage for fucking children? The same party that gave us the totally fucked up Part D prescription plan for seniors which totally fucked the people it was supposed to protect at the expense of creating massive profits for HMOs (and the drug cos, musn't forget BigPharma)? Have I lost my mind, is it the same fucking party? Oh yeah, it fucking is.

But wait, it gets better: "Republicans plan vigorous efforts to combat waste, fraud, and abuse in order to make traditional Medicare more efficient." Which would be totally fucking hilarious if it weren't so sickeningly hypocritical.

I could rail on about the continuing inaccuracies and ludicrous statements in this "plan," which I am sure is directed at average 'Muricans (you know, the "real" ones, like the dim-witted one in the picture), who continue to believe the GOP gives a shit about them even though it is plainly fucking obvious to the rest of us that they really really don't, but I'm sure others more eloquent than I will do that in the coming days. And weeks. And, let's be honest, months and possibly even years. So, rather than make myself even sicker than I already am, I'll leave you with this...

In addition to the as-yet-uncounted inaccuracies and outright bullshit in this fucking waste of dead trees, the GOP does provide us with one little detail: a massive tax cut for the rich which would, in the words of the HuffPost, "facilitat[e] a dramatic transfer of wealth up the economic scale." And which would result in the lowest tax rates for the rich since the 20s; lower even, then under the GOP golden child, Reagan. (and they dare call us socialists?). In other words, the same old trickle-down bullshit that has never worked before. God I fucking hate them.

Another baby step...and stumble

2009-03-19T14:48:00.008-04:00

First, New Jersey talks about legalizing "medical marijuana."

And now, U.S. Atty Eric Holder says that the feds WILL NOT PROSECUTE local medical marijuana clinics that are operating legally under state law. Until now (thanks to that fucking alcoholic son-of-a-bitch Bush), clinics like this could be raided and the operators arrested and prosecuted under federal drug laws. We're talking major fucking time here, without any consideration for the fact that these clinics are legal (under state law) and are a providing a necessary service to fucking sick people.

Of course, the DEA has already decided it could give a shit what Mr. Holder has to say. Even though the DEA is part of the DOJ and therefore under the command of Mr. Holder. I guess either the DEA is saying fuck you to its boss and the Obama administration altogether, or someone just didn't get the memo.

Now granted, this could just be the end of an investigation that was allowed to run the course despite the policy shift. And it could be that a week simply isn't enough time to put such a new policy into place. And maybe the DOJ won't prosecute anyone so in the end it won't be a big deal (except for all the sweet sweet maryjane that the feds seized). And maybe even the DEA will get a public dressing down. But regardless, why the fuck would anyone want to keep useful medicine from fucking sick people? What the fuck is wrong with the DEA. I mean really? How fucking masochistic is it to say, fuck you cancer patients, I don't give a fuck if the mj restores your appetite which allows you to eat which gives you strength to withstand chemo which might keep you alive. You can't have it because I fucking said so. Go eat a peach pit, bitch.

Not to mention that its not like its hard to go after a medical marijuana clinic -- they all operate in the open and are usually registered or licensed by the state in whic they operate. So, what? Am I supposed to be impressed by the DEA's investigative skills? What? Because a half-witted moron could find the goods on any given clinic in any given state. Makes you wonder what the fuck the DEA does with our money. And ask yourself, is this really the organization you want protecting you from Mexican drug lords? Which, by the way, would have less influence if marijuana was fucking legal in this fucking country. But I digress....the med-mj movement is nothing without federal cooperation which proponents finally thought they were achieving. So I ask you Mr. Holder, WTF?

Jersey Hapnins...

2009-03-16T14:50:00.003-04:00

I just came back from a one week vacation (which was fucking awesome by the way and which I'll share in more detail another time) and found google reader had more than 700 entries for me to catch up on....more than 300 of which were from nj.com. So, being the good google reader cleaner-upper that I am (for some reason, I just can't bring myself to simply erase the whole bunch and start fresh -- its a sickness really), I started there. And I was very quickly reminded once again that I live in one crazy ass mutha-fuckin state. And then I thought, hell, how can I not share the lunacy that is the great Garden State? So, for your reading pleasure, here's just some of the crazy shit that went on in Jersey over the past 7 days or so, all brought to you thanks to nj.com (oh, and to really appreciate the nutiness of this place, you just gotta read some of the comments -- there are a couple of wingnuts that try to make everything Obama's fault while at the same time completely misspelling every other word...simply priceless):

* Man sentenced to 8 years in prison for trying to steal about $120 worth of batteries. That's right, I said 8 fucking years. Now granted, the dude also kneed the store clerk in the groin a few times, and was a repeat offender, but COME. ON. 8 years? For $120? That's just nuts.

* Pedestrian was hit by a car while trying to cross the...nope, not the street...the fucking GARDEN STATE PARKWAY. As in highway, as in high speeds, as in, yo dumb ass, don't cross there, Garden State Parkway (known affectionately, or hatefully as the case may be, round these parts as simply, the Parkway). Now, this particular part of the Parkway, where this fella tried to cross, is located behind my house. And I mean directly behind my house. I can see the spot from my kitchen window (at least in the winter when the trees are bare). And let me tell you, unless a serial killer is chasing you, there is no reason to be crossing the Parkway there -- NONE. Directly south of the guy would have been the toll booths (with real live toll collectors, not to mention the side parking area where they park). Behind him, the exit ramp from which he could have crossed OVER the Parkway. Not to mention that because of the tolls, the Parkway at this spot is about 20 lanes wide but just a few hundred feet north, it's only six. So crossing in this particular spot? You just gotta ask, crazy much?

* What do you get when you mix a ton of bars, a bad economy and St. Patty's Day? Massive arrests and fines being issued in Hoboken. Some craziness is expected on this highest holiday of Irishness (allegedly), but people puking off balconies onto the street below? Now that's just sick. And wrong.

* Shithole amusement park facing bankruptcy. This amusement park has been around forever. I remember going when I was a kid. Unfortunately, it looks pretty much like I remember, except dirtier because it has never really been upgraded in all that time; other than new rides being added of course - usually another roller coaster that you can't ride unless you wait in a 3 hour line or BUY the special ticket to cut in line. And yet every year this fucking place raises its prices on everything from entry to parking (yeah, that's right - you have to pay to park in addition to the ridiculous entry fee) to the cost of a soda (hovering now, I believe at the $5 mark for a fucking soda). You'd have to be crazy to not understand why people aren't going there anymore.

* NJ property taxes increased by only 3.7% this year, which is the lowest increase in about a decade. Yippee. Let's throw a fucking party. Oh wait, 3.7% is still a shit load of money when you start with some of the highest fucking taxes in the country. And yet these crazy ass politicians want a fucking pat on the back. First I'd like them to tell me, what exactly am I getting for my extra 3.7%. Oh yeah, right, fucking nothing.

* Jersey girl "misses her chance at stardom" when melee breaks out ANTM auditions (OK, technically this happened in NYC, but it involved at least one Jersey girl, so it made the cut). Seriously -- ANTM makes a call for women under 5'7" and total chaos ensues. WTF is that about? Seriously, ANTM's been around a while and this would appear to be the first time some crazy shit like this happened at an audition. Could it be that short wanna-be-model-girls are just feistier than their tall counterparts? Or is it simply that crazy-ass Tyra has placed such unrealistic hopes in these girls' heads that they didn't believe they'd actually have to WAIT IN LINE? Either way, that's still some crazy shit.

$100 on Giants to Win

2009-03-16T14:13:00.001-04:00

From today's NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing:
"Democratic Senator Raymond Lesniak has announced his intention to sue the federal government to overturn a 17-year-old ban on sports betting, saying it would serve as another source of cash for New Jersey at a time when Atlantic City revenues are on a steep decline. The suit, to be filed within the next two weeks, would challenge the Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act of 1992, which prevents all but four states from legalizing sports betting. Lesniak seeks to allow state-regulated sports betting in Atlantic City's casinos, at the state's three horseracing tracks and at off-track betting locations. He says that New Jersey could generate as much as $100 million annually for the state budget."

I never really understood why you could bet on horses but not on people. I mean really - its not like the horses are running all by themselves -- there are people involved. Can't wait to see what people have to say about this though -- I imagine the puritanical folks will come out of the woodwork on this one. Then again - the State is so broke, it might just pass through without too much argument.

Random Shit I've Been Reading

2009-03-05T02:08:00.008-05:00

Kidnapping and Bondage... In the Kid's Department. Seriously.

Marx and the 21st Century. Intriguing. May even have to read the Schumpeter book. (I know there's a dirty joke there somewhere...)

Prop 8 Arguments tomorrow (or I guess, really, later today). Streaming live! And since it's Cali, I don't even have to go to work early.

New favorite word: ecofascist. Love it. And well said, Ms. Barnett. Well said.

And speaking of fascists..."Think Progress has video of "Joe the Plumber" suggesting that some members of Congress ought to be shot." Hat tip to Right Wing Watch.

And if that weren't bad enough...now the GOP wants to pull rank they don't even have. While at the same time, flip-flopping on prior statements they have made. Well I say let 'em fucking filibuster. The President of the U.S.A. does not answer to the republican minority. Or the Dem majority for that matter. Some quotes from the flip-floppers here (hat tip to Right Wing Watch, again)

And on the same note....another nail on the head by RWW: "Phyllis Schlafly says that 'liberals tried to filibuster the confirmation of [Samuel] Alito' and that it set 'an example for Republicans to follow if President Barack Obama nominates a justice out of touch with the American people.' Does that mean Alito is out of touch with the American people?" Priceless.

Oh, and by the way, did you hear? Autism is not caused by vaccinations.

Too fun not to share.

2009-03-05T01:35:00.001-05:00

http://www.dccc.org/content/sorry

Stimulate & Focus -- Update

2009-02-25T15:18:00.003-05:00

NJ Gov. Jon Corzine has publicly stated that he will sign a medical marijuana bill if it comes across his desk. So yay! Now we just need the Assembly to do the right thing.

Stimulate & Focus

2009-02-24T10:26:00.006-05:00

From the NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing
SENATE PASSES MEDICINAL MARIJUANA BILL
The state Senate on Monday passed a bill that would allow medicinal marijuana use by patients suffering from cancer and other chronic or terminal illnesses. The Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act, S-119, passed by a mostly partisan 22-16 vote and now goes to the Assembly for consideration. If enacted, the measure would make N.J. the 14th state to allow medicinal use of the drug. It would authorize the Department of Health and Senior Services to issue photo-identification cards to qualifying patients who have been diagnosed by a physician, with whom they have an existing, bona fide relationship, to use marijuana for medical purposes. The cards would allow patients to purchase marijuana at alternative medical centers and to keep on hand up to six marijuana plants and one ounce for personal use.

So...this leaves me with the following checklist....
1. Research medical uses for marijuana.
2. Figure out which one I could actually convince a doctor I have.
3. Read the proposed law & see if it has any other hoops to jump through.
4. Figure out if any of my current docs (yes, I have a number of current docs whom I see somewhat regularly and no, I am not a hypochondric) would "diagnose" me and approve of my "medical use" of MJ
5. If not, find a doctor who would do that and start a "bona fide relationship" with him or her.
6. Make sure there are plenty of snacks in the house.

In all seriousness though -- it's about fucking time these types of laws get passed everywhere. NJ would be 14th and that is not nearly enough places. I mean, COME. ON. It makes no fucking sense whatsoever that a doctor can give me morphine for pain but not marijuana for nausea. Or barbirtuates to help me sleep, but not marijuana to restore my appetite. Everyone who has really looked into the issue knows that the only reason the ban on medical use exists is because pharma companies don't want people to be able to grow their own drugs. They want you to have to buy their chemically laden, side effect riddled drugs. Those are perfectly OK. But oh no - not marijuana. You don't need drug companies to get marijuana. And it might make you eat some more doritos. Which makes me wonder -- do you think anyone has approached Frito-Lay about backing these types of laws? Because everyone knows legalization for medical use is a first step toward eventual full legalization, or at the very least decriminalization.

Not to mention the ability of farmers to grow hemp in this country. Which isn't even a fucking drug for fucks sake. You could smoke a whole fucking field of it and all you'd do is give yourself a fucking headache and waste a very valuable crop. It is absolutely disgusting that we can import hemp products made elsewhere but aren't allowed to create those very same products here. You want a fucking economic stimulus -- legalize hemp. Watch how fast little cottage industries spring up all over this nation. We pay farmers to leave their fields fallow. If they could grow hemp, we wouldn't need to pay them anything. They could grow crop after crop after crop. We could stop chopping down trees for fucking paper and cardboard. We could have earth-friendly building materials and cloth and more products then most people even realize. But again, no......just like medical maryjane would put a dent in pharma profits, hemp would put a dent in the profits of major corporations that have grown fat and lazy and resistant to change. Well I think this country has shown it can usher in change when it focuses. So focus people focus. (and put down the J -- you know you can't focus on that shit). And let's, in the words of Peter Tosh, Legalize It!

NOTE (as a matter of fairness): There are some who think hemp & maryjane are illegal because of racism, and not because of any corporate action against it. I understand their point and will even concede that is possible racism had a hand in some parts of the anti-marijuana movement. But racism doesn't explain the non-drug hemp issue. What exactly does racism have to do with a farmer being able to grow a non-drug plant that can be used as food, or to make cloth, or even plastic (yeah, that's right, plastic!)? And more importantly, why can't the two theories survive side by side? The people who were racists back in the day were also the people who ran the corporations, right?

And the Boss Drama Continues....

2009-02-12T15:37:00.003-05:00

From today's NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing:

TICKETMASTER SUED IN WAKE OF SPRINGSTEEN TICKET SCANDAL
Ticketmaster Entertainment Inc. is facing federal court charges of conspiring to monopolize the resale market for sports, concert and show tickets, following Bruce Springsteen's complaint about the company's sales practices. The suit, filed in Los Angeles federal court Friday, alleges Ticketmaster redirected fans, including those trying to buy Springsteen tickets Feb. 2, to TicketsNow.com, where the tickets were marked up by hundreds and even thousands of dollars. Ticketmaster gets a 15 percent cut from TicketsNow, which it owns, according to the suit. The New Jersey attorney general has launched an investigation of Ticketmaster's sales practices, and U.S. Rep. William Pascrell, D-NJ, has called for a federal antitrust investigation.

Looks like the plaintiff's bar has made another chink in Ticketmaster's armor. Don't know if it will go anywhere, just like I don't know if the NJ investigation will go anywhere, but if enough shit gets piled on, eventually the feds will smell the stink and take a serious look at this very fucking obvious monopoly! (thanks to Rep. Pascrell, by the way, for instigating the call for an antitrust review!). I mean really, doesn't anyone remember what happened when Pearl Jam tried NOT to use Ticketmaster? Let's just put it this way -- before trying to fight Ticketmaster, they were HUGE. After, not so much. All I know is I hope these fuckers get what's coming to 'em cause I, for one, am sick of paying $15 "convenience" charges. What convenience I ask?

What's pissing me off today...

2009-02-09T17:28:00.005-05:00

The fucking lying-ass-bitches over at the Traditional Values Coalition. Granted, despite their fucking lie about certain language in the stimulus package, the ridiculous DeMint amendment was defeated (thank the goddess); but still, they couldn't get their fucking way so now they want to sue? Are you fucking kidding me? I swear (obviously) that these fucking bastards will not rest until there is a government funded (Christian) church on every corner. Ok, we get it, there were a fuckload of Christians back in the day when this country was founded. But could you for one fucking second just stop and pretend like you listened in high school history -- these particular Christians (they were called PURITANS you ignorant assholes) were not the same as those in England, where everyone had to be the religion that the government said. So these people, the forerunners, one might say, of today's evangelicals, left the fucking country. So that they would be free from government required religion. And free to practice a DIFFERENT religion than the majority in England. So - ergo, dumbasses, whether the founders were Christians or Jews or Zoroastrians is besides the point. What they were is not as important as what they weren't -- they weren't interested in the government being involved in their religion. So back the fuck off already. Or leave the fucking country. I mean really, hasn't history taught you anything?

And if that wasn't enough, more wacky-ass Christian bullshit (that's right, I called it bullshit) from "Revive Our Hearts." For those who are blissfully ignorant of this particular fringe group, apparently "Revive Our Hearts" is, according to the linked article, a St. Louis based women’s ministry, and radio program, that "stresses submission as a militant discipline." And by submission they don't mean submission as in S&M-ooh-that's kinda-kinky submission. They mean women-are-stupid-bitches-who-should-be-seen-and-not-heard submission. As in go-fix-me-a-turkey-pot-pie-you-useless-female submission. These self-hating women actually believe that women should be subservient to men in all things. And they even sponsored a conference -- the "True Women's Conference" -- to talk about it. The final point being to change culture to rid the world of the effects of the women's movement. You know - all those awful things like opportunity and equality and education. Who fucking needs it right?

Well, my first question is, do you think they had their husbands' permission to have this little "conference" or rather, did their husbands require them to attend? Because the mere fact that they're organizing and have a political agenda seems to fly in the face of their stated beliefs that women are only good for raising children and taking care of the home and even then only if they do these things in the ways demanded by their (allegedly) superior menfolk. And then my second question is - are you fucking kidding me? Ummm, sorry bitches, but I think perhaps you should all just go back to your kitchens and baby-making and shut the fuck up because your measly 3,000 little signatures of poor self-hating women (who were probably beaten into submission for the most part anyway) is nothing compared to the will of the millions of women in this country who have more sense in their well-coifed hair follicles then it would appear these "true" women have combined and who aren't about to leave the board room for the back room.

Maybe that's a little unfair -- maybe these women aren't total idiots...after all, they claim this is a religious belief. But if that's so, then keep your fucking belief to yourselves ladies (see above). Then again, as noted over at Mother Jones, these nutjobs don't want our respect or the freedom to do as they please (which they already have), they want our deference and that they will not get and do not deserve. In fact, I'll even go one farther -- given that this same group seems to think its just fine for a man to BEAT HIS WIFE (that's right -- read the linked MJ article - no divorce for 'average' abuse), well then they're a bunch of criminal-minded mother fuckers who should have their children taken from them. I'm sorry, but it is child abuse to tell a little girl that she is worthless for anything other than being a breeder. And let's not forget that the Bible, which all these lunatics cling to, was written by...can you guess? do you know? that's right...fucking MEN. Men who had faced thousands of years of matriarchal pagan culture and didn't like not being in charge of everything and who had finally found a way to take all the power. They wrote their little books and got a whole bunch of mother fuckers to read them and believe every word came straight from the Big Man's mouth. Then they use it to rationalize (among a whole host of shitty things) their treatment of women. Excuse me but, ummm, look at it this way, would Jesus really beat and oppress women? I've never met the man, but I'm guessing not. And I'm thinking he's probably gonna be pretty pissed that people are using his church to push this blatantly sexist agenda. AGAIN.

There is of course, a potential bright side...history tells us that the type of submission being pushed here often has very interesting results. Put another way, I wonder if the men behind these women (and you know that's what this is -- it must be right, cause women are not smart or strong enough to do this alone) would keep pushing this particular brand of submission were they to realize that it is also the Janie's-Got-a-Gun and It's-Independence-Day and Goodbye-Earl brand of submission. If so, well, then maybe the end result will be less dickheads and more unindicted women. ;)

Giving "I'm Goin' Down" a New Meaning...

2009-02-05T10:08:00.005-05:00

From today's NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing:

ATTORNEY GENERAL PROBING ONLINE SPRINGSTEEN TICKET SALES
New Jersey's attorney general and Division of Consumer Affairs are investigating Monday's sale of Bruce Springsteen concerts tickets based on more than 250 complaints about online purchases attempted through Ticketmaster. Fans seeking tickets to shows at Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum in New York and Izod Center in East Rutherford said Ticketmaster's Web site redirected them to the site of its TicketsNow unit, a reseller, which offered seats at a mark-ups of hundreds of dollars for concerts not yet sold out. Springsteen issued a statement condemning the practice, and the state is looking into possible violations of the Consumer Fraud Act or ticket resale law. The Consumer Affairs Division Web site has a "Bruce Springsteen/Ticketmaster Complaints" icon that links to an online complaint form. U.S. Rep. Bill Pascrell Jr., D-8th Dist., has asked the Federal Trade Commission and U.S. Department of Justice to investigate Ticketmaster's relationship with TicketsNow.

Could Jersey really be the David that takes down the Goliath that is Ticketmaster? Is it actually possible that this behemoth will (FINALLY) face some repercussions for the way it does business? 'Cause lets be honest -- we all know it provides almost no service for the outrageous fees it charges (I mean really, they charge $2.50 for you to print your own fucking ticket!). And now the link with a scalper (and yes, scalping is exactly what TicketsNow fucking does -- it buys tickets at regular prices and then sells them at a ridiculouss mark up -- everyday folks who do this are called illegal scalpers, but somehow companies that do it are called "brokers"? Fuck that.) It seems everyday Ticketmaster finds another way to make itself a ton of bucks at the expense of people who just want to see some live fucking music.

Well it would seem they fucked with the wrong folks this time. You just don't get between tickets to the Boss and his Jersey fans -- you just don't. We take our homegrown heroes really fucking seriously - Bruce, BonJovi, the Queen.... We understand tickets selling out; we understand we're fucked when it comes to Ticketmaster's excessive fees. But we do not expect to be fucked with like this. At least not with the Boss. Fuck with Britney fans if you want, but not Boss fans you fucking idiots. This is fucking Jersey people. You mess with us, we take you down. Fucking Texas don't have shit on us (I mean really, our hair is often bigger than their hats.) Don't mess with Texas? Hardly. Don't mess with fucking Jersey. Because when all else fails, there are swamps right near the big concert venues and well, lets just say we all know what the fuck they're used for...
;)

Don't NJ Cops Have Better Things To Do?

2009-01-30T11:10:00.001-05:00

From today's NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing:

PANEL ADVANCES BILL PENALIZING SNOW/ICE BUILD-UP ON VEHICLES
The Assembly Transportation, Public Works and Independent Authorities Committee has approved a bill that would make it an offense to fail to remove accumulated ice or snow from a motor vehicle prior to operation. Under the bill, A-1718, each driver has an affirmative duty to make all reasonable efforts to remove accumulated ice or snow from exposed surfaces of the vehicle, including the hood, trunk, windshield, windows and roof. Police could stop vehicles where they believe accumulated ice or snow poses a threat to persons or property, regardless of whether snow or ice is dislodged. Violators would be subject to fines of $25 to $75.

WTF?!?! A law forcing folks to remove the snow from the fucking roofs of their cars or face being pulled over and getting a ticket even if the fucking snow never even flies off the roof? I'm sorry but is this really fucking necessary? Cause you know what it means, don't you? It means that on snowy days local cops, and possibly even the staties, are going to take the opportunity to rack up the fees for snow covered roofs instead of focusing on, oh, I don't know...stopping actual unsafe drivers or looking for actual criminals who might not earn the government money. Yes, it's annoying when snow or ice flies off the car in front of you. But is it that big of a deal? Really? I've never heard of a single person being injured or even suffering damage to their car so I really don't aee the ppoint; not to mention that other laws would come into play if the snow actually flies off. It's as if the legislators in NJ need people to think they are actually doing shit or something. As opposed to just sitting in their offices planning for their re-elections.

Well I wish they'd fucking stop it! I'd rather they do nothing then keep up this bs - passing law after law that does little for the state other than stretching our police further and further. I mean really...how about they fucking enforce the rules we already have before adding new ones to the list. Like the recycling law. A ton of folks blatantly abuse that one - and I mean blatantly. Just take a drive through my neighborhood on trash day and see for yourself. Or, if they've got a thing for snow-related rules...how about the one that says home/property owners have to shovel their walks or face a fine? Just this morning, on my very short walk from my house to the bus stop, I could have issued at least 6 or 7 tickets.

All I know is that this proposed no snow on the car rule is ridiculous. I'm sure the cops have better shit to do and if the legislators want us to think they're deserving of re-election, then maybe they should do some real fucking work -- like finally passing the law that would prohibit crooked and caught politicians from using campaign contributions as their personal defense funds. That would be something I could believe in. Then again, I suppose that rule might not be in their own self-interest so I probably shouldn't hold my breath.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

All I can say is...

2009-01-23T10:44:00.004-05:00

Hallelujah, hallelujah, ha-lay-lu-yah.

Of course, this jubilation is tempered by, among other things, (1) the audacity of a Fourth Circuit judge asking Obama to allow his court to remain a bastion of conservatism and (2) by this nutjob NJ attorney who is wasting the court's resources by filing yet another ridiculous "Obama-isn't-a-citizen" case.

The Judge, of course, doesn't come right out and ask Obama to appoint conservatives, but he gets close enough. I mean , seriously, he talks about "the misadventures of the third branch" -- fucking conservative-speak for liberal judges. And then suggests that these misadventures will "hasten the loss of our priceless heritage of personal liberty." First of all, who the fuck does this guy think he's fucking kidding? Cause I'm pretty sure most folks understand what he's getting at - he may be a judge but that doesn't make the rest of us idiots. And second, I'm pretty fucking sure it was the conservatives who hastened the loss of liberty. That he would even suggest otherwise is incomprehensible. Although I did chuckle a little by his claim that "the 4th Circuit has never prided itself on ideology." Puh-leeze.

Oh, and as for the idiot NJ lawyer...cut the shit out already...you're making the rest of look bad. I mean really, this is at least the SECOND lawyer from NJ trying to do the same thing. Um, hello, fucking excuse me, but if the Supreme Court struck down the first guy, what the fuck makes this second guy think they're going to listen to him? Or makes the rest of these idiots think they're going to change anything? I mean, really, could this guy be more of a media whore? 'Cause there is no other explanation. Unless, of course, you account for stupidity. Or lunacy. Or whatever-the-fuck mental disorder is keeping these people from getting over themselves. He's the fucking PRESIDENT people. Fucking deal with it.

100 Days

2009-01-21T13:30:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday MLK

2009-01-19T12:35:00.007-05:00

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

In other words...

(and before anyone makes some obnoxious comment, no, I'm not comparing Bono to MLK...read the caption on the photo people, jeez)

Friends?

2009-01-16T17:21:00.007-05:00

In the last week and a half, three of my "friends" have canceled plans we had made - plans that had been made weeks and weeks before. And not just canceled, but canceled at the last minute. Like the fucking day of last minute. Three different people on three different nights, the last of which just happened. And I am so fucking pissed off. I mean really, what the fuck? Is it just me or is that just fucking rude as hell. And no, there weren't particularly good reasons for the cancellations - in fact, the reasons sucked and have actually made it worse. One girl decided she needed to go to the gym instead. One claimed to be sick (and I later found out she wasn't really all that sick since she went out the next night with someone else) and the third said, wait for it, that her contacts are bothering her. That's right -- she cannot go out in 3 hours because her fucking contacts are bothering her now. Or rather, she can't come hang out at my fucking house because she's had her contacts in for too long. What, she can't put her fucking glasses on? Really? Well fuck her. I mean, COME ON. At least lie to me and say it's too fucking cold and you don't want to leave the house. As for the others, fuck them too.

I left the south, and my family, to move back north to be closer to my friends. But with friends like this... Maybe I should have just stayed where I was.

Bookcrossing 2008

2009-01-15T22:22:00.003-05:00

I am a "bookcrosser." Have been for about 4 years. And as part of that, I keep track of the books I read each year (but only the ones I read for fun -- I don't count books I had to read for work). It's not required or anything, but it is kind of cool to be able to go back and see what you've read a month ago or two years ago or whatever. But rather than keep years of lists on my bookcrossing "bookshelf," I started moving them to this blog at the end of each year. So...since we just rounded the corner of 2008, here's my year-end list of books I read, re-read or gave up on (I've only given up on a few books in my life, and none in 2008, but that's the title I gave the list ages ago so that's what I'm going with).

Oh, and for those who don't know, according to the BookCrossing site, bookcrossing means "the practice of leaving a book in a public place to be picked up and read by others, who then do likewise." The word was originally coined by Ron Hornbaker, when he created the BookCrossing site in 2001 and was added to the eleventh edition Concise Oxford English Dictionary in August 2004.

2008 Book List
What the Dickens: The Story of a Rogue Tooth Fairy by Gregory Maguire
My Horizontal Life by Chelsea Handler (borrowed from a friend)
New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (borrowed from a friend)
Revenge of the Middle-Aged Woman by Elizabeth Buchan (bookray)
Fight Club by Chuck Palahnuik
No Place for a Woman: The Autobiography of an Outback Publican by Mayse Young
Gentlemen and Players by Joanne Harris (bookray)
Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes
Flirting with Forty by Jane Porter
The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
River Town by Peter Hessler
The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs
Summer Sisters by Judy Blume (bookring)
Eat, Pray, Live by Elizabeth Gilbert
When Darkness Falls by James Grippando
The Ponder Heart by Eudora Welty
Lady Chatterly's Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Paper Wings by Marly A. Swick

What's in a Name?

2009-01-14T21:04:00.009-05:00

About 18 months ago, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease (I actually had been diagnosed years and years earlier and declared cured, but that's another story). For those who don't know, people with celiac disease cannot properly digest gluten -- which is found in wheat, rye and barley and anything made with those items (which is like 90% of shit you find in the regular supermarket). If we eat those things, we generally get really sick. We won't die, but puking after eating is no fun for anyone. Plus, we have increased risks of all kinds of shitty cancers and other diseases. So, how do you treat celiac disease? You don't. The only thing you can do is change your diet...so for the last 18 months I've gone without decent bread (except the breadsticks at Risotteria in NYC) and haven't even bothered to step inside a deli (I see no point in going to a deli if I can't order a fucking sub -- or even most soups for that matter because most of those have fucking gluten too; oh - and Chinese food! Yeah, Chinese food -- because of the soy sauce, but don't get me started). Anyway -- you can only imagine the hell I live in -- I'm fucking Italian and haven't been able to eat bread or have a a fucking sub. And then today...a ray of fucking light.

And this light came in the shape of an email...earlier today a friend of mine sent me a link to an article about this new gluten free "deli" about 30 minutes from my house. The place is called The Mighty Panini or some shit like that but was touted by the owner as a "deli." So, call me fucking crazy, but I assumed the place would have paninis, or at the very least, deli-like sandwiches. I mean that's pretty much a "well duh" statement, right? So -- hearing about a gluten free deli, I was totally pumped and didn't care if the place was an hour away -- I was gonna fucking drive there and get a fucking panini for dinner.

So... after work I get in my car, I drive 30 minutes (on the fucking toll ridden parkway no less) and figure myself lucky as-all-get-out when I find a parking spot right in front of the place. I go in...anticipation nearly dripping from my smile...hell, my smile was so wide the guy probably thought I was a freak. I look up at the menu on the wall, get ready to order, and BAM!

"Sorry, miss, we don't have that menu anymore."

They don't have that menu anymore? Whatthefuck? Didn't this place just open? But then I remember the article saying something about the place having been changed to a gluten free deli from a regular deli, so I figure they just hadn't gotten around to taking down the old menu and I say, "OK, what do you have?"

And so the kindly deli worker points to the first deli case -- "here's the meats and cheeses we have" and then, pointing to the next deli case, he says "And here's the bread we use."

Well - that's when the smile disappeared. Because sitting in that refrigerated deli case was a package of the very same crappy excuse-for-bread gluten-free bread that I have in my fucking fridge at home. No sub rolls. No paninis. No hard rolls. Just a pathetic excuse for white bread and an even more pathetic excuse for wheat bread. I wanted to cry. Or scream. Or, I don't even know what. And all I could think was "deli?" Fuck. That.

Of course, I still ordered a sandwich, and grabbed some frozen lasagna. What can I say, I was fucking starving. And the lasagna they don't carry at Whole Foods.

Who Died and Made Mukasey King?

2009-01-09T10:31:00.007-05:00

Apparently, a couple of days ago, soon-to-be-fired Attorney General Michael Mukasey issued an "opinion" which says that illegal aliens facing deportation do not have a right to the effective assistance of counsel. Prior to this pronouncement, however, the majority of federal circuit courts, and the Board of Immigration Appeals, said the exact opposite - that illegals DO have a right to effective assistance of counsel. Now, granted, there were a few circuit courts that disagreed. But usually when there is a "circuit split" like this, the Supreme Court steps in and decides which side is right. That's how its always fucking worked. That's what the fucking constitution calls for. In fact, finding a circuit split for an appeal issue is, for lawyers, like a kid finding a bowl full of candy -- we get all excited and starting thinking things like, holy shit, oh my god, I might have a Supreme Court case on my hands. Yippee! But this time around, Mukasey has said screw the Supremes, I'm gonna handle this one solo.

And he didn't just issue an opinion on the main issue....after trouncing on federal court precedence, this fucker goes and says that if illegals have a problem with their lawyers, they should ask the IMMIGRATION DEPARTMENT (that's right, the very same people trying to deport them) to reopen their case. Not a court, which is the standard practice and how it has worked for, well, ever, but the fucking Immigration Department. Oh, and the Immigration Department has complete discretion to basically say, fuck off and no one can do a goddamn thing about it. Read more about it here.

Now...my problem is not whether Mukasey got it right or wrong (we'll leave that question for another day), but I am livid that he had the audacity to decide the issue himself. And that he seems to be stripping the federal courts of jurisdiction guaranteed them by U.S. law. I mean seriously, who the fuck said it was okay for his to do this? Where the fuck does he get off? I'm no expert on the authority of the Department of Justice, but I'm pretty fucking sure that it's not authorized to interpret the constitution. The Federal Courts usually do that. But hey, it's almost January 20, right? SO I'm not surprised to hear something like this. The Bushies only have a couple more weeks to completely fuck up our country and our entire legal system...and for once, it looks like they're actually going to do some fucking work.

The End of Days

2009-01-08T10:52:00.003-05:00

Or perhaps, at least, the end of Joe the Plumber's days?

Turns out Joe the Plumber (who, lets not forget, doesn't actually hold a plumbers license) is going to Gaza! Apparently some dipshit conservative website thinks he's got the skills to be a war correspondent. So they're sending him to war so he can tell the story of the average Palestinian Joe, or some shit. And no, this is not a joke.

All I have to say is, really? Seriously? Doesn't he hate Muslims? Isn't he a bit of a, what's the word, oh yeah, moron? Am I missing something here?

That and I seriously cannot wait to see how this turns out.

Cult of Personality

2009-01-07T10:26:00.010-05:00

This morning, the following appeared in the NJ Law Journal Daily Briefing:

CONFERENCE SUGGESTS RADICAL LAW SCHOOL MAKEOVERS
Law firms may not be known for innovation, but they look positively cutting edge next to law schools. That was the consensus among law firm leaders, professors and entrepreneurs attending the recent Leading Legal Innovation conference at the University of Southern California's Gould School of Law. Among the topics on the table: Law schools are great at teaching students how to read a court decision, but they don't teach many of the skills needed to be a successful lawyer. Some schools recommend adding foundational competencies that cover teamwork, improved communications skills and strategic decision making. Others suggest teaching and screening for interpersonal skills.

I read this and the first thing I thought was why is this news? Everyone knows law school doesn't teach you shit other than "how to think like a lawyer." At least not the top law schools (I've heard rumors that some of the 'lower tier' schools do teach actual legal skills). And it isn't even shocking that the conference attendees (basically, the people new law grads work for) think new law grads lack interpersonal skills. Its really quite simple -- "law firm leaders, professors and entrepreneurs" think new law grads lack interpersonal skills probably because new law grads are chained to their fucking desks 12 fucking hours a day and don't have any opportunity to talk to anyone other than other new law grads. I've been there, I know. For my first two years out of law school, I rarely was given the opportunity to speak with partners; hell, I only ever saw them if (1) they were giving me new work or (2) I was turning in a completed assignment. There were a few social events where partners could be found, but the chance of actually speaking to them was minimal, mostly because the gunners (aka I-wanna-be-partner-by-the-time-I'm-30-even-if-I-have-to-give-up-sleep-and-lose-all-my-friends-and-never-take-vacation associates) would surround the partners like wolves circle sheep. There was no getting in unless you were blatantly an asshole and forced yourself upon the situation. And that is hardly an interpersonal skill. Besides, it was much more enjoyable to spend those precious few hours of freedom close to the bar with the other captives.

So, yeah, its no wonder people think new law grads don't have interpersonal skills. And "teaching and screening" for such skills won't help. Because I'm pretty fucking personable (even with the all the swearing), ask anyone, but you never would had known that had you been a partner at the firm I worked for. And that's because you probably never would have actually tried to talk to me, except perhaps about how I only billed 200 hours last month or how my memo lacked this or that or how you had dinner reservations with a client so I had to work late to get started on something you needed by morning (which you never actually needed by fucking morning and which you should have done yourself earlier in the day). Now, had you been an associate -- you would have gotten to know me because we would have had real conversations, like real people do in real life. Besides, the vast majority of my law school classmates were all very personable people, at least in law school. But I'm sure many of them were later found to be lacking in interpersonal skills precisely for the same reason I would have been.

Law schools probably do need a major makeover, and probably should do more to teach people how to be lawyers. But at the same time, the people who oversee this makeover should remember that all the interpersonal skills training in the world will do nothing to change perceptions of new law grads if the people they work for continue to treat them like cogs in some great wheel of commerce as opposed to free thinking individuals.

Revolution and Resolutions

2009-01-05T10:16:00.007-05:00

What can I say, 2008 was both good and bad. I lost my father-in-law and one of my kitties, but I witnessed (and was a part of!) the most pivotal election of my lifetime (so far, anyway). Some of my clients were victorious in their lawsuits (meaning they had to pay much less than if some other law firm had been representing them) and some of them annoyed the shit out of me because they haven't yet got what they think is coming to them (and don't even get me started on what that might be, other than the millions they're expecting). Overall, though, I suppose, it was not a totally awful year, perhaps even better than average. Even though first the housing market and then the economy tanked, meaning I'm stuck in my fucking too-small house for a while or at least until I can figure out a way to convince a bank to give me another loan so I can keep my current house (and rent it) while buying another one (to actually live in). We'll see.

But I am hopeful, thanks to our President-Elect whose take on the world I believe is revolutionary -- imagine, thinking that an election should be about the people and not the corporations that employ them. That an inauguration should include everyday folks and not just the famous and powerful. That people from all regions of the political spectrum are asked to be a part of the governing body. Imagine what can be accomplished when the government really is of the people, by the people and for the people. If it wasn't simply a return to the original precepts of this country, such a position would be revolutionary.Hell, to some of the power brokers, it still is. And that makes me think that 2009 might be even better than 2008, even if the economy is slow in recovering, even if I have to stay in my too-small house longer than I would like; even if I don't get tickets to the inauguration. :) It's amazing how a little hope can create brightness in times of darkness. So on with the revolution!!!

And now, the resolutions....because it's hardly new years until I make some promises to myself. So...

1. Take better care of myself.
Tomorrow I will have been smoke free (with a few little slip ups) for exactly six months, so hooray me. But while that is a step forward towards healthfulness, the problem is that those 6 smoke-free months also led to me gaining nearly 15 fucking pounds, and that totally sucks. So, this year, I WILL get rid of those pounds, plus a few extra I was already working on before quitting smoking. And that means eating better, exercising more, drinking more water, etc. I could make a whole bunch of specific sub-resolutions/promises to myself, but I generally don't like "rules" so an overall idea of caring for myself will probably work best for me.

2. Clear out the clutter
I've got a basement plus two storage units full of stuff. Most of this stuff came out of my father-in-law's house, and was the natural result of selling his home, but there's also a lot of stuff that was ours that just got shoved aside following a nasty flood a few years back. Hell, I don't even remember what is in some of the boxes. But getting rid of that much shit is much harder work than you would expect. With the FIL's stuff -- the DH and his brother want to "go through it" but they're both awful procrastinators, which means I have to do it myself or it will be 2010 before I get the fucking SAM out of my driveway. And then there's the question of what to do with all the stuff -- it seems terribly wasteful to throw it out -- its all in good condition, but what does one do with 27 boxes of books? Or 4 boxes of old maps (no, I'm not fucking kidding)? My plan is to answer these questions and reclaim my driveway. And it would be great if I could get it done by the end of May.

3. Be timely in acknowledging life events
I am TERRIBLE at remembering birthdays and shit. I mean fucking awful. I don't really forget them, I just forget to send cards (even when I remember to buy them) or forget to call to actually say happy birthday. In other words, I am the queen of the belated birthday card and present. This isn't a big deal with my grown-up friends, but with my nieces and nephews, it's pretty shitty, right? So, I resolve to be on time this year, at least with the kids. Step one will be adding all the dates to my Outlook calendar, which will then send my reminders!! First up, Mom on January 16.

4. Cook more; take out less.
Somewhat related to number 1, I've decided that while take-out is simple, its not particularly good for you. And kind of expensive too. So, more home-cooked meals are on the agenda. I started the year out really good actually -- with the exception of New Years Day, no take out. And for me, that's monumental -- seriously, no take out on a Saturday night at home? I've amazed even myself. This is all thanks to a little gift I bought myself (can you say crock-pot people?); hopefully I can keep it up.

5. Break the procrastination habit
I procrastinate. I do. And I can't help it (ok, that's a cop out, but you get my drift). I will often think to myself, no need to do that today, there will be time tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and I say the same thing and next thing I know, I'm working until 3AM because I didn't get shit done earlier. Or I'm scrambling to get an overly long to do list done during a long weekend when I could otherwise be relaxing. Or, I'm calling my 6 year old nephew a week late to say happy birthday (see resolution #3). So, no more of that crap. Starting today, I will be more mindful of my time. Because outlook is half the battle, right. If I believe there is time to get things done today and choose to do those things today, then there is the time and nothing has to wait until tomorrow. Or something like that. I'm working on it.

And finally, # 6 -- do actual work when actually at work. This one obviously is going to take some effort since I'm actually at work right now. ;)

Jersey Does It Again

2008-12-17T22:52:00.001-05:00

Well it looks like I will have to wait even longer to check out the hottest little restaurant in lil 'ole montclair, new jersey. And that's because its owner and chef has now won 2 eliminations challenges in a row plus a quick fire challenge (judged by none other than jersey's own martha!!). If she manages to win the elimination challenge tonight too (watching as I write this), well I'd better make the reservation now for my birthday. At the end of February.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Jamaica mon!

2008-12-10T11:37:00.004-05:00

In just over 24 hours from now I will be sipping a cocktail on the beach at the Ritz-fucking-Carlton in Montego Bay. Of course, between now and then, I've got to finish a couple of memos, review a complaint, gather the depositions I have to read on the flight, arrange for a pet sitter, take out the trash, do the dishes (I fucking hate coming home to housework), pack (which is a hell all of its own), and figure out how the hell I'm getting to the airport. Yes, I realize this isn't that bad considering a Jamaica trip follows the madness (a trip which, I should add, is being paid for almost entirely by my firm), but still. As I said in response to a friend's blog post earlier today, I wish I had a personal assistant.

A Little Screwed

2008-12-03T23:12:00.001-05:00

If you've stopped by to visit recently, you would have "heard" me rant about a particular little chef who owns a particular little restaurant in a particular little town in a relatively small state (yeah, that would be Jersey. Duh. Did you read the intro to this blog?). Well...this particular little chef, who also happens to be on this particular little TV show, was actually kind of stinking it up on the tellee for two weeks running. Like I said.

And then last week, she pulls out a juicy and tasty Thanksgiving turkey. Using a fucking toaster oven, no less. And while she doesn't win, she does get big fat praise from the judges. And I start thinking...crap. I should probably get on making that rez. But of course I don't. Because it's not enough that I've got a crazy job, I've got to add random party planning and shit to the list. So, like I was saying...rez doesn't get made. But so what, right? How many people have even heard of Montclair, NJ, right?

And then fucking TaNIGHT. The fucking bitch has to go and win the god damn Today Show challenge. Not any regular old run-of-the-mill fucking challenge, no! The TODAY SHOW CHALLENGE. And with a freaking caprese salad of all things (my favorite. figures.). And I think, "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck." ( while, of course, also being silently proud as hell of my ass kicking "old lady" Jersey girl!!! - her words not mine)

Now, I'm not upset that she won with a salad. More power to her -- hell, that was a crazy smart decision (Um, let's see....I've got 2 1/2 minutes to present a dish...what do I make? Ummm, duh, salad! And c'mon, who doesn't like 'muzzarel' & tomato, especially when there are tasty ass Jersey tomatoes involved?) My problem isn't that she made a salad. It's that those dumbass bitches on the Today Show picked a salad to win. Cause now Ariane is going to be on the fucking Today Show with lord knows how many people watching (and that's not even counting myself) and I'm thinkg she's prob.abaly going to mention her particular little restaurant, which just happens to be a mere 17 fucking miles from the fucking Today Show studio. Great. Just great. If it was hard to get a reservation before, it will be fucking impossible now. So yeah. I think I may be a particularly little bit screwed.

Crazy Family Shit

2008-12-01T10:57:00.004-05:00

I never really thought about hanging out a shingle to do family law (i.e. divorce, custody, other shit having to do with kids, etc...), but a couple of new decisions in NJ have made me think otherwise...

1. Smith v. Smith, Hudson County

From the 12/1/08 NJ Law Journal Daily Briefing:
EXES CAN SUE OVER RUINED TIES TO COUPLE'S CHILDREN For the first time in New Jersey, a judge has recognized the right of parents to collect damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress when their relationships with their children are poisoned by former spouses. The issue in the Hudson County case, Smith v. Smith, is whether the emotional distress claim was a disguised complaint for alienation of affections, a cause of action New Jersey abolished in 1935. Superior Court Judge Maurice Gallipoli ruled the emotional distress claim is separate and distinct. His ruling sets up a possible Appellate Division showdown, since a Morris County judge made an opposite ruling in August on similar facts.

So, this means that when your ex turns your kids against you by telling them you are a lousy mother, father, whateverthefuck -- so long is it "distresses" you "emotionally" you can sue the bastard (or bitch, as the case may be). Ok, there's a little more to it than that, but still...sounds like some family attorneys are about to get ritch bitch. ;) And I'm thinking maybe I should get in on the action. Because there's no way the average joe (or jane) is going to be able to prove one of these cases without professional assistance.

2. A.G.R. v. Brisman, Monmouth County

More from the NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing:
SUIT GOES FORWARD AGAINST LAWYER AND DOCTOR OVER SURROGATE-MOTHER PACT
A civil suit in Monmouth County tests the potential liability of professionals who set up surrogacy arrangements, an issue left undecided in Baby M. In A.G.R. v. Brisman, a woman who first agreed to give up her offspring but had a change of heart is suing the lawyer who set up the surrogate parenting arrangement and the doctor who handled the medical procedure. The suit, which includes counts of civil conspiracy, legal and medical malpractice and fraud, cleared its first hurdle when a judge denied a defense motion to dismiss for failure to state a cause of action.

OK - now this is not your typical family law case, since it involves malpractice and fraud claims and shit, but its in the same genre, or close enough anyway. Surrogacy is a "family" issue, right? And the best thing about this case (especially compared to the boo hoo you turned my kids against me case) is that this one involves defendants with deep pocket -- in other words, here's another potential troth from which we fiends can feed -- the malpractice insurers behind the doctors and lawyers who set up these surrogacy contracts. I'm kind of surprised the judge let this one pass -- cause really, where's the malpractice if the surrogate got to do what she wanted to do anyway? -- but I haven't read the case and besides, he's the judge. So if he says there's a cause of action, then until someone higher up calls him out, there's a cause of action. And potential for some money-making-money-money-making. ;) Where do I sign up?

Reservation for Two Please

2008-11-19T23:00:00.003-05:00

Ok. So its Top Chef NYC, Elimination night #2. Ariane Duarte, owner of CulinAriane in Montclair, NJ, is still standing. Barely.

For the second week in a row, Duarte has been in the bottom three. Tonight, it was as of a result of her Lemon Meringue Martini with Cherry Surprise, or whatever the fuck it was called. In explaining why the dish sucked, she actually said that they have this on the menu at her restaurant. A restaurant which, I might add, has quite a good reputation in the 'clair. It's so well regarded, in fact, that a friend of mine actually expressed dismay after learning that Duarte was on Top Chef because, as she put it, it was going to be even harder to get a reservation at CulinAriane then it already was. So yeah, the place is supposedly pretty effin good. Of course, I've never eaten there, but I've been meaning too. But obviously it's not one of those, hey, let's go grab a bite at yada-yada kind of places. (and did I mention that the joint is also one of the priciest in town?)

Anyway -- this meringue/surprise-dealy was apparently so fucking sweet that Padma (don't even think about asking me what she was wearing, cause I don't remember; or ccare; well maybe I care a little and I could check the DVR but is there really a need for more than one blog entry about what Padma's wearing?) What was I saying. Oh yeah, Padma actually spit the offending dessert out in her napkin! Right there at Craft. She might even have called it "violently sweet" (but that might be for some other as yet to come awful dessert). You'd think that if the biatch makes the dish every day at her own restaurant, that she'd be able to reproduce it. Right? Right? Cause - fucking excuse me - but I don't own a fucking restaurant, in fact I almost never cook, and there are dishes even I can reproduce in a heart beat.

The fact that this supposed Top Chef couldn't do what I can (and I'm not all that good of a cook to begin with) makes me wonder if I should even bother going to her restaurant. I'm sure that's a totally unfair jump to make -- from one or two bad dishes on some crazy reality TV competition show to over-rated restaurant -- I'm sure the food at CulinAriane is as good as it has been reported to be -- and it's much more likely that the multiple fuck ups are a result of nerves, or editing or timing or whatever-the-fuck, and not because Miss Thing can't cook. But, still, Duarte is not looking too good on the tellee. Two bad finishes in a row is never good.

And it's not just her cooking that isn't looking too hot. She's coming off as kind of a bitch. And a whiner. Of course, she's from jersey so i guess I should've expected that (well, not the whiner part -- we're usually a little more thick skinned around here -- I mean seriously - suck it up.) But bitchy -- duh, bitchy runs in the blood 'round here. Still, they didn't have to make the jersey girl the bitch. It's so cliche.

But whatever, Duarte's not doing much good for herself (or jersey girls -- hell. llo.) and she's probably not doing her restaurant much good either. Granted, I don't think they've referenced CulinAriane since last week (at least not out loud), but, COME. ON. if you owned a restaurant. And you were on Top Chef. And you made a total failure of a dessert. Would you really admit that you sell the SAME dessert in your restaurant? Really? Cause I sure as hell wouldn't. Lord knows who's watching. C'mon lady, You. Are. On TV. All the time. And they can do whatever they want with your image -- do you really need to give them ammunition? Because maybe the average Bravo TV watcher could give a shit about some tiny-ass-little-joint in some no-one's-ever-heard-of-it jersey suburb, but you can bet your ass that folks around here are sure-as-shit watching. And that can't be a good thing. (This is Jersey after all. Like I said, bitchy runs in the blood here and it's no secret that we're all a bunch of retched bitches just waiting to talk smack about someone.) Then again, maybe it is a good thing. Well, maybe not for Duarte and her restaurant. But it could definitely be a good thing for me because then maybe I could get a fucking table at a normal dinner hour sometime before next year. So, hell, bring on the smack talking Jersey. And everyone else for that matter. Cause I just HAVE to try Lemon Meringue Martini, Vanilla Wafer Crust, Cherry Surprise. Even if Padma hated it. Maybe even because Padma hated it.

Justice for All?

2008-11-11T10:41:00.003-05:00

From today's NJ Lawyer Daily Briefing...

LET THEM EAT JUSTICE!
Philadelphia attorney Paul Rosen thought that it was the kind of concept everybody could get behind, so he persuaded his law firm's charitable foundation to fund a 38-foot-long mural depicting Justice, leased a wall in historic, tourist-friendly Rittenhouse Square and commissioned an artist to develop the concept. Philadelphia is, after all, the city of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, is it not? Its Mural Arts Program is celebrating 25 years, with more than 2,800 murals citywide. The thing Rosen didn't count on was the ironic reasoning the area's wealthy and powerful would use to oppose the idea. Said one, architect David Traub, murals with "tremendous visual impact" don't belong in a place like Rittenhouse, which belongs to the whole city. They belong in low-income communities like Mantua, where "only the neighborhood people are generally concerned." Umm, okay. Rosen said he's pressing ahead with the project anyway and expects to have it done in time for Christmas.

So who the fuck is this David Traub anyway? Other than being an asshole, he doesn't seem to have much going for him. Hell, you get more info if you google my name than if you google his -- apparently his architecture "firm" doesn't even have a website (because really, if google can't find your site, you either don't have one or you might as well not fucking have one) so he's hardly of great stature in that community. And even if he were the most famous and well-respected architect in the world, where does he get off talking about what is important to the "whole city" of Phili? Does he not know what the idea of justice stands for? Does he not get how totally insulting and imbecilic his comments were? Or maybe it's just that the Phili rich don't want (or deserve) justice. Whatever it is, I hope someday to be able to lease the side of the building in which Mr. Traub lives so I can commission a mural. I will call if "Traub is an Asshole". Or is that not of interest to enough people?

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

2008-11-05T17:45:00.001-05:00

'nuff said.

VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-04T00:01:00.000-05:00

Its finally Election Day people. So go fucking vote. For Obama (wish I could say I want everyone to vote, but really I don't; I actually hope the McCain and -choke me- Palin supporters decide to stay home).

I hope (and am trying very hard to stay positive and believe) that in about 12 hours I will be one of the happiest people on the planet. And probably drunk.

GOBAMA!!!

Listserv Idiocy

2008-10-31T14:16:00.001-04:00

I'm on an Obama Listserv for Jersey. The traffic up until today has been light...a notice now and again. A call for volunteers about once a week, but generally very very light traffic. Today, however, as people are really starting to get involved, the traffic has increased. Dramatically. I expected this. Having been on lord knows how many listservs, I know they have high and low periods. The problem is that there are untold numbers of people on this listserv who are, quite plainly, a bunch of fucking morons!! Despite the "to unsubscribe" language in EVERY email and despite the specific instructions sent as separate emails to the whole list, I continue to receive emails from people asking to be removed. Ummm, excuse me dipshit, but FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS. These idiots are complaining about the number of emails they get and yet keep sending fucking emails. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

For [insert god's name]'s Sake

2008-10-31T11:03:00.001-04:00

From the 10/31/08 NJL Daily Briefing:

THE UNIVERSE PLAYS DICE WITH GOD
Choosing the right benediction is a tricky thing for a public entity. Take the Cobb County, Ga., County Commission and its corresponding Planning Commission. Both commissions had a long tradition of opening their meetings with a prayer. Both have invited various clergy to offer the prayers, for the most part but not exclusively Christian, and in both cases the clergy have incorporated specific tenets of their religious beliefs and invoked God in the particular name, such as Jesus or Allah, used by their fellow believers. Seven local taxpayers sued to stop the practice by both commissions, saying the U.S. Constitution permits only nonsectarian prayers. But first a federal district court and now the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decided the County Commission had not violated the establishment clause, while the Planning Commission had. Why? Because the former appeared to choose speakers at random from lists in the Yellow Pages, yet the latter - while it used the Yellow Pages - seemed to shy away from certain sects. So, invoking God in other words is just fine, as long as the god is absolutely random! You can read the full line of argument at www.ca11.uscourts.gov/opinions/ops/200713611.pdf. 10-31-08

Too Much of a Good Thing?

2008-10-29T10:49:00.009-04:00

On occasion, I've been known to take my clothes to this lovely little laundromat around the corner from my house for the "fluff-n-fold" service (for all you dirty minds out there, it's not that kind of fluffing). I do this even though I have a perfectly functional washer and dryer in my home -- machines I spent good money for when I purchased the home 4 years ago. Usually my excuse for paying 90 cents a pound for someone else to do my laundry, when I could obviously do it for myself, is that I don't have the time to do it myself (and because sometimes happy hour is more important than saving a few bucks for clean jeans) and this is sometimes true and sometimes my own rationalization for spending money somewhat frivolously when people around me are losing their jobs. On a few occasions I have a real reason -- i.e. the item needing washing won't fit in my washer and so I need the use of an industrial sized machine. Then the whole "I don't have the time" story really becomes true -- I mean seriously, who has the time to sit in a laundromat to wash ONE item? OK - maybe I could make the time, but considering the ridiculous hours I work sometimes, I would so much rather be doing something else. So, call me spoiled, but whatever.

So anyway, this morning I stopped in this lovely little laundromat to drop off my (fake) down comforter (no bird was harmed in the making of this item) which, having been in storage since last winter (yeah that's right, its winter bitches -- or at least it was last night), needs some freshening. Now granted, I haven't been there in a while, but this morning I realize I might use the place too much because the girl who weighs your clothes and gives you your receipt said to me "Good morning 'stina." (ok, she didn't say 'stina, since only d-bud actually calls me that, but she did know my actual name). Of course, she also said my king-size comforter would be ready by 6PM even though based on the number of laundry bags in line I probably should have had to wait until tomorrow. Which means I won't have to pile on extra blankets when the temperature drops below freezing tonight and instead I'll be able to snuggle up in my freshly laundered comfy-as-hell comforter. And sorry, but that's worth 90 cents a pound. Fuck, that's worth a hell of lot more than that. And if that makes me spoiled, well, then call me fucking princess. I figure fuck it, I'm already a latte-drinking-east-coast-liberal-elitist, might as well add spoiled to the moniker. ;)

I Heart the Crockett County Sheriff's Office

2008-10-27T17:20:00.007-04:00

Mother fucker. Obama isn't even President (YET!) and already he's a target. At least until the Crockett County Sheriff's Department stepped in. Way to go boys!!

As for the scumbags who thought their skin color made them superior, I hope you get fucking raped in jail by a big ass black man with a fat ass cock. I know, I know, that's crazy harsh and pretty fucking hateful, especially for me (I'm usually a very peaceful person) but ya know what, on this one topic, I don't care. Neo-Nazis are a blight upon the earth if you ask me and they deserve whatever they get.

First Black President

2008-10-27T10:55:00.003-04:00

Last weekend I was campaigning for Obama in this lovely little Pennsylvania town. One of the people I met while going door-to-door was a kind elderly gentleman who told me, in no uncertain terms, that he was an Obama supporter through and through. He also told me not to bother knocking on his neighbors' door because while they were all registered life-long Dems, they were also all a bunch of, and I quote, "fucking racists." Being the good canvasser I am, I knocked on the neighbors' doors anyway and while not one of them said, outright, they wouldn't vote for Obama because of his race, all of them claimed to be "undecided" for reasons they could not articulate. WTF?? One bitch even shut the door right in my face without even answering the question of why she was undecided. Sorry, but if you're an undecided voter, I'm going to think you're a big fat fucking racist unless you can verbalize for me one policy-based reason why you are undecided. I'm not asking for the world here people, just one little reason, Hell, if you were smart you'd make some shit up so people like me don't think you're a big fat fucking racist. But, then again, if you were smart you wouldn't be a racist in the first place.

So anyway... to all those fucked up "undecided" (i.e. racist) voters out there, I give you David Allen Grier:

Persepolis

2008-10-14T12:04:00.003-04:00

If you haven't already, see this movie!!!

The Wikipedia synopsis: Persepolis is a 2007 animated film based on Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel of the same name...The story follows a young girl as she comes of age against the backdrop of the Iranian Revolution, which goes horribly wrong with Islamic fundamentalists taking power and creating a new theocratic tyranny themselves.

Giving Natural Blondes Everywhere a Bad Name

2008-10-10T11:18:00.004-04:00

There are stupid lawsuits, and then there are really stupid lawsuits.

This one takes the cake: a woman sues L'Oreal because she (supposedly) accidentally died her hair brown while "touching up" her "naturally blonde hair." Puh-leeze. Natural blondes just aren't this dumb -- it's the fake-ass bottle blondes who give us all a bad name. Stupid bitch. I mean, seriously, COME. ON. What true blonde do you know needs to "touch up" her hair color with some cheap-ass-pharmacy-bought dye in a box? I've been blonde all my life and never once felt the need to do a "touch up" from a box/bottle. The sun is "touch up" enough for me; besides, which, I would never ever trust my hair (which is fucking gorgeous if I do say so myself) to a friend using something out of a box. Hel.lo. that's why god invested colorists. And besides, are this chick and her friend blind too? because one of them should have noticed that the shit they were putting on her hair was DARK. If you are too dumb to know that brown hair dye is dark and blonde hair dye is not, then you are too dumb to be dying your hair at home. And, don't even get me started on the claim that she can't get it back to her natural color. Fuckin' please. That has to be the biggest bunch of shit I've heard all damn day. I could dye my hair black today, and in a few weeks I could dye it right back to blonde. Granted, I couldn't do it with shit from CVS, but again, that's why god invested colorists.

But at least justice worked and the judge was smart enough to toss the case out. Judge Gilardi must be a natural.

Anyone care for a...line?

2008-10-08T12:12:00.003-04:00

From the New Jersey Lawyer Daily Briefing (10/8/08):

Jogging? Transcendental meditation? Get real. The Times of London previews a study out this week that shows when the going gets tough for British lawyers, they turn directly to alcohol and hard drugs. The professional support group LawCare estimates 30 percent of male lawyers and 20 percent of female lawyers drink to excess, and drug use is fighting to catch up. Says LawCare's Hilary Tilby, "Once, after dinner you'd be offered After Eights - now it's the mirror with lines of cocaine." Legal Business magazine heard tell that partners call their connections directly from their office and pick up the deliveries at the reception desk. Some firms have "cocaine clubs" where clients and their attorneys play poker and take drugs together. As one lawyer told it, "I spanked £100,000 on cocaine in one year and no one noticed. The legal profession, unlike other classic professions such as medicine and teaching, does not give a damn, as long as you are profitable." And what are the firms in Big Law U.K. doing to address this problem? Legal Business did a survey but the results were spotty. Half the firms said they did at least have a formal drug policy. But 84 percent said they did not do any random drug-testing ... and the other 16 percent refused to answer.

And now we know why bar associations always hold wine tastings.

Here We Go...

2008-10-02T21:00:00.006-04:00

Palin and Biden are about to take the stage.
Gwen Ifill is making introductions and explaining the rules.
This ought to be interesting, if nothing else.

Go Joe Go!!!!

UPDATE: If that bitch says "darn" one more fucking time, I might have to stab myself in the ear. And, what the fuck is this -- she's gonna answer the question she wants no matter what the moderator wants? God I can't fucking stand her.

UPDATE #2: Ok, so she isn't tanking as bad as I had hoped she would, but it painful to listen to. But that's because she's a big fat fucking liar. And only barely answering the questions asked. And is trying too hard to be folksy. I mean, really, could she be a little more cliche, with the "darn" and "folks" and blah, fucking blah.

UPDATE #3: I. FUCKING. HATE. HER. She can't answer a question. Hell, she can't even understand the fucking questions. Asked whether her lack of experience was her worst Achilles heel, she went on about how her "experience as an executive" would help her if she was VP. WHAT? Not much humility there. And asked whether she ever changed a position on something she said she once didn't veto a budget? And no, she never had to compromise her psotions because they work together up in Alaska? Does she not even see how cunty that is to say? If you're working together then surely you have to compromise sometimes. Sometiimes you have to change positon. If she never had to change then there wasn't 'working togehter' there was doing what little miss bitchy wants. AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

As I read somewhere on the web earlier...sweet zombie jesus help us if Palin becomes VP.

Countdown to Hilarity

2008-09-30T12:37:00.003-04:00

What with health care reform helping the economy (Thank you Ms. Palin) and FDR discussing the stock market crash on TV in 1929 (Thank you Mr. Biden), the VP debate scheduled to happen in a couple of days could turn out to be the most entertaining of all debates, ever, anywhere. It could equally turn out to be disheartening (please oh please don't let Biden fuck this up) and sad (I'm no Palin fan, but even I don't want to see her completely embarrassed) but I'm gonna root for entertaining, cause in these fucked up times, I could use a good laugh.

Of course, this is all assuming Johnny boy and his crew don't come up with some lame excuse to keep Palin away. Which would really be a shame -- it might help Barry O, so I should probably hope for that to happen, but it won't be fun to watch without our little Alaskan beauty queen and her mixed talking points. Not to mention the potential for another Biden gaffe.

And really, isn't it about time politics were fun? ;)

I See Dumb People

2008-09-25T16:36:00.005-04:00

"Ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up the economy."

Sarah Palin responding to Katie Couric's question about the bailout (hear it for yourself).

Normally I wouldn't make fun of retarded people, but COME. ON. Is this woman really that dumb? Because I heard that comment and immediately thought, huh? Oh please oh please let the debates go forward, because I could really use a good laugh.