Friday, May 29, 2009

Happiness is a Dior habdbag

Two months ago I was forced to transfer from my laid back easy going NJ-based office to the workaholic land of my firm's NYC office. Well maybe not technically forced -- I did have a choice: transfer to NYC or get laid off. So, not technically forced but practically.

Anyway, since the transfer, my life has been an unpredictable mess -- some days I've wanted to pull my own hair out as a result of overpowering boredom. Other days I've wanted to cry from the sheer exhaustion caused by 16 hour days. And then there are the days that I get to revel in the glow cast by my uber-famous (at least in the legal world) champion of liberal causes boss. On those days, the exhaustion recedes and the light shines, if only for a brief moment.

Not that it's all that bad or anything. I've actually been quite lucky. I'm ridiculously well paid. The people I work with are pretty damn decent and the people I work for don't suck. So I've got it better than most (professionally speaking at least). But, having had to give up my last two weekends (or at least part of them) and expecting to give up part of the upcoming weekend, at the whim of some amorphous 'client,' not to mention not expecting to see the light of day for a couple of weeks, has gotten me thinking that perhaps its time for a change and I don't mean a 'ooh I'll go to another firm' change; I mean a maybe its time to get the hell out of the law game altogether kind of change.

The lightening quick passage of time isn't helping. Just yesterday I was a bright-eyed eager law student, ignorant of the realities incumbent upon my law school attendance and later legal career. Blink your eyes and BAM! I'm pushing 40 and wondering if maybe I made the wrong decision all those years ago. So, yeah, it may be time to make some hard choices. And the prospect is scary as hell. Mostly because, quite honestly, I've grown accustomed to my standard of living.

I know money isn't everything, and in the "big picture" means very little, but there's something to be said for financial stability -- I spent the better part of my life without it so I know what I'm talking about. Fuck. Everyone knows struggling sucks. Its comforting not having to worry how the mortgage will get paid. It's nice being able to go on vacation every year. Money may not buy happiness but it'll buy you a fucking hot ass Dior bag to make you forget your troubles.

So... Change. Choices. Easier said than done. For now, me and my Dior bag will be staying put.


~K said...

What's Dior?

Michelle said...

I completely get where you are coming from, my friend. I'm in the same conundrum. I am well paid, but unhappy. I am so stressed that I have zits like I did as a teenager. I haven't seen the light of day for weeks (and I work from home). My relationships with my friends and family have been strained, I fall into bed exhausted and unappreciated, and the people I work for are utter morons. It's time to shit or get off the pot, so to speak. I feel the winds of change coming soon, and although I probably won't make as much money, I'll have my sanity. That's worth a whole hell of a lot more than to me than my horrible fucking job. Just think of the time you'll have recouped working a "normal" job! Can you do consulting? Make your own hours?

'stina said...

Oh, ~K, Dior, as is the House of Dior, Christian Dior, fashion icon, Dior. But you're a boy so it's OK. :)

And Michelle, if I could have flexibility that would make a huge difference, but I don't. Never will. Looking at a bunch of different options. Not going anywhere for at least a year, unless I have a total breakdown, of course, or win the lottery, but it's decided that I can't stay where I am. Unless they make some new rules just for me.