Listserv Idiocy

I'm on an Obama Listserv for Jersey. The traffic up until today has been light...a notice now and again. A call for volunteers about once a week, but generally very very light traffic. Today, however, as people are really starting to get involved, the traffic has increased. Dramatically. I expected this. Having been on lord knows how many listservs, I know they have high and low periods. The problem is that there are untold numbers of people on this listserv who are, quite plainly, a bunch of fucking morons!! Despite the "to unsubscribe" language in EVERY email and despite the specific instructions sent as separate emails to the whole list, I continue to receive emails from people asking to be removed. Ummm, excuse me dipshit, but FOLLOW THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS. These idiots are complaining about the number of emails they get and yet keep sending fucking emails. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

For [insert god's name]'s Sake

From the 10/31/08 NJL Daily Briefing:

THE UNIVERSE PLAYS DICE WITH GOD
Choosing the right benediction is a tricky thing for a public entity. Take the Cobb County, Ga., County Commission and its corresponding Planning Commission. Both commissions had a long tradition of opening their meetings with a prayer. Both have invited various clergy to offer the prayers, for the most part but not exclusively Christian, and in both cases the clergy have incorporated specific tenets of their religious beliefs and invoked God in the particular name, such as Jesus or Allah, used by their fellow believers. Seven local taxpayers sued to stop the practice by both commissions, saying the U.S. Constitution permits only nonsectarian prayers. But first a federal district court and now the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals decided the County Commission had not violated the establishment clause, while the Planning Commission had. Why? Because the former appeared to choose speakers at random from lists in the Yellow Pages, yet the latter - while it used the Yellow Pages - seemed to shy away from certain sects. So, invoking God in other words is just fine, as long as the god is absolutely random! You can read the full line of argument at www.ca11.uscourts.gov/opinions/ops/200713611.pdf. 10-31-08

Too Much of a Good Thing?

On occasion, I've been known to take my clothes to this lovely little laundromat around the corner from my house for the "fluff-n-fold" service (for all you dirty minds out there, it's not that kind of fluffing). I do this even though I have a perfectly functional washer and dryer in my home -- machines I spent good money for when I purchased the home 4 years ago. Usually my excuse for paying 90 cents a pound for someone else to do my laundry, when I could obviously do it for myself, is that I don't have the time to do it myself (and because sometimes happy hour is more important than saving a few bucks for clean jeans) and this is sometimes true and sometimes my own rationalization for spending money somewhat frivolously when people around me are losing their jobs. On a few occasions I have a real reason -- i.e. the item needing washing won't fit in my washer and so I need the use of an industrial sized machine. Then the whole "I don't have the time" story really becomes true -- I mean seriously, who has the time to sit in a laundromat to wash ONE item? OK - maybe I could make the time, but considering the ridiculous hours I work sometimes, I would so much rather be doing something else. So, call me spoiled, but whatever.

So anyway, this morning I stopped in this lovely little laundromat to drop off my (fake) down comforter (no bird was harmed in the making of this item) which, having been in storage since last winter (yeah that's right, its winter bitches -- or at least it was last night), needs some freshening. Now granted, I haven't been there in a while, but this morning I realize I might use the place too much because the girl who weighs your clothes and gives you your receipt said to me "Good morning 'stina." (ok, she didn't say 'stina, since only d-bud actually calls me that, but she did know my actual name). Of course, she also said my king-size comforter would be ready by 6PM even though based on the number of laundry bags in line I probably should have had to wait until tomorrow. Which means I won't have to pile on extra blankets when the temperature drops below freezing tonight and instead I'll be able to snuggle up in my freshly laundered comfy-as-hell comforter. And sorry, but that's worth 90 cents a pound. Fuck, that's worth a hell of lot more than that. And if that makes me spoiled, well, then call me fucking princess. I figure fuck it, I'm already a latte-drinking-east-coast-liberal-elitist, might as well add spoiled to the moniker. ;)

I Heart the Crockett County Sheriff's Office

Mother fucker. Obama isn't even President (YET!) and already he's a target. At least until the Crockett County Sheriff's Department stepped in. Way to go boys!!

As for the scumbags who thought their skin color made them superior, I hope you get fucking raped in jail by a big ass black man with a fat ass cock. I know, I know, that's crazy harsh and pretty fucking hateful, especially for me (I'm usually a very peaceful person) but ya know what, on this one topic, I don't care. Neo-Nazis are a blight upon the earth if you ask me and they deserve whatever they get.

First Black President

Last weekend I was campaigning for Obama in this lovely little Pennsylvania town. One of the people I met while going door-to-door was a kind elderly gentleman who told me, in no uncertain terms, that he was an Obama supporter through and through. He also told me not to bother knocking on his neighbors' door because while they were all registered life-long Dems, they were also all a bunch of, and I quote, "fucking racists." Being the good canvasser I am, I knocked on the neighbors' doors anyway and while not one of them said, outright, they wouldn't vote for Obama because of his race, all of them claimed to be "undecided" for reasons they could not articulate. WTF?? One bitch even shut the door right in my face without even answering the question of why she was undecided. Sorry, but if you're an undecided voter, I'm going to think you're a big fat fucking racist unless you can verbalize for me one policy-based reason why you are undecided. I'm not asking for the world here people, just one little reason, Hell, if you were smart you'd make some shit up so people like me don't think you're a big fat fucking racist. But, then again, if you were smart you wouldn't be a racist in the first place.

So anyway... to all those fucked up "undecided" (i.e. racist) voters out there, I give you David Allen Grier:

Persepolis

If you haven't already, see this movie!!!

The Wikipedia synopsis: Persepolis is a 2007 animated film based on Marjane Satrapi's autobiographical graphic novel of the same name...The story follows a young girl as she comes of age against the backdrop of the Iranian Revolution, which goes horribly wrong with Islamic fundamentalists taking power and creating a new theocratic tyranny themselves.

Giving Natural Blondes Everywhere a Bad Name

There are stupid lawsuits, and then there are really stupid lawsuits.

This one takes the cake: a woman sues L'Oreal because she (supposedly) accidentally died her hair brown while "touching up" her "naturally blonde hair." Puh-leeze. Natural blondes just aren't this dumb -- it's the fake-ass bottle blondes who give us all a bad name. Stupid bitch. I mean, seriously, COME. ON. What true blonde do you know needs to "touch up" her hair color with some cheap-ass-pharmacy-bought dye in a box? I've been blonde all my life and never once felt the need to do a "touch up" from a box/bottle. The sun is "touch up" enough for me; besides, which, I would never ever trust my hair (which is fucking gorgeous if I do say so myself) to a friend using something out of a box. Hel.lo. that's why god invested colorists. And besides, are this chick and her friend blind too? because one of them should have noticed that the shit they were putting on her hair was DARK. If you are too dumb to know that brown hair dye is dark and blonde hair dye is not, then you are too dumb to be dying your hair at home. And, don't even get me started on the claim that she can't get it back to her natural color. Fuckin' please. That has to be the biggest bunch of shit I've heard all damn day. I could dye my hair black today, and in a few weeks I could dye it right back to blonde. Granted, I couldn't do it with shit from CVS, but again, that's why god invested colorists.

But at least justice worked and the judge was smart enough to toss the case out. Judge Gilardi must be a natural.

Anyone care for a...line?

From the New Jersey Lawyer Daily Briefing (10/8/08):

Jogging? Transcendental meditation? Get real. The Times of London previews a study out this week that shows when the going gets tough for British lawyers, they turn directly to alcohol and hard drugs. The professional support group LawCare estimates 30 percent of male lawyers and 20 percent of female lawyers drink to excess, and drug use is fighting to catch up. Says LawCare's Hilary Tilby, "Once, after dinner you'd be offered After Eights - now it's the mirror with lines of cocaine." Legal Business magazine heard tell that partners call their connections directly from their office and pick up the deliveries at the reception desk. Some firms have "cocaine clubs" where clients and their attorneys play poker and take drugs together. As one lawyer told it, "I spanked £100,000 on cocaine in one year and no one noticed. The legal profession, unlike other classic professions such as medicine and teaching, does not give a damn, as long as you are profitable." And what are the firms in Big Law U.K. doing to address this problem? Legal Business did a survey but the results were spotty. Half the firms said they did at least have a formal drug policy. But 84 percent said they did not do any random drug-testing ... and the other 16 percent refused to answer.

And now we know why bar associations always hold wine tastings.

Here We Go...

Palin and Biden are about to take the stage.
Gwen Ifill is making introductions and explaining the rules.
This ought to be interesting, if nothing else.

Go Joe Go!!!!

UPDATE: If that bitch says "darn" one more fucking time, I might have to stab myself in the ear. And, what the fuck is this -- she's gonna answer the question she wants no matter what the moderator wants? God I can't fucking stand her.

UPDATE #2: Ok, so she isn't tanking as bad as I had hoped she would, but it painful to listen to. But that's because she's a big fat fucking liar. And only barely answering the questions asked. And is trying too hard to be folksy. I mean, really, could she be a little more cliche, with the "darn" and "folks" and blah, fucking blah.

UPDATE #3: I. FUCKING. HATE. HER. She can't answer a question. Hell, she can't even understand the fucking questions. Asked whether her lack of experience was her worst Achilles heel, she went on about how her "experience as an executive" would help her if she was VP. WHAT? Not much humility there. And asked whether she ever changed a position on something she said she once didn't veto a budget? And no, she never had to compromise her psotions because they work together up in Alaska? Does she not even see how cunty that is to say? If you're working together then surely you have to compromise sometimes. Sometiimes you have to change positon. If she never had to change then there wasn't 'working togehter' there was doing what little miss bitchy wants. AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

As I read somewhere on the web earlier...sweet zombie jesus help us if Palin becomes VP.