An Open Letter to the Colonel

I used to be quite a fan of your fried chicken, until about 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with celiac disease. The I saw the ad for your new grilled chicken and for a brief moment I was pretty damn excited. (I'm not a huge fast-fooder but sometimes a girls gotta go what a girls gotta do, right?) So there I am, watching the ad, and for that moment I actually did "unthink" what I think of KFC. But then I saw that the product unnecessarily contains wheat, and therefore gluten, and I was quickly disappointed. There are plenty of quality substitutes for the nauseating wheat-containing ingredients you use, if only you would take the time to do your homework. And I simply do not understand why you would use a known allergen in a fucking GRILLED product. Are you all a bunch of idiots? Do you not understand that you are missing out on taking money out of the pockets of as many as 3 million Americans, not to mention untold numbers of persons around the world -- many of whom would be happy as hell, jump for joy, all that shit, crazy excited over the opportunity to have a place to go for a quick chicken meal, without the worry of being fucking poisoned by gluten. Like the smiling dancing people in your ad. Hell, I would have been one of those people. And I possibly would have been so happy to able to get a dam piece of unfucked up chicken that I probably would have waited for the the slow ass motherfuckers in the my local KFC to take their sweet ass time getting me my non-poisonous chicken. And even after it had taken 37 minutes to get a bucket of grilled chicken, in a fucking fast food joint, with only 5 customers in it, I wouldn't even have been pissed, knowing I could have got faster service in a fucking diner, no. Because who gives a shit about 30 minutes when the chance to live like the average American is upon us? Nope, not mad at all -- I would have taken my yummy ass chicken and thanked the nice lady for slowing the pace of my overworked life.

But no, you had to go fuck it all up and use a fucking wheat based product on a piece of grilled meat. Guess I'll just have to keep giving my money to Chick-fil-A when I'm in a rush. If I was you, I'd figure out who the moron is behind the gluten-is-no-biggie decision, and fire 'em. The dumbass.

Catching Up

I've spent the better part of the last two hours going back and reading my old posts (I'm really really bored at work) and I've come to realize one major thing -- I used to be way more funny and so much less serious. Seriously. I discovered that my earlier posts were actually about me, and not just my opinion on things happening to other people. Granted, I probably didn't need to go back through the old posts to know that, but still... I also realized that I've barely breathed a word about myself in 3 months and that is soooo not like me. Plus, its almost impossible to be funny when discussing politics or the goings on at the NJ Supreme Court or whateverthefuck. And I decided that I like my blog, and myself, better the other way. And so I started wondering....how the fuck did this metamorphose happen? Where the fuck did I go? And you know what?

I blame Obama. That's right. Obama. The President. The man I campaigned for. The man I froze my ass off for in PA weekend after weekend to get elected. That guy.

Because of him I'm actually watching the stupid news and reading the paper and paying-the-fuck-attention. I'm so attuned to what's going on in the world that that I'm listening to NPR instead of Z100 when I get ready in the morning. That I've got more bookmarks for news sites then for celebrity gossip. That I actually watch cable news (sometimes anyway). It's gotten to the point that I don't have time to tell stupid stories about my useless days. Instead, I feel the need to rant about whatever crazy shit is going on in the world because well, if I don't, then all that shit runs around my head like the fucking Jersey devil all goddamn day and night and then I can't sleep. Oh, and because I've also stopped going out on school nights, I don't have the sleep inducing assistance of the nightly cocktail. And that just sux.

Times were so much simpler in the Bush era when I didn't watch anything more intellectual than So You Think You Can Dance. Back when I drank on school nights, didn't know who the fuck the secretary of agriculture was (it's Tom Vilsack now - why do I know that?), and changed so quickly from any mention of the news on TV that I'm surprised my remote could keep up. Back when I didn't get worked up about the wingnuts and the knuckledraggers and the mindless fuckheads on the far right because, well, I was fucking completely ignoring them. Those were sweet times. I didn't post anything about current events. Or court cases. Or the fucking price of tea in China. Instead, I just told silly stories about myself. I guess ignorance really is bliss. At least in the blogosphere.

And so, in the spirit of that bliss, I hereby am instituting a moratorium on this blog -- no more boring ass ranting about things that do not personally involve yours truly. In other words, nothing that isn't, to paraphrase the bitingly charming Tom & Lorenzo describing one of their friend's blog, straight from my own experience and my own point of view. Random political ranting...I can do that on facebook. Here I will try to stay focused entirely on the happenings in my own life -- even thought its not as exciting perhaps as I would like it to be. Either way, I think it will be good for me. Too much caring about everyone & everything else makes 'stina an even duller girl.

So moratorium in place, here's a snapshot of what's been going on in my life....

HOUSE: same old same old. Same old house with the same old fucking sewer problem. Although I did finally get around to suing my piece-of-shit town for the damage caused thus far. I'm hoping that it'll settle soon because, let's be honest, I may be a litigator, but I don't actually want to have to go to court. That's no fun. I'd rather just get a check, hire a contractor, and wake up one morning with a new basement.

HOMEFRONT: all's quiet. no major upheavals. no changes in our parenting status. although we are probably going to adopt a kitten. so that should be fun.

WORK: Ahhh, something out of the ordinary. Here is where I go way past the same old same old routine. Indeed, major massive upheaval going on here. The details: last month, my office, which I freaking loved, fucking CLOSED. Well, not exactly closed -- more like morphed into a new firm which I was not invited to be a part of. Basically, my boss decided he would rather cut ties with his firm, start his own firm and continue doing the work he wants to do instead of stay with the firm, keep my office open, and tow the party line so to speak. Which is great for him, I guess. But not so fucking great for me, or the 3 others who were not asked to join the "new" firm of Fuck You & Piss Off LLP. Of course, after a very very long weekend of worrying whether I'd have a job come Monday or whether I'd be forced to move in with my mother, everything worked out for me in the end. If you call adding more than an hour to my daily commute with no extra money "working out." But at least I was given the option, I suppose, a sort of no brainer option -- get laid off with zero severance or transfer to the NYC office -- but an option nonetheless. And if I'm being honest, so far it actually hasn't been too bad. I forgot how much I love NYC (or any C for that matter). And as an added bonus -- drinking on school nights. Cause all my former colleagues are still here and after work cocktails always happen midweek. None of that bs Friday shit here.

And finally, just cause with all the talk of drinking I could use a cocktail, here's Google's reason to drink today: it's Worldwide Roma Nation Day. Go gypsies!

Looking Back: March

Ten Things:

1. I'm currently reading: The Knitting Circle and A Rather Lovely Inheritance. Both of which are pretty decent reads. And last week I read Tom Holt's You Don't Have to Be Evil to Work Here, But It Helps. Which is one of the funniest books ever and which has led me to think that I may have found a new favorite author!
   
2. Newest music I added to my iTunes: BMG music is changing to something else and getting rid of their music club which meant it was time for me to finally use all the free CD coupons I've accumulated. So...I bought and uploaded the new Nickelback CD, the Grease soundtrack, a CD of Italian faves by Pavarotti, and Dr. Dre's The Chronic. Odd mix, I know. But what can I say, I'm a girl of eclectic tastes.
   
3. Movies I saw: Let's see -- Twilight (twice). A couple of on demand movies not even worth mentioning. And The Wackness. Which was crazy good. I mean, run out right now and rent it good. Sir Ben Kingsley as a pot smoking psychotherapist helping his pot dealer, who just graduated from high school, with the doc's step-daughter, work through some issues. It's one of the best movies I've seen in a while. And yes, it was better than Twilight.
   
4. Yummy food I made: Haven't been cooking much lately. Although I do make my own gluten-free bread now (or at least the machine makes it for me). It's way better than the frozen shit I would otherwise have to buy .
   
5. The last place I ate out: The Orange Squirrel. New local restaurant with a rotating eclectic American menu. FAN-freaking-TASTIC!.
6. Something that I'm thankful for: My health. My job. And that the latter allows me to do things to improve the former. Like Yoga.
   
7. Something that made me cry: The Knitting Circle (see books above).
8. Something that made me laugh: The pictures from college that a friend of mine posted on facebook. Couldn't help but laugh at myself when I saw what I was wearing.
   
9. Something I'm looking forward to: Not having to lug a coat with me on the commute.
10. Something I want to remember about this month: My first ever cruise. Even with the seasickness on the first full day, it was worth every penny!

(hat tip to LSL for the meme).

So now what?

STUDY FINDS MEGAN'S LAW DOES NOT STOP RECIDIVISM
A federally funded study finds that New Jersey's sex-offender registration and community notification law is ineffective in deterring repeat offenses and may help cause them, since stigmatizing and ostracizing convicting sex offenders creates stress that may impel new crimes. The study, “Megan’s Law: Assessing the Practical and Monetary Efficacy,” by the state Department of Corrections’ Research and Evaluation Unit and Rutgers University School of Criminal Law, says that while recidivism rates have dropped from 50 percent to 41 percent since the law's 1994 enactment, the law has had no significant effect on the overall number of victims involved in sexual offenses, the length of time before a sex offender's first rearrest or the type of first-time offense or re-offense. Meanwhile, the system's annual costs have risen from an initial $550,000 to an estimated $3.97 million.