fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
We're three weeks away from the fundraiser -- see my last post -- and I just found out my friend has been admitted to the hospital. Don't know why or what for or what the outcome will be yet but I am FREAKING OUT! I will not be able to to take it if this medical expense fundraiser turns into a memorial fundraiser. I'm not ready for that. can't even think about it. FUCK.
Five minutes later -- I'm still freaking, but less so. I now know why she's been admitted and it isn't as bad as my stupid mind imagined. But knowing only helps so much. I'm calmer than I was 5 minutes ago (actually her sister's txt made me giggle a little -- it said "You're freaking? Why are you freaking? Should I be freaking?") but the 'admitted to the hospital' words sort of set my mind adrift when I've been working so hard to stay focused on anything but the possibility of losing my best friend before we're even 40. I wonder if my bosses would be concerned if I run out of here screaming? Or if they'll bitch if I calmly walk out of here and go bury myself under the covers at home for a couple of days? God-dess. I sound like a crazy person. But don't worry - I don't own a gun so there will be no 'stina-goes-postal story to read tomorrow. I do think I may need a mental health day though. Of course, I have way too much shit to do to even think about staying under the covers, but maybe staying in pajamas would be enough?
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