Dom Perignon taste. Korbel budget.

In 9 months and 2 days I'm getting married. Well, technically, I'm ALREADY married, so I guess the proper word is wedding. In 9 months and 2 days I'm having a wedding. In the Dominican Republic. On the beach. And now that we have a travel agent that doesn't suck, it's coming together quite nicely. Except one little teensy tiny little thing. Its nothing really. It's only, well, its only . . .

THE DRESS. Oh goddess help me.

Don't get me wrong, I know I still have plenty of time. So I'm not really stressing about finding something I like (although I'm kinda hoping I can avoid too many trips to those bridal salon joints, something about them just seem so....so....antiseptic and uptight). No, that's not it. You see, my problem, when it comes to the minor issue of what the hell I'll be wearing to my own goddamn wedding, is not finding something I like but its finding something I like that I can actually afford. My problem, quite simply, is that my tastes are WAY beyond any reasonable calculation of my budget. WAY beyond. Besides, even if I had it laying around, I'm not about to spend five or ten grand, OR MORE!, on a few pieces of chiffon that are going to be worn on a beach, for a few hours. That's just so not my style. There are so many better ways to spend that kind of money.

And yet, there in front of me, page after page, are pictures of pretty dresses and every time I find one that jumps off the page and screams "me, me, me! find me! buy me!", I look more closely and find that its a custom Vera Wang; or a vintage Dior; or, like this cutie to your left, a fucking Monique Lhullier. Granted, these lovely ladies have nothing on the most expensive dress ever purchased, but still. They're outta my league. Way out of my league. Even though they are gorgeous as hell. So now the search continues. I only hope I can find something, without too much effort, or too many pushy bridal sales ladies, that is as fabulous as a Marchesa but at a price that doesn't make my stomach turn.

Although who am I really kidding -- if I hit the numbers, I'll buy whatever the hell I want, money be damned. I'll just donate the same amount to charity to assuage my liberal guilt. Ahh, now that would really make this whole dress shopping ordeal a pleasure.